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Affair withdrawal


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Old 21st March 2011, 1:42 PM   #1
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Affair withdrawal

I have recently ended a 1.5 yr affair and am going through awful withdrawal symptoms. I work with him so see him all the time. This is temporary, but for many reasons, neither of us can quit this job right now. We speak pleasantries to each other, and that is about it. He was truly devastated when I ended things because he wanted to be together officially; however, now he at least appears to be doing great, which I have to admit, makes me feel worse. I truly miss being close with him, especially emotionally. Sometimes I wonder if I should go back to being together with him - I end up thinking about all the good times we shared and ignore times when he made me feel badly.

Can anyone who has gone through this withdrawal phase tell me how long it will last? I find myself daydreaming about being together with him the way we used to. I feel depressed, like I can barely eat, and look forward to sleeping to forget for a little while. Thanks.
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Old 21st March 2011, 3:10 PM   #2
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Are you married? Have you confessed to your spouse? If the roles were reversed wouldn't you want your spouse to be honest with you?
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Old 21st March 2011, 4:45 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by neveragain1 View Post
dryerase, divorce your husband, set him free, hook up with OM and you won't have to worry about withdrawal.

because your husband shouldn't have to sit around and wait for your relapse.
Exactly. And you're still working with the POSOM?!

Let your husband go.
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Old 21st March 2011, 5:40 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by dryerase View Post
I have recently ended a 1.5 yr affair and am going through awful withdrawal symptoms. I work with him so see him all the time. This is temporary, but for many reasons, neither of us can quit this job right now. We speak pleasantries to each other, and that is about it. He was truly devastated when I ended things because he wanted to be together officially; however, now he at least appears to be doing great, which I have to admit, makes me feel worse. I truly miss being close with him, especially emotionally. Sometimes I wonder if I should go back to being together with him - I end up thinking about all the good times we shared and ignore times when he made me feel badly.

Can anyone who has gone through this withdrawal phase tell me how long it will last? I find myself daydreaming about being together with him the way we used to. I feel depressed, like I can barely eat, and look forward to sleeping to forget for a little while. Thanks.
Please se a doctor or counselor. You may need anti-depressants to help you through the worst of it.

I am a fBS here....And I think it took my H a few months to de-fog from his affair partner, but he was not forced to see her every day!

It is normal to grieve the end of a relationship, and to dwell only on what was wonderful about it.

Would forcing yourself to think of all that was not wonderful help you?
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Old 21st March 2011, 9:36 PM   #5
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I found at first after the A ended and after d-day I thought about the xOM a lot, and then I realized that I was thinking about him as an escape from facing the consequences of what I'd done. Once I realized that, I was able to push him out of mind and face my own issues and my marriage. Plus I agree with Spark, thinking about the negatives really helped too. In terms of time, I think for everyone it's different how long it takes, so just take it one day at a time. That's best way to go, step by step.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 10:24 AM   #6
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Hockeyfan - this board is most definitely for both WS and BS. Don't read the posts if they offend you.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 10:36 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by dryerase View Post
I have recently ended a 1.5 yr affair and am going through awful withdrawal symptoms. I work with him so see him all the time. This is temporary, but for many reasons, neither of us can quit this job right now. We speak pleasantries to each other, and that is about it. He was truly devastated when I ended things because he wanted to be together officially; however, now he at least appears to be doing great, which I have to admit, makes me feel worse. I truly miss being close with him, especially emotionally. Sometimes I wonder if I should go back to being together with him - I end up thinking about all the good times we shared and ignore times when he made me feel badly.

