Once a cheat always a cheat. I should have listened.[Update]

[newyork82]

So I posted here about seven weeks ago, caught ex fiance in bed with a woman, and broke up. Immediately after that he begged and begged and I decided we would give it a try.

 

The day were supposed to discuss our coming back, as we were about to start talking, a message comes on his blackberry, and I opened it in his presence, and it was the naked picture of a woman. I got mad and asked him, he claimed he didn't know the person and was shocked anyone could just send such a picture out of the blues. He begged for about nine hours and I forgave him.

 

Fastfoward a week later, we were having lunch in his house, I was playing a game on his phone, and a facebook message comes up. With an account I don't know. Apparently he opened a new facebook account where he added porn stars and girls looking for sex. And they had been sending him naked pictures. He had opened the account two weeks before this. I started leaving and he begged again, and deactivated the account in my presence.

 

Fastfoward two days ago, I search on facebook and see that his secret facebook account is online again!! I call him, he claims he didn't reactivate it, and that something must be wrong with facebook. We argue, and before I know it  account disappears that evening. He gets angry that I am accusing him wrongly.

 

Then this morning, I wanted to open facebook on his pc, and it signed me into another account! He had changed his name to a totally different name. Added several girls and had been sending them terrible messages. I confronted him, and he initially denied but later confessed and says he is sorry.

 

To think I almost married someone that bad!! Depressed and sad though, but I have decided to start no contact today and never talk to him again.

[OldOnTheInside]

I guess the silver lining (if there could be such a thing in a sitch like this) is that you discovered it before marriage, kids, etc.

 

This, times a million. Be glad you didn't find this out ten years from now.

 

So how are you coping OP?

[bikinibeach]

how long were you together for?

[Steen719]

This, times a million. Be glad you didn't find this out ten years from now.

 

So how are you coping OP?

 

Oh, times a trillion! You have no marriage and no kids and a lifetime to find someone who deserves you and you deserve.

[YellowShark]

So I posted here about seven weeks ago, caught ex fiance in bed with a woman, and broke up. Immediately after that he begged and begged and I decided we would give it a try.

 

The day were supposed to discuss our coming back, as we were about to start talking, a message comes on his blackberry, and I opened it in his presence, and it was the naked picture of a woman. I got mad and asked him, he claimed he didn't know the person and was shocked anyone could just send such a picture out of the blues. He begged for about nine hours and I forgave him.

 

Fastfoward a week later, we were having lunch in his house, I was playing a game on his phone, and a facebook message comes up. With an account I don't know. Apparently he opened a new facebook account where he added porn stars and girls looking for sex. And they had been sending him naked pictures. He had opened the account two weeks before this. I started leaving and he begged again, and deactivated the account in my presence.

 

Fastfoward two days ago, I search on facebook and see that his secret facebook account is online again!! I call him, he claims he didn't reactivate it, and that something must be wrong with facebook. We argue, and before I know it  account disappears that evening. He gets angry that I am accusing him wrongly.

 

Then this morning, I wanted to open facebook on his pc, and it signed me into another account! He had changed his name to a totally different name. Added several girls and had been sending them terrible messages. I confronted him, and he initially denied but later confessed and says he is sorry.

 

To think I almost married someone that bad!! Depressed and sad though, but I have decided to start no contact today and never talk to him again.

 

 

Sorry to read your story newyork82, but the silver lining is you really dodged a bullet, thank goodness it happened prior to the wedding.

 

{Now for a little rant... }

 

Facebook...Facebook...Facebook... this is why Facebook is a dealbreaker for me. If someone I am dating is on Facebook... she's toast. Period, no discussion. Sorry but I am Loveshack's number one Facebook hater. It torpedoed my relationship just like your's newyork82. It just makes it too easy to cheat with just a few quick clicks of a mouse button.

 

I've taken a ton of heat about my dislike of Facebook on Loveshack, so many people are turning into Facebook Nazis, and how dare I badmouth it... but just read how many threads involve Facebook here. Someday - I hope - people will see it is really a relationship killer.

 

Like I said in another thread, sure, 600 million people use Facebook, but 5.5 billion on Earth don't, and somehow they all survive fine without it like me.

 

{rant over }

Edited June 10, 2011 by YellowShark

[Steen719]

Facebook...Facebook...Facebook... this is why Facebook is a dealbreaker for me. If someone I am dating is on Facebook... she's toast. Period, no discussion. Sorry but I am Loveshack's number one Facebook hater. It torpedoed my relationship just like your's newyork82. It just makes it too easy to cheat with just a few quick clicks of a mouse button.

