husband going late night alone

[stran100]

Hi to everyone,

It is may be a long story But I'm lost here. I'm 31 My husband is 40.

We have been married for five months. Before we knew each other for 4 years. But it was a long distance relationship. We went thru all the Difficulties to be together as we are from different countries and it was not easy for us. I move to his country. Before marriage everything was ok. After marriage seams like he is not interested in sex with me ... and....... we never passionately kiss (I read AprilFool situation looks same)

After a month of marriage he left his email box open and by chance I read his letter to a girl who gave announcement to classified about sex escort... He asked what price and where can they meet to have fun as soon as possible... I was shocked!!!! I'm very attractive woman ... everything is ok with sex. Every day I was trying to have sex with him and he kept saying :" be patient ... I need to do it on my own" ....I said him I want to divorce.... He said it was not for him just for a friend to joke ... and he said he need me to trust him…..OK . Well I tried to forget that story

May be some weeks later we had a great weekend wich we spent together with his brother's family. My husband took us to highlands and we had fun. We came back and watching TV together. It was 3 am The movie was not good actually and my husband told me :"I'm bored. I want to go out" When I asked where he wants to go, he said he wants just to drive around … may be have a cup of tea …. when I said:” what about me? I'm bored too.”.. He said:” I want to go alone I need my space”. I was shocked ... I know everybody need space sometimes ... but I never thought it can be 3 am ....

I was crying and we had a big disagreement so this time he did not go... but after that sometimes we go out and he says me after we go out he will drop me home and after he need go out after 3 am because his friend is available only after 3 am ... who is his friend and why he can meet him only after 3 am he refuse to answer He says he dose not have to tell me because there are things nothing to do with me.

One day he bought a new pillow just for him... May be it is strange but it hurt me ....I took it like there is no me on his mind in our bed .... May be I'm too sencitive ...

Sometimes he wants to go out midnight -1-3 am ... I don't understand if it is normal... As for me it is not But he keep saying he need his space sometimes ... Sometimes it is may be once in 2 weeks sometimes more ... sometimes less... When I ask why it must be late night time He says he want his space any time he need it...

Some times ago somebody call his hand phone 2.30 am ...When I asked him who call him he answer just somebody playing fool Then I asked why then you were talking to this person... He become very angry and said I'm so bad and I'm so suspiciouse ... I don't trust you... From that time I noticed he started to hide from me his phone ... he made no sound ring... It is very strange ...

I said him that I can't accept his going out late night because it hurts me ... He says that I can't compromise and I can't sucrifuce anything for family ..and that . I should not be married.

Now I'm not sure what is right what is wrong ... We don't have normal sex ... only when I insist very much ... He wants to go out late night and I don't have to ask even where he is going because he dose not want to report. One more thing he is reading a forum where guys talk about local girls who sell their body… which is good which is not good ….

He is a nice guy Caring and loving …. May be I’m really wrong??? Please help me to understand Am I selfish????

… Sorry for my mistakes because English is not my language

[lady_vampiress]

