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I'm not worthy....


BadMan

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Of my wife and family. I have been married now just over two years. I have a great wife and wonderful 19 month old daughter. My problem?

I am so full of lust it's ridiculous. I want to mate with every beautiful girl I see. My wife and I have an o.k. sex life. 1-2 times a week. But I want something new and different. My wife and I don't experiment anymore. I don't like to do oral on her becasue of her hygiene. I know that sounds terrible but it's true and I have told her and she won't do anything about it. So now I really crave

doing oral sex, among other things, with another woman, I know this sounds terrible. I really do love her. I would like to try swinging but I know she won't have any thing to do with it. It's getting frustrating for me. I most likely won't cheat on her becasue my guilty consciense won't let me, at least not yet. I feel terrible. :confused:

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You do sound frustrated. The two of you are sexually incompatible in the frequency and drive aspect. It's unfortunate that you didn't see that before you got married.

 

I respect and admire that you are not contemplating cheating on your wife. However, I just don't see how you can live like this for the rest of your life. Frankly, it sounds like you are at wits end and that you won't be able to tolerate the sexual frustration for too much longer.

 

I don't blame your wife at all for not wanting to get into the swinging thing. Most people don't go for that stuff and you didn't make that a condition of marrying her. She married YOU and vowed to be exclusive to you without other people involved.

 

I do think there are ways, specifically through counselling, where she can be pursuaded to clean herself properly and enjoy oral sex. Right now, my guess is that subconsciously...or maybe even consciously...she is experiencing anger at you for the pressure you are putting on her. The lack of hygiene in her genital area may be a psychological defense...or even an agressive act...toward you rather than laziness on her part. It doesn't take a lot of energy to clean down there.

 

There's a chance she does not want to give you oral sex and if she allows you to do her, she may feel obligated to return the favor and she just doesn't want to. That's OK. Her dislikes should be respected.

 

A highly competent therapist ought to be able to sort all this out and get you on the right track. I really do feel your wife has issues totally unrelated to sex...and most probably some anger and frustration with you...that she has not yet expressed. My feeling is that the two of you just don't communicate about a lot of things very well and you need to learn to do that AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!

 

Once you get these psychological issues squared away and solved, your wife may be very surprised at just how you can drive her wild and out of her mind with oral sex.

 

Just don't be pushy or aggressive about all this. Be patient and understanding. There are a lot of issues playing into this. Though your primary and immediate goal is more frequent and greater variety sex, you wife has many things she must deal with and resolve and you've just got to be very understanding about this. The more kindness, patience and understanding you show her...and the less pressure and selfishness...the quicker she will come around to your liking.

 

It could very well be that your wife will never, ever like to do some of the things you have suggested...or, in time, she may. You must respect her wishes. If she doesn't want this swingers thing, don't go there anymore. That's really asking a bit too much of a spouse if she is unwilling.

 

Be sure to get highly competent professional help.

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Thanks Tony,

All good points you made. Just to clear up a little bit. My wife would love me to give her oral but I just am not into it with her for the reasons I mentioned above. So she's frustrated also. I love regular sex with her though. She's the best I have ever had in that respect. We've talked about counceling but jsut haven't done it yet. I just wish there was some way to calm my hormones down. I feel that I am in control of my body but metally I'm tormented.

Thaks again Tony.

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Well, poor genital hygiene (or hygiene in general) is nasty. So you've tried to bring this up but she doesn't care that she's so not 'fresh' down there? Yuck. Does she not take pride in herself? You'd think that if a husband told his wife that she had crotch rot, that she'd be embarassed and going out of her way to be as fresh as a daisy. Don't mind me, I've always been meticulous about being 'fresh'....I thought it was just common sense.

 

You could maybe try suggesting that you have a shower together....that can be sort of romantic......and while in the shower, get a wash cloth or bath sponge, soap it up, and make "washing her all over" a part of the fun. Do her back, her front, etc....paying very particular attention to 'down south'....spend lots of time in the shower, the more hot water the better. Use lots of soap. If you have one of those hand-held shower heads, that's great......for rinsing down there, and stimulation.

 

Hopefully she'll become more 'fresh', and you could even try oral sex in the shower.

 

I take it she doesn't trim her pubic hair at all, too? There's can be a musty, strong odor down there, due to urine that collects in the pubic hair. It helps somewhat if a man or woman, keeps their bush trimmed nicely. Some couples will make an event of trimming each other........(just be very careful!).