 

I hate it, too. I know, people say it is like hating the gun instead of the person, but I hate the gun, I hate the person and I hate facebook...so, there! You have a right to feel the way you do and so do I.

[Steen719]

Obviously, I am having a really difficult night....don't take offense, facebook lovers or toleraters.

[newyork82]

how long were you together for?

 

we were together for four years.

 

Honestly i feel sad and depressed. Really sad.

[YellowShark]

we were together for four years.

 

Honestly i feel sad and depressed. Really sad.

 

It's ok to feel sad newyork82. That's very healthy. Shows you are normal. Part of the 5 stages of grief. The most important thing to remember is you were in love with who you thought he was... not who he really *is*. Remember that.

 

He's a low-down lying cheater who would have married you and thrown you under a bus.. married or not. You are free of him. That's a good thing. You dodged a bullet and deserve better. Just seek out friends and family while you heal from his repeated betrayals.

 

Chin up, you're not alone, many of us have been down this road.

[y2k]

So sorry you're going through this. I guess the silver lining (if there could be such a thing in a sitch like this) is that you discovered it before marriage, kids, etc.

 

True though even if you had discovered it with marriage/kids, etc, then you should STILL end it and dump his punk@$$.

 

This is a lesson to all. If a partner cheats on you, LEAVE HIM/HER, no matter what.

[newyork82]

So I posted here about seven weeks ago, caught ex fiance in bed with a woman, and broke up. Immediately after that he begged and begged and I decided we would give it a try.

 

The day were supposed to discuss our coming back, as we were about to start talking, a message comes on his blackberry, and I opened it in his presence, and it was the naked picture of a woman. I got mad and asked him, he claimed he didn't know the person and was shocked anyone could just send such a picture out of the blues. He begged for about nine hours and I forgave him.

 

Fastfoward a week later, we were having lunch in his house, I was playing a game on his phone, and a facebook message comes up. With an account I don't know. Apparently he opened a new facebook account where he added porn stars and girls looking for sex. And they had been sending him naked pictures. He had opened the account two weeks before this. I started leaving and he begged again, and deactivated the account in my presence.

 

Fastfoward two days ago, I search on facebook and see that his secret facebook account is online again!! I call him, he claims he didn't reactivate it, and that something must be wrong with facebook. We argue, and before I know it  account disappears that evening. He gets angry that I am accusing him wrongly.

 

Then this morning, I wanted to open facebook on his pc, and it signed me into another account! He had changed his name to a totally different name. Added several girls and had been sending them terrible messages. I confronted him, and he initially denied but later confessed and says he is sorry.

 

To think I almost married someone that bad!! Depressed and sad though, but I have decided to start no contact today and never talk to him again.

 

Hahaha, here i am 6 years later. i married this POS, and he ended up cheating numerous times........with over 40 women, gave me an STD. Wow! how did i get here???? Two children later, 60lbs heavier, infected with STD, high blood pressure. i feel suicidal.

[Reddice]

Hahaha, here i am 6 years later. i married this POS, and he ended up cheating numerous times........with over 40 women, gave me an STD. Wow! how did i get here???? Two children later, 60lbs heavier, infected with STD, high blood pressure. i feel suicidal.

 

Wow, that's quite the story. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, that's obviously not a decent human being. But what's your next move? You know that we will advice you to file for divorce, work on yourself and start over again. Are you actually prepared to do that now? Can the STD be cured btw? Seriously hope so.

[road]

How could of married him, so sad for you.

Time to lawyer up and divorce him.

[newyork82]

Wow, that's quite the story. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, that's obviously not a decent human being. But what's your next move? You know that we will advice you to file for divorce, work on yourself and start over again. Are you actually prepared to do that now? Can the STD be cured btw? Seriously hope so.

 

STD cured. yes i am filing for divorce but deeply sad. Its been 5 years of marriage/emotional abuse. I feel worthless. He preferred to sleep with prostitutes than to sleep with me

[Reddice]

STD cured. yes i am filing for divorce but deeply sad. Its been 5 years of marriage/emotional abuse. I feel worthless. He preferred to sleep with prostitutes than to sleep with me

 

Well, this man is obviously not right in his head and you should make sure all contact with you is from now on as minimal as possible. He might try to reconcile with you and I sincerely hope you don't crumble this time. No good can come out of a relationship with him.

