ryvonne Posted February 20, 2003 Share Posted February 20, 2003 i have been dating this guy for over a year now who has previously been married/going through a divorce,has 2 kids together.about 4 montha ago was told by a close friend that his wife has=d moved back into his house (& he does not denie it) when we talk about it (she does know me & about me) however i find it very diffacult to deal with.he has aasked me over to his house more than once but i did'nt go.he tells me that nothing is going on with him & his ex but i have a really hard time beleiving it.(probably because he did'nt tell me himself about her moving back in)but when i asked it was true he said yes.(he said she moved in while he was out working & took him by surprise & he was to imbarrased to tell me)i keep asking him if i am intruding & in the way of him trying or wanting to get back together with her & he says no but gets angry when i ask (he said she is there for the kids & thats it)i want to talk to him about it more but i don't want to sound so insucure about the situation any suggestions on how to approach this lightly without causing a huge fight. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 20, 2003 Share Posted February 20, 2003 If you can't have a simple, adult discussion about a very important concern of yours without him getting angry, you will have no future with him. Unless you are into serious masochism, you'll go find a man whose life and living conditions aren't so complicated and a man who is fully open to disussion and resolution without hitting the ceiling. Frankly, I don't think he's shooting perfectly straight with you. Life is way too short to spend it with a butthole like this. And besides, it doesn't sound like you trust him much. This is a VERY weird living arrangement and if I were you I wouldn't be comfortable going to his house either. What makes him so special that you want to endure all this BS? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted February 20, 2003 Share Posted February 20, 2003 Any sane person would think that this is a bizarre & enormous problem. He's just hoping that by going on the attack (classic defensive move) he can divert you & get you to think that it's YOU who is insane for being bothered ... when it's really him that needs to have his head checked. He wants to get back together with his wife? Then he needs to get rid of his girlfriend. He doesn't want to get back together with his wife? Then he should kick her out of the house, or (if it's not his legally), leave himself. Good grief. If I were you, I'd get rid of him, because he is, at the very least, quite stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted February 22, 2003 Share Posted February 22, 2003 First of all, he was going through the divorce which means, they were technically still together....just separated. And then she moves back in the house. Whether they are together, or separated, if they are not legally divorced, this man does not have his life together, and he's bringing you in to wallow the mess he and his wife created. You might want to leave this relationship alone and follow your intuition. Because if something does feel right about it, it's because something is not right about it. Link to post Share on other sites
flowers Posted February 23, 2003 Share Posted February 23, 2003 look He is doing wrong not you. He acts like he is being attacked by you when you ask him questions so that he can turn the situation around....hopefully so that you feel that you are in the wrong You are not wrong for asking questions...you would be crazy and abnormal if you didn't. He is a manipulator.......... I would look for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Kodac Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 Why do you have to ask him, HAs he ever answerd you in a respectiful way and you could not or would not believe what he said to you? That happens often where we hear only what we want to hear and the rest is left out. What is the reason that he has her there? The kids maybe, do they sleep in the same room? Does he tell you what he feels for you? Sometimes (even though we would not) people do what seems to be very werid and different things and for the life oif us we think that it is wrong but until you are there and you see for your eyes you will never know why this has to be that way. You said that he asked you over to his place a few times and you did not go? why not, he is not trying to hide you, he wants to be a part of your life and maybe this was to show you that it is really over between them. The 2 kids that he has with this woman are they ok with the divorce? Or did one maybe get so upset that they thought that it would be better(for the kids)? Real oparents will go the full till for there kids not relizing that in the end the pain can still be there and hurt just as much if not more because of the extended time invested. I think that him inviting you over to the house is a big indication that he is not wanting to be with her and I would not worry about it at all. I hope this helps, I am a woman that was married and has kids with the ex, he would let me move in with him again(and he is in another relationship) if I had to, does not mean that there is love it means that there is still respect and they share the love of there kids together, thats the way that I am with my ex. Another thing, he would never allow his new relationship to distance himself from the kids we have either. Try are hard to take this guys words for what they are and also look at your past and see if there is stuff from past relationships that maybe you still have to deal with Just my thoughts hope they help you Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 So you've been dating him for a whole year now, and his (ex) wife supposedly moved back in *4* months ago and you didn't know this except for a friend telling you? Don't you ever go to this house? I've never been in a relationship that didn't involve me going over to his house, him coming to mine, etc. So for that 4 month period, you just never went there? So whenever you spend time together, he's always going to YOUR house? I don't blame you for being mistrusting here...the fact that she's apparently been there for a very SIGNIFICANT amount of time, and he didn't even have the decency to tell you. I wonder, was he EVER going to tell you? You shouldn't have had to find this out from 'a friend'..it should have come from him. And this crap about him being "too embarassed to tell you", oh please, that's silly and doesn't make sense. Why on earth would he be EMBARASSED? Sounds like he's got a sh*tload of baggage to deal with, and that he's obviously not even divorced. It's always best to date people who have totally dealt with their past marriages/relationships....I've found. If someone is "separated and going through a divorce", there's still so much crap that has to be dealt with, and even the divorce proceedings can drag on for many many months. You deserve someone who's got his ducks in a row.......not this kind of bizarre arrangement. By the way, WHY did his ex move back? That's very strange. Doing the math, it would seem that he was in the relationship with you for 8 months at the time she moved back...so were the kids not dealing with the breakup of his/her marriage? Did he have joint or sole custody of the kids? I'd be demanding to know WHY she's moved back. Could it be that she's had a 'change of heart' and wants to try and get back together??? Most people who are truly going through a divorce, they don't end up living under the same roof again.......... If you can't sit down with him and get some answers to these legitimate questions, then I'd say he's either hiding something (like is maybe working on working things out with her) or he's just got too much crap to deal with, and you don't need that. I've dated 2 guys who were "separated" and they both gave me the story that they were "just about divorced" (both had kids)...and as it turns out, in their heart of hearts, they weren't all that eager to proceed with the divorce..and when push came to shove, I was merely their "distraction" and "rebound girl".......messy situations with lots of lies, and I'm the one who ended up getting hurt..and putting up with way more sh*t than I ever should have. Now, I will NEVER date someone who's separated.........they're either divorced (and for at least 6 months) or single. Link to post Share on other sites
sheeba Posted March 22, 2003 Share Posted March 22, 2003 no one who is serious about a divorce is going to let their soon to be ex move back in-and if he states financial reasons or her hard luck, or for the kids, whatever-run like hell. these two people need to finish what they have to-let them do it cause i feel like you are being played for a fool and are gonna get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
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