buster Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 (edited) We have been married 19 years and 1 week ago I found out that my wife had an affair 10 years ago for about 2 months. He then moved away but she continued an emotional affair off and on for the next 10 years. I found out because she left her e-mail signed in and has keep messages from the last 10 years. She says it is over but that troubles me. She did send him a message that they can no longer have communication together. I don't want her to leave and I don't want to leave. She wrote some hurtful things and at this point I want to move forward. Tons of questions but not many answers. Thoughts??? Also, I want to know details but those images seem painful to say the least. Do I have the right for details of the sexual affair? Edited October 18, 2010 by buster added more stuff Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Of course you have the right to know the truth. She has not been your loyal wife for over ten years, why would you put up with anything less? Link to post Share on other sites
young&inlove Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Yes of course you have the right to know everything. After my hubs A, I asked every single question possible. I needed every detail. I feel that if my questions weren’t answered, I would have been eaten alive by my curiosity. Ask her what you need to know. If it’s really over she should be open to answering them all truthfully. Link to post Share on other sites
eamherst14051 Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 If you want the answers than you ask the questions. I would want to know everything, which of course is subject to interpretation, yours, not theirs! If all you get is TT or no response at all, well, that in fact is a response, just a negative one. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 You have a right to ask and you also need to do that, in order to be able to forgive and move on. She should understand that in order for you to get over the betrayal, you need to know WHAT it is that you're supposed to forgive. Details are necessary for your healing. She should understand that, if she wants to salvage the M. And you should explain to her why you need the truth from her. Link to post Share on other sites
blizzard Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Remarkable that she kept emails from 10years ago...wow. Why would she do this? It's sad really. I feel bad for you both... Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 You can never truly move forward without knowing everything. If you don't know the answers, you will forever be haunted by the "what if's". Remain weary. Your WW is not going to "get over" this 10 plus year relationship overnite. She needs to be totally truthful and honest, and you need to remain in investigative mode to verify she's doing what she needs to be done. Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 I could say that your marriage has been a fraud for the last 10 years. But that may sound too harsh. Besides, I don't know how your relationship is like. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Do I have the right for details of the sexual affair? you have the right to ask her anything you want, and she has an obligation to be truthful to you.....but she won't. You don't need details of the sexual affair. All you need to know is that she DID have sex and that she is a cheater...10 years ago or not. But even though details are insignificant, you can ask them as a way to test her out. If she answers all your questions and isn't trying to snowball you, it would be up to you to decide if you can stay with her. If she gets defensive and refuses to answer anything and has the attitude that you just need to get over it, then she isn't remorseful and no good will come of staying in a marriage with a woman like that. so asking for details, to me, would be more of a litmus test....the details themselves are irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Buster, Your wife had a physical affair for 2 months and put your health at risk for STD's 10 years ago. She continued this emotional affair for another 10 years and kept all of the messages. Your marriage has been one fat lie. She has only stopped because she got caught. She never had any intention of telling you the truth about the sex with this guy and the ongoing emotional affair for 10 years. If the roles had been reversed do you think your wife would be so accepting as you? You may wish to consider abandoning this farce of a marriage and move on and find someone in the future who can respect you and your marriage. It is unbelievable how your wife has continued to disrespect and humiliate you for the past 10 years. If you do not respect yourself then who will? I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 She's in damage control mode. She can't refute what you have found already. However, you need some healthy disbelief of what she is telling you about how it ended. Presume worse. I speak from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
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