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Emotional affair with husbands best friend


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I got drawn into an emotional affair with my husbands best friend. he had split from his wife and he told me that if i was not with my husband he would want to be with me. i admitted i felt the same, as i had cared about him for such a long time, and helped him during his split, but we have both refrained from taking it any further due to the hurt this would cause everyone involved. we know it would only lead to disaster. we have tried to be friends but it is proving very difficult and have had several overly flirtatious conversations since. the trouble is i am no longer comfortable with him being friends with my husband. i know how wrong i have been and i still have very strong feelings for him, but if i am going to make my marriage work, and i want to, he needs to get out of my life and my husbands. he says he cant...is he saying that just because my husband would wonder why he was suddenly not wanting to be his friend anymore, so its easier to live with the deception? what a mess....dont ever even admit any feelings for anyone who is a friend of your other half or in your friendship circle....you cannot get away from them and its very painful to live with. it happens too easily...i wish he had never opened his mouth.

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OldOnTheInside

Sigh...

 

Is it that hard to just open up and be a bit more honest with your husband?

 

You don't even need to mention the potential affair (I doubt that you will personally, you'd have to accept greater responsibility for your actions), just say that the OM makes you feel uncomfortable, and that you would prefer it if some distance was built between the three of you.

 

Then find out why you were so attracted to him in the first place to minimise the chance of repeat offending. Hopefully it wasn't because you have poor self-control (I mean that in the nicest way, I really do).

 

You're walking along a slippery slope btw.

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whichwayisup
I got drawn into an emotional affair with my husbands best friend. he had split from his wife and he told me that if i was not with my husband he would want to be with me. i admitted i felt the same, as i had cared about him for such a long time, and helped him during his split, but we have both refrained from taking it any further due to the hurt this would cause everyone involved. we know it would only lead to disaster. we have tried to be friends but it is proving very difficult and have had several overly flirtatious conversations since. the trouble is i am no longer comfortable with him being friends with my husband. i know how wrong i have been and i still have very strong feelings for him, but if i am going to make my marriage work, and i want to, he needs to get out of my life and my husbands. he says he cant...is he saying that just because my husband would wonder why he was suddenly not wanting to be his friend anymore, so its easier to live with the deception? what a mess....dont ever even admit any feelings for anyone who is a friend of your other half or in your friendship circle....you cannot get away from them and its very painful to live with. it happens too easily...i wish he had never opened his mouth.

 

You chose this just as much as him so please, stop putting all the blame on your H's bestfriend. You either need to come clean to your H about what has happened before he tells him first. This is a messy situation, involves double betrayal.

 

Just wish you would have thought of the consquences before saying yes to him. Now your H IS going to think something is "off" especially if the bestfriend backs off..

 

Sorry if I've come off harsh it just irks me that you seem to be putting all the blame on him and not putting much on yourself.

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whichwayisup
no he is saying that because he doesn't want his own life disturbed. If this guy is willing to make a pass at his bf wife than he is obviously selfish. You need to confess everything to your H. He first needs to know what kind of "friend" he has, second this guy is gonna use his friendship with your H to get want he wants. And trust me he doesn't care about you, he wants to have sex with you not a relationship. Just watch he is gonna start trying to manipulate your relationship by passing info to you from your H. He's gonna do everything he can to make it seem like your H is selfish and a bad H. He gonna try an make you insecure about your marriage

 

 

Just watch

 

She needs to own her part in this...The bestfriend isn't the only guilty party in this. Yeah he is scummy to make moves on his buddy's wife, but she let it happen and also allowed feelings to grow, so it's NOT one sided. I do agree completely she has to tell her H what has happened.

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OldOnTheInside
Just divorce your husband.

 

Mmhmm.

 

On another note OP, your husband certainly surrounds himself in good company. I wonder what your husband's worst friend would do to him...

 

Anyway, I have nothing useful to say except "talk to your husband about this instead of a backstabbing friend or some random people on the internet" so I'll shut up now.

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does the integrity and character of a man even matter to women anymore? the fact that he is going after his best friends wife should make him gross in ANY woman's eyes...

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"I got drawn into an emotional affair." Is he a human tornado? LOL!

 

p.s. Where's the smug smiley?

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How would you feel if your husband had been doing to you behind your back what you have been doing to him? Show some integrity and respect for your husband and your marriage by telling him the truth. Right now you are making him look like a first class fool. His best friend and his wife has been betraying him and the friendship continues because you will not tell him the truth. Eventually he will find out and will be more angry with you because you did not have the decency to tell him the truth. This double betrayal is the worst kind of betrayal. You should be very proud of yourself.

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Mme. Chaucer

Have you met this guy: a594109 ?

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eamherst14051

dickinson, you can't BS the BS'ers here @ loveshack. You love the attention, you desire the attention and you want to escalate the attention. You just want it to make it look like you are taking the high road! Sorry

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eamherst14051: is some ways you are correct. at first the attention is very flattering because you do not think clearly. then you start to think rationally and you realise you have said too much. the trouble is, the damage can be done in seconds and you cant take the words back. we have spent weeks trying to justify and/or turn it into a close friendship whereas in fact we are just trying to fool ourselves into thinking we have done nothing wrong. i have betrayed my husband, he has betrayed his best friend and that is a fact. i need to understand why i admitted what i did. i know the grass is not greener so im not even going to pretend that crap... i need to tell my husband but i need to understand why i got drawn into this...the first mistake was not backing off at the first moment....and i think to be honest when you see the warnings and you dont back off....perhaps we are looking for it.

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Congratulations. I am pleased that you will be the right thing because the choice was either having a marriage based on truth and honesty or lies and deceit. I am glad that you will be making the right choice by being honest with your husband now. I wish you luck.

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Woman In Blue
does the integrity and character of a man even matter to women anymore? the fact that he is going after his best friends wife should make him gross in ANY woman's eyes...

Yup. I'd see him exactly for the scumbag he is.

 

And I'm sure the OP's husband wouldn't want his so-called best friend around anymore either, if he knew what a snake the guy REALLY is.

 

Poor guy. He can't trust his wife OR his best friend.

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