Can anyone who has gone through this withdrawal phase tell me how long it will last? I find myself daydreaming about being together with him the way we used to. I feel depressed, like I can barely eat, and look forward to sleeping to forget for a little while. Thanks.
Maybe take some holiday time and stay away from the man you've just split up with. You can both leave your jobs (unless you're actually slaves and face being killed for running away or something equally devastating) and so you choose to stay in the same jobs.
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Old 22nd March 2011, 11:37 AM   #8
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How about spending that time and energy thinking of your husband/children and thinking of the damage you've done to them with your selfish behavior. I hope your husband is using this time while you are in "dispair" to be planning his course of action leading to divorcing you and throwing you out like yesterdays news.
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Old 23rd March 2011, 9:11 AM   #9
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How about spending that time and energy thinking of your husband/children and thinking of the damage you've done to them with your selfish behavior. I hope your husband is using this time while you are in "dispair" to be planning his course of action leading to divorcing you and throwing you out like yesterdays news.
If the OP's post would have been titled,

"How do I make it up to my husband?, I did something terrible" or something I'd have had some respect. Instead her pitiful whining is all me me me. What a piece of work, her husband deserves someone who will truly love and care for him. The OP deserves to be kicked to the Kerb.
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Old 23rd March 2011, 2:54 PM   #10
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oh come on now, isn't that a little too much to ask?
I guess it is from someone who would come here and ask for advice on how to continue to refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
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Old 23rd March 2011, 6:02 PM   #11
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DryErase, I am not saying this is not the right board. I know it can be confusing considering the tagline is "In an affair", but I just want to give you a heads up. You will get less spiteful hateful things on the ow/om board. Most of the people over there actually read the whole post and don't make assumptions. Some over here are nice, and even some of the posters over there are BS's and are over here and over there. But you will find more bitterness over here. You will get more actual thought out responses over there. Just an FYI since you seem to genuinely want help getting past the fog and withdrawals.
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Old 23rd March 2011, 6:12 PM   #12
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DryErase, I am not saying this is not the right board. I know it can be confusing considering the tagline is "In an affair", but I just want to give you a heads up. You will get less spiteful hateful things on the ow/om board. Most of the people over there actually read the whole post and don't make assumptions. Some over here are nice, and even some of the posters over there are BS's and are over here and over there. But you will find more bitterness over here. You will get more actual thought out responses over there. Just an FYI since you seem to genuinely want help getting past the fog and withdrawals.

This is just false. If you really want to "help" someone you will help them no matter where the post is. And if you think people who respond here, won't respond there...well ...yet right. The same responses from the same people. They are no more bitter here than bitter there since that is the same tired word that most people who disagree like to throw around.
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Old 23rd March 2011, 6:58 PM   #13
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This is just false. If you really want to "help" someone you will help them no matter where the post is. And if you think people who respond here, won't respond there...well ...yet right. The same responses from the same people. They are no more bitter here than bitter there since that is the same tired word that most people who disagree like to throw around.

I should have clarified. There are more angry bitter responses directed toward AP's on this board than there are on the other board. It's not hard to see either. Yes some of the angry people are over there too towards the OW/OM but actually no, not all of them. It is a lot less. It's just an observation. Nothing meant to anyone. Just wanted the OP to know she may get less harshness over there as a WS. I don't disagree with BS's being hurt or venting. I just disagree with them using nastiness to vent. So yeah, same tired nastiness begets same tired word.
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Old 23rd March 2011, 7:01 PM   #14
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I should have clarified. There are more angry bitter responses directed toward AP's on this board than there are on the other board. It's not hard to see either. Yes some of the angry people are over there too towards the OW/OM but actually no, not all of them. It is a lot less. It's just an observation. Nothing meant to anyone. Just wanted the OP to know she may get less harshness over there as a WS. I don't disagree with BS's being hurt or venting. I just disagree with them using nastiness to vent. So yeah, same tired nastiness begets same tired word.

I understood what you meant. I just have a problem with anyone BS, WS, AP telling people where they should and should not post. It gets old and tiring. What is wrong with adults posting where and when they see fit on public forum?
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Old 23rd March 2011, 7:04 PM   #15
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funny, nastiness in print is so appalling, and more so to some of you than the people getting hurt in real life.

True that.
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