 

Your name has 82 in it, I assume it's your birth year. You are not much older than I am, so I wouldn't go to hard on yourself either. At least it's "only" 5 years, could have been worse, could have been 15 or 25. Chalk this as a lesson learned and start working on yourself. At your age, you still have a very good chance of finding someone who's a much better fit for you.

[RewindRomancer]

Attorney, Counselor, Mom/Best Friend.....Contact each, in that order. You need people to talk to who are on your side!

 

My ex-husband cheated on me for 20 years (???) I can't prove much of it - I'm impressed that you came up with an exact number. My ex also gave me the same 'lovely' gift your cheating husband gave you, an STD.

 

None of this is your fault, you know that right? It's not because you are too fat or too stupid or too weak. You've been played by a master narcissist cheater (As was I). Please be strong for your two babies. You can get through this.

 

We are all here for you. Keep posting!

[elaine567]

YOU displayed a ridiculous level of naivety, when you married this man. YOU did not see reality when it presented itself to you in full colour mode.

The guy was obviously obsessed with other women and you chose to turn a blind eye.

You no doubt wanted to believe him and marry him and have kids with him and be his wife and have the whole white picket fence dream, so anything he said to you, you swallowed hook, line and sinker.

 

I guess if we were to ask a cross section "Would they marry this man?" in 2011 after you posted, then we would have been hard pushed to find any takers, but you were going lalalalala with your fingers in your ears...

Of course he was going to change into husband and father material and you would live happily ever after...

 

Pick your self up, dust your self down, lesson learned, divorce, get some sleep, eat well, look after your kids and next time when a guy shows you who he really is, believe him, people very rarely change.

[elaine567]

Also remember you are very vulnerable at the moment and so are perfect for any dodgy guy looking for a "victim".

He wil spin you a line about being a good guy and as you are starved of affection and "normality" you will fall for it.

Get your head on straight first, as you may just repeat history

[harrybrown]

Glad that you are getting out of infidelity.

 

Sorry that you did marry him.

 

Do take care of yourself and your kids.

 

Your life will be better without him in it.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I have to agree with Elaine about you displaying a ridiculous level of naivety. If he was my man, his ass would have hit the curb on strike ONE! Then again, I'd never be with anyone with such poor character to begin with and you shouldn't either.

 

I'm also gobsmacked at the level of stupidity with this guy. I suppose it's 'good' since you were able to catch him numerous times thanks to his lazy and reckless approach to safeguarding his phone and accounts. And his utter tenacity is award winning!

 

Epic loser.

 

I'm sorry for what you're going through but now you know. Get an STD test and let this be a reminder to demand more for yourself so you never end up with a man as pathetic as this douche bag.

 

Good luck.

[usa1ah]

So I posted here about seven weeks ago, caught ex fiance in bed with a woman, and broke up. Immediately after that he begged and begged and I decided we would give it a try.

 

The day were supposed to discuss our coming back, as we were about to start talking, a message comes on his blackberry, and I opened it in his presence, and it was the naked picture of a woman. I got mad and asked him, he claimed he didn't know the person and was shocked anyone could just send such a picture out of the blues. He begged for about nine hours and I forgave him.

 

Fastfoward a week later, we were having lunch in his house, I was playing a game on his phone, and a facebook message comes up. With an account I don't know. Apparently he opened a new facebook account where he added porn stars and girls looking for sex. And they had been sending him naked pictures. He had opened the account two weeks before this. I started leaving and he begged again, and deactivated the account in my presence.

 

Fastfoward two days ago, I search on facebook and see that his secret facebook account is online again!! I call him, he claims he didn't reactivate it, and that something must be wrong with facebook. We argue, and before I know it  account disappears that evening. He gets angry that I am accusing him wrongly.

 

Then this morning, I wanted to open facebook on his pc, and it signed me into another account! He had changed his name to a totally different name. Added several girls and had been sending them terrible messages. I confronted him, and he initially denied but later confessed and says he is sorry.

 

To think I almost married someone that bad!! Depressed and sad though, but I have decided to start no contact today and never talk to him again.

 

Glad you found out in time. Best wishes on finding a real man.

[elaine567]

Glad you found out in time. Best wishes on finding a real man.

 

That was in 2011, see the update #11.

[Steve51]

I have had three relationships in my life. The first, my ex fiancé cheated on me then cheated on the guy she was cheating on me with and then cheated on the guy she married. In-between she got hooked on drugs and as a result has mental health issues and a son from an unknown father.