 

Try the shower thing......it SHOULD work...and then maybe it can become some kind of routine...showering before you have oral sex.

 

If she's really foul down their, like a fishy smell, that's more than just poor hygiene..a fishy smell denotes an infection in the vagina...like trichomonas, that is NOT sexually transmitted (well, it can be) but can just develop, due to poor hygiene, etc. A trip to the doc is in order for this, so that a simple course of antibiotics can be ordered. Fishy smelling is NEVER normal.

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A great idea....take a shower with your wife and scrub her crotch for her. Let her scrub yours. That sounds like a wonderful, romantic idea. And you can be assured that the area will be clean to your satisfaction.

 

Why didn't I think of that???

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What do you mean? Is it that her pubic hair is not as trim as you'd like? Is it that she sometimes has a smell/taste you don't like? If this is how she always was, my advice to you is 'suck it up'. If this is something new, she might have an infection.

 

But what I dislike most about your post, is that you are insulting a very personal part of your wife's body. How would you like it if she started analyzing your penis, or the hair on your butt, or the fact that you are losing hair - whatever applies. What if she decided to stop sleeping with you or giving you pleasure because of it? How would you feel? What ever happened to accepting someone 100%. Most people wouldn't want to have sex and experiment with someone if they feel that they are going to be insulted or picked apart by their partners.

 

What is more important to you - your wife or avoiding picking a few pubes out of your mouth, etc? Realize what you are doing and the affect it can have on your marriage. You are witholding oral sex from your wife even though you know that she would love it. You are causing the emotional wedge.

 

Sometimes women smell/taste different depending on their cycle. I think the shower idea is a great one. But above all - stop witholding oral sex from your wife - I'm assuming your wife was like this before - and you still fell in love with her and married her. Why is it all of a sudden disgusting for you? I think there's something else going on here.

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YOU WRITE: "But what I dislike most about your post, is that you are insulting a very personal part of your wife's body."

 

I'm sorry you found that insulting and that's certainly your call but pointing this out was a very important part of this man's post and there is no indication that he meant to be insulting in any way.

 

He's not talking about hair here, he's talking about odor and his wife won't do anything about it. The odor in a human crotch, both male and female, can be awful...more ungodly than you could ever imagine. It's the worst sexual turn-off than almost anything.

 

If this man wants to perform oral sex on his wife and she won't take care of properly cleaning her vaginal area and making that a possibility, there can be a host of problems he needs to address.

 

For anybody reading this, I urge them to keep their crotch clean at all times because the odor that can stir up there can be transmitted quite far and is repulsive.

 

I don't care who is offended, that information is important.

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Debster, give the guy a break, get off your cycle for a change and be nice to someone. I don't blame him for being turned off if his wife is purposely not cleaning herself. It's obvious from his post he loves her and wants to have a good, satisfying sex life with her, and he's ashamed of himself for fantasizing about being with others. It took a lot of courage for him to post here. I'm sure if he tries the shower idea and if it comes to that, marriage counseling, they will be able to get past these difficulties that are coming between them.

 

I agree with Tony, the swinging thing is not a good idea. That would not only not solve any problems, it would create many more, and far worse ones. If your wife isn't paying attention to genital cleanliness, sex probably is not on her mind, so what would she get out of being with anyone else---she's not even thinking of being with you. You'd be the only one benefiting from the arrangement, and it would be at her emotional and sexual expense. I'd suggest trying to uncover the reasons why she isn't eager to please you in bed and go from there. I hope you all work it out, for the sake of your marriage, and the love you obviously have for her.

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I don't quite understand Debster's hostility but the rest of you have given me valuable insight and advice. I appreciate it as it is NOT and easy topic to discuss.

Thanks again.

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I admire you for realizing that what you were feeling is wrong...and being so eager to change and fix it. It really touched my heart that you find yourself not worthy of your wonderful family.

 

I'm hoping that it all works out...much happiness to you!

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Are you saying that your wife doesn't wash herself? I'm sorry, I just find that VERY hard to believe that someone wouldn't do that.

 

I thought you were criticizing her natural smell - (every woman has one) something she can't really control and was there all along - not that she wasn't washing.

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Deb, I think you're being far too harsh on this guy. Just because you marry someone, that surely doesn't mean you have to put up with their crotch funk/poor hygiene. It's just as much as a spouse's marital responsibility to practice good genital hygiene as it is anything.

