is he sorry

[1_hangininthere]

I'm not really sure how to explain my question, so bare with me.

 

My WS has cheated on me emotionally, physically and virtually. I finally separated from him 14 months ago. About 2 months ago he was finally beginning to take responsibility for his actions. Well, I felt like he is trying to take responsibility. When he apologizes he says things like, "I'm sorry I was arrogant and inconsiderate." Or, "I'm sorry I took you for granted." Or, "I wish I could take it all back." But somehow I don't feel better after these conversations. I'm not sure if he is taking responsibility or just creating a smoke screen.

 

So here are my questions:

1. Does it sound like my SBX is really taking responsibility for the affair?

2. What does a WS have to do/say to show they are taking responsibility for an affair?

[DadofTwoGirls]

Actions speak louder than words according to my wife, because I said all that and it didn't work for me even though I meant most of it.

[1_hangininthere]

I think I missed my question.

 

Is admitting you're a jerk the same thing as taking responsibility? Or is it just another form of "I'm sorry your feelings are hurt?"

 

How does a WS take FULL responsibility for an affair? Does it mean he comes to me and tells the truth on everything? Or should he just tell the truth on what I ask about?

[hopesndreams]

After all that time apart, living separate lives, what does it matter what he has to say? You left for for good reason, he's nothing but a cheater, why spend time and energy on scum like that?

 

Stop engaging him. A whole year passes and he only has these few things to say,

 

"I'm sorry I was arrogant and inconsiderate."

 

"I'm sorry I took you for granted." Or, "I wish I could take it all back."

 

Big deal! You are reading way too much into this. STOP giving him attention.

 

Why haven't you filed yet?

[Star727]

My WH has a hard time admitting wrong on anything so when this whole infidelity business came up, he was arrogant, unremorseful, and unapologetic because he didnt realize that an emotional affair is the same as a physical affair - meaning, a relationship with another woman just because you didnt have sex with her is still an affair and is totally wrong. Now that he realizes it because I explained in detail what an emotional affair was, he has quieted his attitude down, but has not apologized.

 

He asked me what can he do to make this right. I told him to just act right and it will show. Well, he's now doing that.

 

I don't know if he came to me and said "baby I'm sorry for having the 10 year emotional affar, please forgive me" - if that would make a difference in how I feel about him.

 

All I know is right now, he's acting like the husband I had the first few years of our 23 year marriage.

 

Its like that saying I tell people all the time "you can show me better than you can tell me".

[justhereandthere]

I understand that all these years of been married to him and that you want answers. I would too if I was in your shoe. And by him saying that and it doesn't help afterwards. What DO you want him to say to you to make you move on? I know **** sucks and the pain and hurt of all this mess. But you did the right thing in moving on. You tell us what you want to heard. I know this is the man you love for so long and the pain has to be hard with three kids and everything. But what is it going to take for YOU to heard to move on. We can tell you what we think, but it's up to you in what you need to hear. I know you said your dating a guy for 6 months. Sounds like he has been there to help you thur these hard times in your life. I do hope you find peace in your mind and heart. Sorry you have to go thur this. It is the right thing to do.