 

The second relationship was with a live in girlfriend who I learned was cheating when I finally realized what I was tasting when I performed oral sex on her. I let it slide and forgave her until she walked in on me and my three closest friends to ask us to gang bang her. I told them to go ahead and then kicked her out the next day.

 

The third relationship is my wife. She was a 20 year virgin but I figured that she would one day be curious about how sex is with someone else so we did a wife swap with our best friends. She hated it. He just pounded into her for 20 minutes and left her without an orgasm and with bruises on her breasts. After that she told me that she never wanted to have sex with anyone but me and she was true to her word even refusing MMF threesomes.

 

I now believe you should have a healthy distrust of everyone, no matter who. It is like thinking your spouse will not lie to you when we all lie if even to protect someone's feelings. I believe as you do that once a cheater, always a cheater. I saw it personally and with several friends and our siblings. Marriage counselling seems to help for awhile in some cases when the cheater actually is sorry and is not going to avoid a divorce. Even then, most studies on counselling seem to only go for one year and then they stop tracking the couple. Many will divorce further down the road because you can forgive but not forget.

 

You will end up being suspicious all the time. You will bring her cheating up during arguments and wonder about her when she is not with you. She will resent being under your watchful eye and having to let you have access to her phone and computer. She will resent being accused of cheating and decide that she might as well cheat if she is going to be accused of it. Adults rarely change their nature which is why so many ex cons go back to prison.

 

No one wants to go through a divorce but it is better to do it sooner than later. I do not care about counselling because I will not trust a cheating spouse no matter what is said. I will have knots in my stomach when she comes home late from work, goes out with her friends until 2am and then comes home, avoids you and quickly runs into the shower. I would be suspicious when she goes to the mall for a few hours and comes back with very little that she bought. I could not live like that.

 

In the end whether she cheated again or not does not matter because I will always feel that she did so my feelings would be the same in either case.

[whichwayisup]

STD cured. yes i am filing for divorce but deeply sad. Its been 5 years of marriage/emotional abuse. I feel worthless. He preferred to sleep with prostitutes than to sleep with me

 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you! It's your soon to be exH who is messed up in the head and is selfish! Don't let this man ruin your self worth! You will heal and find happiness again. Please get counseling to help you build up your self confidence and so that you grieve the loss in a healthy way.

 

I'm sorry that you're in pain. Feel better soon.

[somuchfortheone]

I have had three relationships in my life. The first, my ex fiancé cheated on me then cheated on the guy she was cheating on me with and then cheated on the guy she married. In-between she got hooked on drugs and as a result has mental health issues and a son from an unknown father.

 

The second relationship was with a live in girlfriend who I learned was cheating when I finally realized what I was tasting when I performed oral sex on her. I let it slide and forgave her until she walked in on me and my three closest friends to ask us to gang bang her. I told them to go ahead and then kicked her out the next day.

 

The third relationship is my wife. She was a 20 year virgin but I figured that she would one day be curious about how sex is with someone else so we did a wife swap with our best friends. She hated it. He just pounded into her for 20 minutes and left her without an orgasm and with bruises on her breasts. After that she told me that she never wanted to have sex with anyone but me and she was true to her word even refusing MMF threesomes.

 

I now believe you should have a healthy distrust of everyone, no matter who. It is like thinking your spouse will not lie to you when we all lie if even to protect someone's feelings. I believe as you do that once a cheater, always a cheater. I saw it personally and with several friends and our siblings. Marriage counselling seems to help for awhile in some cases when the cheater actually is sorry and is not going to avoid a divorce. Even then, most studies on counselling seem to only go for one year and then they stop tracking the couple. Many will divorce further down the road because you can forgive but not forget.

 

You will end up being suspicious all the time. You will bring her cheating up during arguments and wonder about her when she is not with you. She will resent being under your watchful eye and having to let you have access to her phone and computer. She will resent being accused of cheating and decide that she might as well cheat if she is going to be accused of it. Adults rarely change their nature which is why so many ex cons go back to prison.

 

No one wants to go through a divorce but it is better to do it sooner than later. I do not care about counselling because I will not trust a cheating spouse no matter what is said. I will have knots in my stomach when she comes home late from work, goes out with her friends until 2am and then comes home, avoids you and quickly runs into the shower. I would be suspicious when she goes to the mall for a few hours and comes back with very little that she bought. I could not live like that.

 

In the end whether she cheated again or not does not matter because I will always feel that she did so my feelings would be the same in either case.

 

 

 

This post made me sick to my stomach.