 

If the guy is grossed out by the odor/funk, there's no way he should "suck it up" and just accept it. Have YOU ever gone down on a guy who stunk down there? It's freakin' nasty. I dated a guy once who, in the hot summer, didn't maybe shower as much as was warranted, due to 100 degree temps (during the day)....and I remember being "on my way" down their, and the smell just about knocked me over. I loved this guy, we were even engaged, but there was no way in the world I was going any closer, period, bottom line. It almost turned me right off of having oral sex with him altogether. I immediately suggested we take a shower together, which helped (just let on we were doing it as a romantic thing).

 

Some people are just slobs when it comes to genital hygiene. They figure they can hop in the shower, run their hand between their legs with a bit of soap and they're clean. For women, due to the urine that can't help but linger in this area (from when she pees and urine passes over it all, including the pubic hair), it's ESPECIALLY important that a wash cloth be used.....and soap.....and actually WASHING the area (and rinsing well). Otherwise the funk just grows and grows......which can even put her at more risk of developing a yeast infection, etc.

 

The biggest problem here is, the original poster says he's TOLD HER that she's got crotch rot, and she doesn't seem to care/won't do anything about it. Nice attitude !

 

I hope he tries the 'shower trick'.....and makes that a new part of their sexual relationship (he said that things were starting to get boring)...a couple can have lots of fun in a shower or bathtub.

 

After only 2 yrs of marriage, though, I hope he really thinks long and hard about all this before he goes lusting after some other woman.............and acting on it. And really, there IS more to a marriage than sex. Maybe he and his wife need to sit down and talk...take the baby to a relative or babysitter, and spend a day together....getting reacquainted. I'm sure the dynamics of their relationship/marriage have changed, due to the baby..........that's normal. "couple time" is especially important when there's a baby around.....otherwise the spark can be lost.

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I find it very hard to believe that you find it very hard to believe that a woman might not be clean. My fellow's ex-wife was not. Lots of people are not. For my part, I can't get over how many men seem to be suffering from advanced stages of gum disease. Their mouths are like trenches full of dead things and old sewage. You think I'd kiss a guy like that? Not in this lifetime! You think they'd realize it or know they're supposed to take care of their choppers - well, guess again!

 

Common sense is in amazingly short supply, you know, and just because you might think of something as normal doesn't mean everyone does. Heck, I've read advice columnists for years and seen plenty of letters from spouses about their offensive, unwashed partners. And, as JustA mentioned, women can get infections they don't even know about which cause real nasty odours. Not everybody pays attention to medical news.

 

I don't think anyone has yet mentioned that certain foods can also cause nasty odours/flavours in bodily fluids.

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Yep, good ORAL (mouth) hygiene is just as important, too.

 

I guess I'm really sensitive, though, the mouth is one of the DIRTIEST, most bacteria-infested orifices in the body!......but whenever I've been in a relationship and oral sex is performed on me, almost like clockwork, I get a urinary tract infection first thing the next day. Took me a while to catch onto the connection. Now, if I'm ever in a relationship and a guy wants to go down south, he needs to know in advance that he better brush his teeth, his tongue and use anti-bacterial mouthwash first LOL. UTI's are nasty, and I've had a zillion of them..and have interstitial cystitis, so that can compound the discomfort more.

 

About foods affecting taste of body fluids...well, I knew that about men. Read a long time ago that, say, if a guy consumes a lot of red meat in his diet, his ejaculate will taste rather bitter or nasty. BUT....eating pineapple or the juice of pineapple, can leave the ejac. tasting rather nice. Came across a list once, that explained which things to avoid, which to consume...to alter the taste.

 

I wasn't aware, however, that this could apply to women.

 

Speaking of poor hygiene, that reminds me of my best friend in high school. I used to cringe when I'd go to stay overnight there.....because they'd never give me a wash cloth to have a shower with, just a towel. Call me crazy about how can ya wash your beaver/crack properly without one? LOL This might explain, too, why in grade 12, whenever it was her 'time of the month', she just wreaked!

 

Always wondered why so many people don't wash properly. There's been more than one or two guys in my life, who I've had to TRAIN...to use a flippin wash cloth when he had a shower......most just used their hand and that's all. Guess it all depends on how you were brought up, and the emphasis your Mom put on hygiene. Glad my mom was a neat freak! LOL

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