eeyore1981 Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Yesterday my H's car wasn't at work, and my good mood completely evaporated and I was thinking, "Wonder who the b*stard is chasing after now?" all within a microsecond. Turns out he had gone to the house, but that doesn't matter. It's been over 2 years since D-day, and this is how far my trust has come. This is what the rest of my life is going to be like? God, I hate liars. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneInVegas Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 awww, sorry eeyore It's got to start getting better for you. But it is hard to trust again after that trust has been betrayed. Once Bitten Twice Shy is my mantra. Has he been a good boy for the past 2 years? I hope you manage to find some peace and trust within you if he has been. HUGS Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Trust is the hardest thing to rebuild, and it stands shaky and fragile for a long time. You never know what will trigger that pang of resentment and sarcasm. Will it always be like that? No one can really answer that. Each person reacts differently to infidelity, and while some people can eventually deal with it and overcome it, not everyone can. Some people decide years later they really can't deal with it and have to end the marriage. You have to evaluate and make that determination for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Eeyore, I too, wrestle with this. I too, hate liars. Listen, I told my husband that for me, it would take three things to overcome his affair. First, was forgiveness for the affair itself and I did that because our marriage was in such a sad state, had someone wonderful started schmoozing me, I could have easily succumbed. I would like to think I'd never do that, but I won't swear to it. The second phase of my process was forgiving the lies and deception. As an adult, I asked, why didn't you tell me you were developing feelings for someone else? We could have separated, gone to marriage counseling to see if we had anything to salvage while you pursued your feelings for her and allowed me to do the same. Date! I would have had so much more respect for you had done this, as painful as it may have been at the time. But it would have been the grown up thing to do. Third, and MOST important to me was, will I ever respect you again? This is the final and hardest phase for me...what I deal with now. As I learn and grow from all of this, he has too also. I need to respect him, and to feel somewhat reassured that it will never reoccur in the future. That I can truly trust him, and unless I see mature introspection into his actions of the past, how can we possible go forward? because I can't continue to live with fear, doubt, and not respecting my partner. Link to post Share on other sites
foreal Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 EEyore I feel like hell today too. I am sorry you had this experience. yea, is this all there is? I told my H the other nite, "it doesn't matter if we Divorce or not. My trust in people, men, anyone, myself, is shot. If I stay with you or start over, I'll never be whole again. " he tried to say that he too, has trust issues now- really? Do tell. He said that now he knows he should never have blind faith in anyone b/c look how horrible he is/what he did and that his actions have taught him he should never trust anyone blindly... i told him that's nice....but blind faith? that's the trust you've lost?! try losing ANY KIND OF TRUST. The cheaters just don't get it. They'll say they do, but they don't. It's like saying you get what it feels like to have a brazilian wax, even though you never had one...but until you actually do, uh, no, you don't get it. riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eeyore1981 Posted November 15, 2009 Author Share Posted November 15, 2009 EEyore I feel like hell today too. I am sorry you had this experience. yea, is this all there is? I told my H the other nite, "it doesn't matter if we Divorce or not. My trust in people, men, anyone, myself, is shot. If I stay with you or start over, I'll never be whole again. " he tried to say that he too, has trust issues now- really? Do tell. He said that now he knows he should never have blind faith in anyone b/c look how horrible he is/what he did and that his actions have taught him he should never trust anyone blindly... i told him that's nice....but blind faith? that's the trust you've lost?! try losing ANY KIND OF TRUST. The cheaters just don't get it. They'll say they do, but they don't. It's like saying you get what it feels like to have a brazilian wax, even though you never had one...but until you actually do, uh, no, you don't get it. riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip. BBM Thanks for the laugh! The first thing that went through my mind was, "You might feel a slight tingling sensation..." Yeah, right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author eeyore1981 Posted November 15, 2009 Author Share Posted November 15, 2009 Thanks, having some support means a lot. I just want to be happy, and I resent the hell out of how something so little can just wipe me out. I've been trying to decide what to do, and if I even still want to be married. I've been thinking a lot about separating. Most of our marriage I feel like I've spent trying to help him get his sh*t together, usually at my expense, and I'm really sick of it. We have MC (finally) again on Wed. Hopefully that is going to help me out. Link to post Share on other sites
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