Holes in my Heart

[Soulsearching]

Mine is a long confusing story, I recently am getting divorce for the 2nd marriage. I have a wonderful son that I get to spend quality time with which is a blessing. The breakdown of my 17yr. marriage was mostly my fault but i won't accept full responsibility, my problem now is that I find myself in a wonderful relationship with a woman who currently married, & is 17 yrs. younger than myself. I am a very fit man, as that is my profession, so i can keep up with her which is not the problem. We have been together for 5 months & everything is great, I honestly have a better rounded relationship with this women than I ever did with my ex.

Her Marriage sounds like a farce, they sleep in separate rooms, & hardly see each other, I believe I see her & talk to her more than her husband, she tells me she no longer loves her husband, it's more like a roommate/friendship relationship. I do feel guilty at times when i'm with her but the utter feelings that we share toward each other are to say the least intense passion, i understand the longer we stay together the intensity should dissipate but the flame burns very HOT & HIGH. We do have some problems though, when we first met we said that we would tell each other everything, unfortunately "I" thought it necessary to lie about the breakdown of my marriage I had an "emotional affair" & she can't seem to let it go, with the work that i do it seems that she thinks that i'm flirting with every woman that i talk to, which is not the case, i was true to my ex-wife for 17 years till circumstances changed & i felt let down by her, i worship the ground this young lady walks on, i have know reason to stray & told her that. We also feel the age difference is a concern, we have talked about having children & me dying before her. If anyone has had a similar experience i would appreciate some feedback.

[Tony T]

If this woman can't trust you, why would you think you have a future with her?

 

Frankly, I think she's pretty stupid not to give you credit for being honest. Would she have preferred a guy who kept things from her? Do you want a woman who doesn't have all her marbles?

 

Unless she can get beyond this current state of mind and her distrust of you, you don't have a chance in hell of having a healthy relationship with her.

[steffany]

I am in a relationship with a man that is 13 years older than me and I think that the problem is just like older men know better how to pay attention to his woman in bed he also knows how to be more attentive to people all around. When you are used to young guys who are worried that they will be seen talking to other women or will get introuble for having lady friends older men know that these relationships need attention too. And it can confuse us ladies used to younger guys who don't pay attention to their other lady friends. Did that make any sence? Just introduce her a few times when she is around and you talk to these people that threaten her. Trust me I understand my b/f has made a very good living from taking out celebraties and stars. He basically shows them a good time while they are in town. He parties for a living. He takes them to strip clubs, introduces them to women, takes them to clubs, bars, parties, gets them whatever they "party" with. It was kind of hard knowing if I could let my gaurd down at first but once he started introducing me to people I felt more at ease.

[HokeyReligions]

um HELLO! She's MARRIED! I don't see any way you can have a well rounded relationship with her. She's cheating on her husband - no matter what the circumstances - it's not an honest relationship. Frankly, the trust issue should be yours too and not just hers.

 

Does her husband know? How do you think he feels? Have you thought about the role model you are to your son?

 

You said

"I" thought it necessary to lie about the breakdown of my marriage

 

So, you have already lied to her. You didn't trust her enough to be honest with her? How is this a healthy relationship?

 

i was true to my ex-wife for 17 years till circumstances changed & i felt let down by her

 

And what happens when this new girl lets you down? What if she feels let down by you and cheats on you? How will you feel?

 

The age difference is the least of your problems. You are thinking with the wrong head. If you can't control yourself enough to demand she divorce her husband before picking up an affair with you then I doubt you have a future with her at all.

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh. No, I'm not sorry - I am being harsh. your whole post sounds so selfish and childish. Maybe you both need some counseling and self control.

[quankanne]

thank you, Hokey, I though no one else had PICKED UP on that particular little item ...

 

Buddy, of course her marriage "sounds like a farce" to you, and until she extricates herself from that relationship (i.e. DIVORCES the guy), you shouldn't be trying to start up a relationship no matter how intense and wonderful it is with her. Until then, the two of you are building up a future that's based on a very shaky foundation.

[steffany]

Man I thought only he was married and she was not! Goodness me well if she is married no way jose! Why work on her trust? she doesn't trust you because she is untrustworthy.

[steffany]

Guess my ADD isn't always good. Sometimes oblivion is not the place to be

[yes]

if she's married, why doesn't she get a divorce?? once she does, you can go from there. if she won't divorce, you got your answer...

 

-yes

[moimeme]

Ok, let's see. She is cheating on her husband but is jealous of you because you once had an emotional affair?

 

First of all, neither of you sounds like a prize since you have both already broken bonds of trust in other relationships.

 

Secondly, as Dr. Phil says "if they'll do it WITH you, they'll do it TO you".

 

I think neither of you should get into any relationship until you become honest and decide that you can and will demand that you become a faithful and trustworthy person.