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Stay or Go ?


Rivendahl

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I've been married 7 years this month

we've had problems(cheating before we got married and not telling me until we had been married for 2 years - I was 7 months pregnant when it happened, then a few months ago not knowing if he loved me because he was facinated with someone else, kissed a man once to see if he liked it another time kissed a man to HELP a friend decide if the friend would like it . Doesn't help me enough with the house and the kids and we are drwoning in debt) He however has tolerated a friendship I have with a ex boyfriend that I have been friends with for over 10 year that before we got involved I told him that he'd be a part of my life and we would allways be friends.,

 

We seperated after his facination with the last woman and I had went to see a lawyer and had started over my life and was dating again. I was happy I slept with a old boyfriend that I had started talking to again after we seperated That same night he had admitted himself in to the psych unit because he was afraid he'd kill himself because of him wanting to end the pain. The same night he admitted himself his halfsister killed her self (they were not close but I was afraid of how it would effect him.) It still hasn't. I came home to care for him and love him to make sure he would not hurt himslef again and to make sure my kids had their father. I love this man we have been friends more than half our lives

 

I am afraid of leaving because of the damage to him the kids and our lives. He tries to be a good husband and in general is a good person We met when we were 13 and got involved when we were 18 so we have been friends most of our lives and I don't want to destroy him. I have my own issues and I have been hiding them by pushing them down and eating to cope with the pain I almost had gastric bypass surgery less than 3 days ago and chickened out at the last minute literally. So all of this has came to the forefront.

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Until you get your entire life in order personally you should make no major moves. Your life has been full of drama. Since the only person in the world you can control is yourself, start conducting yourself in a moral manner and one in which none of your behavior will backfire on you. Get all of your medical problems taken care of. Learn medication and other techniques to minimize your stress.

 

Once you have your act together and can live a bit more calmly, you'll be in a better position to determine what is best for you.

 

Frankly, I don't feel comfortable recommending any particular life strategy for you....or telling you to stay with your husband or leave him. That's a serious decision only you can make...but a decision that should be made with a calm, clear mind.

 

Your life is in a shambles right now. Work on that before you try to get another romance going.

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I agree. You have to start focusing in on your issues. Two "weak" people can not be useful to each other if they don't get the needed help they deserve separately. It's like the blind leading the blind. Take care of #1. Maybe you both can go to counseling separately to find out what's going on in your head. I think if you start with your own personal demons than you could be in a better position to help him. Anything worth fighting for requires personal sacrifice. If you both love each other like you say you do than it might be time to take a break to improve personally. Attempted suicide, binging, etc. are very terribe signs of something raging from within. If you don't take care of the "underlying infection" than you are not going to cure the problem. Right now, you guys are just treating the surface layer. You have to go much deeper than that to save yourselves. Best wishes in doing that.

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