Omg it is so obvious that he is cheating on u. I mean what guy goes out at 3 am to meet a friend with no proper explanation? a man that is cheating on u thats who! this guy is obviously going out at 3am to go have a pleasurable time with escorts the email u found detailing a when and where meeting point is an obvious proof and evidence, along with the repeating going out at 1-3 am everyday and not wanting to have sex with u going as far as to say pleasure urself, are obvious signs that he has another lover or should i say escort either way his cheating and u shouldnt put up with it. personally i think u should for one go to church if ur a christian and make friends with other christians and get some advice/help. cos u really need to get out of this destructive relationship cos u cant possibly be happy with this guy that is obviously decieving u and has no remorse for what his doing and is trying make u feel bad and guilty for knowing he is going out at 1-3am to have sex with probably protitutes if not a lover. in ur country do u consider that normal? I mean the fact his 40 and ur 31 and ur from another country alone shows he is using u and doesnt truely love u because he is treating u like ur some lesser human that can be cheated on and talked to as if ur in the wrong for being devasted for him going out to meet protititutes/escorts at 3am even though u have pretty good evidence of emails sent to escorts, and the phone calls from them at such a late time shows its obviously not a friend but escorts or a lover. if i was u id get a divorce as soon as possible and contact ur family in ur country tell them whats happening with u and go back to ur country which if there loving and caring family im sure they will be happy for u to return to them. and u should also i think for one go to church if ur a christian or whatever religion u are go to that religious place and make friends with other christians or people of ur religion and get some advice/help which will help u to gain confidence, cos u really need to get out of this destructive relationship cos it is the cause of ur unhappiness and is never going to bring u hapiness because this man is using and abusing u mentally, and abusing ur trust and dignity and treating so bad unlike normal and happy marriages where the husband takes care of his wifes physical needs regualary and shows alot of love and affection on a regular basis which he in no way is doing and will never do if he finds it normal to treat u like this and u say his loving and caring his the complete opposite to loving and caring his truely selfish and mentally abusive towards u. Do men treat there wifes this bad in ur country? cos over here that is discracful in the way his treating and talking to u leaving u out of all things and telling u to mind ur business along with his lame excuses for space is only an excuse and a dusguise for sleeping with escorts which u have the email and various calls at late times, and going out between 1-3 even as proof of. If i had one of those things happen with me and my husband id leave my husband or atleast separate from him, espeically the email and the going out between 1-3 sign. And no u should NOT feel guity or selfish for him treating u so bad and cheating on u with escorts or any other women he choses to lay with!

[SoleMate]

Yes, he's cheating on you with either prostitutes or a lover. Probably prostitutes. No, you're not selfish for objecting to this. Nor are you suspicious or untrusting.

 

Is he really so nice? Do you want to stay married to him, knowing about his use of prostitutes?

[VivianLee]

Could you follow him?? That way you could find out exactly what he's doing, or have someone else follow him or hire someone to investigate him. It "sounds" like he's cheating but you want to know for sure before you take any actions. I don't understand why he'd change about sex and need his space so early in the marriage. I'm so sorry that things are so bad, I really feel badly for you!!

Just keep an eye on things and try to find out what is going on then take whatever actions you think you should take.

Again, I'm sorry for your pain! Keep us updated if you want to...

[stran100]

I can't follow him because he says he wants to meet a friend who is not a family friend and nothing to do with me... or he says I just want to buy cigarettes then may be I will meet a friend to have coffee or tee with him.

Thank you for your comments I feel more sure now

yesterday he took me for musicl then we went shopping we spent nice time together and I wanted to coninue our night But he said: "I want to go out to see a friend for some time " I was so disappointed I explane to him that we were so close today so I want to go on and be together whole the night He dose not understand anything!!!

He just says I need to be free I need you to trust me because it is the most important in family I need my space

I'm so confused

[stran100]

Thank you for your comments Lady_vampiress. No in my country it would be very rare when husband or wife can go out such late time or even come back such late time alone. It is may be a very special party or something urgent about work. I'm Christian but I don't practice much. My family was different We could share everything even small and not important things. So when my husband tells me there is nothing to share it is not important to know for you or this friend nothing to do with you I have my business with him It sounds strange for me .... But sometimes I think may be it is really not my business and everybody need his own secrets ??? But if I'm with the one I love I want to share everything and I have nothing I can't share But people are different That is why I'm not sure ...

Yes My life is unhappy now. I don't understand why he would need to marry me if he is cheating ???

He go out like that about 1 time in 2 weeks Sometime he just wake up 2 o clock and tell me he wants to buy cigarettes and come back in 1.5 hour tells me he went to have tea or met a friend ...

Before I leave him I would like to know for sure what is going on ... not easy to give up so fast

Beside when I start to make noise about this he will stay because he is scared to loose me He says he loves me and if it is somebody else he would just leave But with me he wants me to let him go peacefully...

I'm really confused

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