My Husband Is Lying. I think He Is Cheating.

[NotMolly]

This is a long story, so I will try to make it as brief as possible.

 

I was reading an article about online affairs and got to wondering if I should check up on my husband. I decided to check my husband's Facebook account and found a couple of things that made me suspicious.

 

I also decided to check his browsing history, and found that he had been visting a blog numerous times. The blog was written by a self-proclaimed homewrecker, and it tells the tale of her affair with a married man.

 

I was shocked to read many of the details this woman posted coincided with events that have happened to my husband, such as him falling ill and me being out of town.

 

She even had made-up names for the married man, Alex, and a name for his wife, Molly. I am still shocked. She writes of being in love with this man, and him in love with her, though she knows that he loves his wife too.

 

I think my husband may be involved with this woman. I am embarrassed to tell you that I wrote a hateful comment on one of her posts. I just could not help myself.

 

I don't know what to do next. If I confront him based on this evidence, wouldn't he will probably lie about it?

 

I am going to try to figure out his password to Facebook and see if there are any messages between them. I will also try to break into his email.

 

What else should I do before I confront him? Should I confront her too?

 

I am still in shock, so please be kind.

[Hanther]

Wait. Gather evidence. Confront him now, and he will make up a story which you can't prove one way or the other, and he will take the affair (if there is one) further underground. And you will be left wondering forever.

 

Investigate first!

[TigerCub]

Hey NotMolly,

 

a MM being sick, and going away on business and loving both his wife and other woman - that's any married man, not necessarily your husband.

 

But I agree, if you confront him now, he'll lie (if there is anything to lie about) and cover his tracks better - so do more research first.

 

But more importantly - what's going on in your relationship with your husband that makes you suspicious of him - it really can't be as simple as "oh I read an article about cheating, so I'm gonna play detective and jump to all these conclusions" - no offense

 

But is there anything else that makes you doubt his loyalty.

 

How is your marriage normally (before this)?

[freestyle]

your best bet is to "play possum" while you gather more information.

 

To catch a fox you have to think like a fox.

 

If he thinks you're suspicious AT ALL--he will take steps to cover his tracks.

(if he is a cheater--that has yet to be established)

 

What reasons has he given you to be suspicious?

[NotMolly]

TigerCub,

My husband has no reason to visit a blog about a woman having an affair! Many times! There has to be some involvement with her. He is not that curious. Or smart.

 

Freestyle,

The things that normally makes a person suspicious. Acting evasive. Not being where he should be at times. Being late. A preoccupation with his email and social media.

[TigerCub]

TigerCub,

My husband has no reason to visit a blog about a woman having an affair! Many times! There has to be some involvement with her. He is not that curious. Or smart.

 

Freestyle,

The things that normally makes a person suspicious. Acting evasive. Not being where he should be at times. Being late. A preoccupation with his email and social media.

 

I understood it as - this is a blog about some woman talking about her affairs - I don't know what you mean by "my husband is not that curious" - so just like you read about affairs, isn't it possible that this has caught his interest.

 

Look, I'm not taking his side and saying that its 100% not about him, but the things you described as similarities with your H can be said about any married man in an affair, that's all.

 

But now that you're mentioning that he's evasive and acting kinda shady, then by all means, follow your gut instincts, but definitely gather evidence and info before confronting him or else it will just tip him off that you're onto him and if he's smart, (although you don't seem to think so) he'd cover his tracks.

 

Good luck to you

[Kidd]

You could also purchase a voice activated recorder. Hiding it under the steering wheel sounds like the best bet. I heard they're like $40 at Wal-Mart. I bought a GPS unit and caught my wife going to a hotel at 10pm; I didn't miss the $200.

 

I'm sorry for what I suspect you're about to go thru. Come here for support and advice.

[KathyM]

There's definately red flags you should be alert to. Him being secretive or touchy about his Email or social media is one of the red flags that something's not right. Spending a lot of time on the internet. Definately needs further investigation. Buy a keylogger, and maybe even a GPS tracking device. They will either confirm your fears, or relieve your worries. But in any case, you need to know. Don't confront until you have enough solid proof.

[Mr_Confused]

Ok, take it from me, I am a cheater.

