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STD testing, did you do it?


outofthedark

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After finding out that your significant other engaged in sexual activities with other people, did you get tested for std's? Did you look at them and wonder what kind of creepy crawly things may be in their blood? Did you feel dirty knowing that you had sex with them during their affair times?

Just curious as this has recently happened to me and I ended up at an std clinic. Talk about humiliation, though it wasnt my shame to carry it is really hard to answer that question, "what makes you think you may have been exposed to an std?" "How many sex partners have you had, one. How many has he had, i have no idea."

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DestroyerOfWorlds

I can tell you that my W did go for testing and requested I go as well. I know she was pretty disgusted over the whole thing too obviously.

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I went, and yes he went with me. Im not going in there alone, hell no. I want both of us to know and for me to know what is running through both of us if anything. He said he would go without me after i brought it up but I dont really feel like I could trust him 100% to follow through with it or to give me the accurate results. Now I wait, that dreaded week long wait.

Duhh though, he seemed puzzled as to why I was upset while there. Why was it evident I had been crying. "whats going on, are you okay" he asked me. uh DUHH, look where I am!!!

God that makes me angry. When we met before I had sex with him I had him get std testing.. I am anal about this and now look where I am.

I hate the waiting and not knowing what these results may bring.

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DestroyerOfWorlds

Try not to let yourself get too stressed over it. Easier said than done I know but I am sure you have plenty more on your mind to distract you. If neither of you are feeling any sort of symptoms then it's probably not worth the obsessing over it at this point.

 

People think my xAP lied to me about every word out of her mouth but she insisted she hadn't been with anyone for over a year before she and I got together. The results came back clean for my wife and I.

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Yes...went out and a full spectrum blood test. Twice.

Both were negative and I took them 90 days apart (some STD's cannot be detected right away).

 

Humiliating but necessary.

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moaningmyrtle

I was unable to work for a couple of weeks due to being shattered by finding out about the A. I saw my usual doctor to get a certificate to take time off work.

 

Naturally I told my doctor why, so she very matter of factly took a blood test and swabs to test for STDs. There was nothing humiliating about it and she did not ask lots of questions. After all it's more important to find out if I have an STD rather than all the reasons I might think I have an STD.

 

My doctor advised against herpes testing. She said these days both genital and oral herpes occur in both places and a very large percentage of the population has herpes with virtually no symptoms. The first outbreak often occurs on the lips, when we are children and is usually the worst. She said even if the blood test was positive, it would say nothing about when I caught it and who from and could only be considered an indication that I got it from my H if I had had an earlier test that was negative.

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bentnotbroken

I have a test every 6 months since I found out about Mr. Messy. I want to say I am finally comfortable, but I am not. :(

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I got tested. I was not embarrassed or humiliated.

I went to my doctor, told her what happened and that I wanted to be tested for everything. She did the test with no questions or funny looks.

 

All negative.

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reservoirdog1

Oddly enough, getting tested was one way in which I felt I was able to wrest some control back in a situation which was spinning pretty horribly out of my control.

 

When XW admitted her multiple affairs over seven years, she told me that she'd been careful during them and had been tested. Needless to say I didn't really believe this, since (a) she'd demonstrated a pretty cavalier disregard for me for years, and (b) she'd always hated condoms.

 

Once the process of dismantling the marriage was in full swing, I told her that I was going to get tested. Naturally she told me that I didn't have to, she'd been careful, blah blah blah. I looked her in the eye and told her that I wasn't prepared to take her assurances at face value anymore, and "I need to be sure that I haven't gotten crudded up from having unprotected sex with you all these years." That shut her up pretty quickly.

 

Oddly enough she did ask me to tell her the results when I got them. I asked her why she wanted to know (after all, she'd supposedly been "safe"), and she answered "I'd just like to know."

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This may sound bizarre, but I am an xWS who had been tested before marriage, but got myself retested before I went into EMA.

 

I loved my AP so much I couldn't bear the idea of giving him an STD I might have unknowingly caught from my H!

 

And even when my xMOM told me he'd been with a prostitute once, I didn't think for a moment he might be 'dirty'. (He must have used a condom, right?)

 

I loved him so (ridiculous I know) that I thought he would be clean.

 

I realise that I and my H will have to go for tests at some point, but the last test guy was soooo creepy I can't face it right now.

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bentnotbroken
Oddly enough, getting tested was one way in which I felt I was able to wrest some control back in a situation which was spinning pretty horribly out of my control.

 

When XW admitted her multiple affairs over seven years, she told me that she'd been careful during them and had been tested. Needless to say I didn't really believe this, since (a) she'd demonstrated a pretty cavalier disregard for me for years, and (b) she'd always hated condoms.

 

Once the process of dismantling the marriage was in full swing, I told her that I was going to get tested. Naturally she told me that I didn't have to, she'd been careful, blah blah blah. I looked her in the eye and told her that I wasn't prepared to take her assurances at face value anymore, and "I need to be sure that I haven't gotten crudded up from having unprotected sex with you all these years." That shut her up pretty quickly.

 

Oddly enough she did ask me to tell her the results when I got them. I asked her why she wanted to know (after all, she'd supposedly been "safe"), and she answered "I'd just like to know."

 

 

It's funny Mr. Messy told me he didn't use a condom but he trusted the ow because she was honest with him:rolleyes::lmao: This from a serial cheater who got with a serial cheater. You gave me a new vocabulary word "crudded" I LIKE IT!:D

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Boundary Problem

Of course you get an STD test.