 

DO NOT CONFRONT HIM.

 

Gather definitive evidence. He will lie - if he wanted you know you would, so absent of full proof he will only refute what you suspect and be more covert in his actions - if in fact he is cheating.

 

Visit http://www.brickhousesecurity.com

 

You need the following:

Keylogger

GPS tracker

 

Check cell phone records.

 

Give him more time, appear completely trusting, provide him with free time to do as he pleases.

 

Don't feel guilty, you are protecting your marriage. I wish my wife cared so much - I probably would have never strayed. Call it twisted logic, but assuring he is not cheating is display of love - he gave you reason for suspicion and this is the only way to validate.

[freestyle]

You're getting some sound advice here, OP.

 

Take care to journal & document any and all evidence you come across, and store it safely,(duplicate copies, don't store everything in your house) until you're ready to confront.

 

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this--it's a horrible, sinking feeling when you sense something is off, but don't have all the facts.....(been there, done that)

 

Keep posting if you need support.......

[carrie999]

Ok, take it from me, I am a cheater.

 

DO NOT CONFRONT HIM.

 

Gather definitive evidence. He will lie - if he wanted you know you would, so absent of full proof he will only refute what you suspect and be more covert in his actions - if in fact he is cheating.

 

Visit http://www.brickhousesecurity.com

 

You need the following:

Keylogger

GPS tracker

 

Check cell phone records.

 

Give him more time, appear completely trusting, provide him with free time to do as he pleases.

 

I agree. I wouldn't trust him.

 

Don't feel guilty, you are protecting your marriage. I wish my wife cared so much - I probably would have never strayed. Call it twisted logic, but assuring he is not cheating is display of love - he gave you reason for suspicion and this is the only way to validate.

 

Not necessarily a display of love as much as it is self-preservation. Mr_Confused, no idea what your situation is, but denial is very powerful. Your wife probably didn't want to believe you could betray her. I've seen it firsthand, and it's quite disturbing how much an obvious affair can be ignored.

 

I agree that the OP should investigate behind his back, though it's awful to feel the need to do so. If they weren't married, I'd say that if she was THAT suspicious, she should confront him and possibly just end the relationship. Just the need to investigate means something is seriously wrong with communication in the relationship, and if there's not enough trust there, what's the point?

 

OP, if you really think he's cheating, you're protecting yourself and your investment in the marriage by acting on your instincts. Don't confront him; unless he really wants your marriage to work, he'll lie and go underground. Then again, if you do confront him, and he changes passwords he knew you knew, that says it all, too.

 

Sorry you're going through this...

[Tayla]

Goodness Gravy What paranoia has digested itself into these forums! Seriously??? Seriously a wife snoops and tries to put two and two together with miniscule relativity of evidence. Seriously I am disgusted that the witch hunt is in full force without considering you may be giving, in fact, POOR advice. Healthy marriages DO not have snooping wives buying keyloggers.

+++++SHOCKING NEWS+++++++++++++++ The best way to get the root of suspicion is to be OPEN and OUTRIGHT FALSELY accuse a person with partial theories like this poster is exhibiting. There 99% of the time is a realistic answer . I feel sorry for this man if he is married to a person that wants to find problems instead of solution to her own inability to be adult and trusting. But hey, its her marriage she is putting on the line far be it from me to point the obvious. ANd I feel like more of a clod for even contributing to the obvious, the marriage is sick if suspicion is enforce.

[freestyle]

I agree. I wouldn't trust him.

 

 

and if there's not enough trust there, what's the point?

 

 

 

I agree that the trust is damaged horrendously by the time a spouse feels the need to start snooping.

 

Asking "what's the point" is a common response, from what I've seen here,

(and experienced, firsthand)

 

The point is getting validation for suspicions.

 

By the time a BS has their radar on high alert--often times , they've already been through an excruciating period of second-guessing themselves

 

"Am I just imagining things? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

He/She would never betray me like that, would they?I'm horrible to even think that about my partner..........what's wrong with ME???Am I insecure, overly jealous.....?""

 

All those things can be swirling through the mind of a BS, before the red flags accumulate enough to tip the balance in favor of investigating.