 

I don't need to be one of the people who are walking around saying "I'm clean" because I haven't had an STD test in 10 years.

 

I got an STD test when my husband and I separated and low and behold, something came up positive.

 

Glad I know. So I deal with it and I'm honest with future partners.

 

Doesn't mean I'm a wh-re.

 

Just means I'm a responsible adult and I would never put someone else's health recklessly at risk.

 

I frankly resent it when people link STDs to morality.

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I was in a situation in 2005 where all 4 of us went to the doctor to get tested for everything. It was miserable and embarrasing ... and afterwards gave me wonderful peace of mind that everything was okay.

 

I'm glad I did it

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bentnotbroken
Of course you get an STD test.

 

I don't need to be one of the people who are walking around saying "I'm clean" because I haven't had an STD test in 10 years.

 

I got an STD test when my husband and I separated and low and behold, something came up positive.

 

Glad I know. So I deal with it and I'm honest with future partners.

 

Doesn't mean I'm a wh-re.

 

Just means I'm a responsible adult and I would never put someone else's health recklessly at risk.

 

I frankly resent it when people link STDs to morality.

 

 

Where was that. I missed it.:confused:

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I was unable to work for a couple of weeks due to being shattered by finding out about the A. I saw my usual doctor to get a certificate to take time off work.

 

Naturally I told my doctor why, so she very matter of factly took a blood test and swabs to test for STDs. There was nothing humiliating about it and she did not ask lots of questions. After all it's more important to find out if I have an STD rather than all the reasons I might think I have an STD.

 

My doctor advised against herpes testing. She said these days both genital and oral herpes occur in both places and a very large percentage of the population has herpes with virtually no symptoms. The first outbreak often occurs on the lips, when we are children and is usually the worst. She said even if the blood test was positive, it would say nothing about when I caught it and who from and could only be considered an indication that I got it from my H if I had had an earlier test that was negative.

 

We both got the full range of tests sans herpes b/c our doc said same as above about herpes. And yes I was humiliated but doc was awesome, they've seen it all.

 

but now that we've learned MOW has herpes, H is going in for herpes test. while it is true it can remain dormant, the last sexual partners we had before we M was in 1987..herpes was around of course, but it sure seems like the 90s exploded with it! And in 20 years, neither of us have had so much as a cold sore.....so if he has it, he picked it up from MOW...if he is positive, then i will go get mine.

 

infidelity sucks on so many levels.

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Has anyone been tested for HIV? It is very expensive and there are two kinds of tests; one, if you already have it, and one, if you think you have maybe been exposed to it.

 

Imagine that?

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I want to know what if anything is running through me. The stuff that I can cure with antibiotics and the crud that could potentially kill me.

I had the test, awaiting the results.. the waiting is hard. I know if it is negative that I will have to re-test again in 90 days to be sure. I had every test that can be had aside from herpes for the same reasons as other posters said. No sores, may not even arise, blah blah.

Cost.. you use insurance, or go to county health department if no insurance. You cant really put a cost on knowing whether or not you have a life threatening virus swimming through your blood can you?

Ugh this entire thing has me so angry.. the cheating, the lying, the possible std.

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Blindsidedagainalive

After affair discovery, I requested WW to get tested.

 

She tested positive for HPV 16, the kind that causes cancer.

She had to get another procedure done to remove pre-cancerous cells on her cervix.

 

It was a very tough time for both of us.

 

Because HPV can have an extremely long dormancy, we don't know if she caught it from the OM.

 

However we have been together for 22 years...so I think that would be extremely long.

 

Anyway, it is something that needs to get done after infidelity.

 

I can't imagine if I was the cheater and caught an STD.....it must feel horribly humiliating. Also, I don't think I would have fond memories of the OW after catching something.

 

SO, PERHAPS CATCHING A CURABLE STD HAS A BONUS......NOW THE WW/WH HAS A REASON TO BE ANGRY AT THE OM/OW.

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jennie-jennie
Has anyone been tested for HIV? It is very expensive and there are two kinds of tests; one, if you already have it, and one, if you think you have maybe been exposed to it.

 

Imagine that?

 

I have been tested numerous times for HIV. HIV tests are free in my country. Do you have to pay for them in the US? :eek:

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After finding out that your significant other engaged in sexual activities with other people, did you get tested for std's? Did you look at them and wonder what kind of creepy crawly things may be in their blood? Did you feel dirty knowing that you had sex with them during their affair times?

Just curious as this has recently happened to me and I ended up at an std clinic. Talk about humiliation, though it wasnt my shame to carry it is really hard to answer that question, "what makes you think you may have been exposed to an std?" "How many sex partners have you had, one. How many has he had, i have no idea."

 

Oh yes.......right away. When I discovered that she cheated on me one of the first questions I asked was if he used protection. Her delay in answering it gave me my answer so two days later the both of us went.

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I have been tested numerous times for HIV. HIV tests are free in my country. Do you have to pay for them in the US? :eek:

County health departments and HIV/AIDS clinics do them free in the US

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  • 2 weeks later...
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All in the clear, thank you God. After all the worry and nightmares my results came back negative.

I learned a lesson here that I hope others don't have to learn the hard way. If your SO has cheated, get yourself tested asap!!!

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