 

Having your mind in that whirlwind of doubts and fears is living hell.Not being sure if you can trust your own perceptions........If/when the WS starts to gaslight the BS on top of that---multiply that effect.

 

So finding,learning,knowing the truth can become all-important to someone who has been deliberately kept in the dark. It can help restore the balance of power, and restore peace of mind to the BS (even if their world falls apart after D-Day)

 

From what I've read--many BS's have expressed relief as their first reaction to discovering evidence of cheating---They've said. "AT least NOW I know I'm not crazy....."

 

So, THAT's the point.

[jkam87]

Ive gotta tell you, i have never been married, im 24. but if my girlfriend broke into my facebook and or email, that would be the end of the relationship. it seems you read this blog and immediately transferred everything onto your husband.

 

my buddy was dating a girl (was) who did things similar to this. she was always checking his facebook, email, taking his phone to look at messages. she even had one of her (a girl I was hooking up with) come over to our apartment, take his phone and investigate his text messages. there is nothing that turns a guy off more than total insecurity like this. my advice? immediately confront him about your suspicions (dont mention that you have been hacking into his personal accounts) and gauge his immediate reaction. if he doesn't look you in the eye, starts touching his face or doesnt answer NO, then he may be cheating.

[KathyM]

If you ask him openly about this stuff, he will lie if there is anything to hide. She already did find things that were troubling. She's not inventing this stuff. Where there is smoke, there is usually fire. Your instincts that something is not right are probably not unfounded. There's only one way to progress at this point, and that is to seek the truth. Pushing it under the rug and telling oneself that it is probably nothing is just going to harbor doubt that will eat at you and erode your relationship. Better to do some snooping and find out the truth, than live in the dark and not know who it is that you are sharing your life with. If you confront him or ask him about this without further investigation, he will lie if there is anything to lie about.

[cdm369]

Take it from someone who has been cheated on. The worst mistake I made was not being patient. I understand the need to know. Not knowing is actually the worst part cause it will eat at you. Im in that boat now. Take your time...play nice and if somethings going on there will be a slip. Wish I had played my situation that way. And oh bythe way...PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE,HIDE NOTHING.

[NotMolly]

Littlefloozyhomewrecker as you like to call yourself,

That is a lot of words written for a simple denial.

 

You don't know who he is. You only know what he tells you and it looks like it doesn't take much at all.

 

It'd be easy to think less of you, but it's so obvious that you don't think much of yourself.

[Owl]

I heartily suggest we don't feed any of them.

[whichwayisup]

I heartily suggest we don't feed any of them.

 

Awkward.........Moments.........

[jstobo]

This just got really interesting. How the heck did LFH think to look on Loveshack and find notMolly's post? I notice she just became a member and this was her first post.

[Fabian Montenegro]

Oh.

 

http://www.dramabutton.com/

[freestyle]

This just got really interesting. How the heck did LFH think to look on Loveshack and find notMolly's post? I notice she just became a member and this was her first post.

 

 

Uncanny, isn't it?

 

FWIW, there was still some worthwhile discussion here that may have helped somebody, somewhere.........

[Fabian Montenegro]

Someone left me a link on my blog. Right after the called me a whore and just before they told me I couldn't get a man of my own.

I've never been here before that and I won't be back again after this post. I know you won't believe my motives or care, but I actually was trying to set her mind at ease because it isn't her husband. It is someones, I get that... I'm not here to justify it, but it isn't hers. She was otherwise occupied when these were posted, and the conclusions were unfounded.

But she can believe what she likes, I feel bad for the guy who's world might crash around his ears now because she thinks it's her husband and he might be totally innocent.

Em

 

This thread is ridiculous enough that it's probably real.

 

But how does LFH know that the OP is referring to her blog specifically?

[NotMolly]

I left one comment. Why would I link to my own thread to let her know I'm on to them? That would be about as stupid a someone admitting to being a whore on the World Wide Web where her lover's wife could read it.

[Fabian Montenegro]

I left one comment. Why would I link to my own thread to let her know I'm on to them? That would be about as stupid a someone admitting to being a whore on the World Wide Web where her lover's wife could read it.

 

Did you use the same username?