ForumFool Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 I am leaving my husband in the summer hanging here just to keep my feet in the house we both own and getting my ducks in a row....cash wise and so on...anyhow my husband has been talking as IF there is a future..I don't want to stay with him and had told him back in Feb we would be getting a divorce. I have made this IMO very clear in public and private. This Sunday (Easter) he spoke on the phone with his daughter she had a baby back in Sept...I have only met his girls maybe 5 times in 15 years ...he told her WE will be looking forward to seeing her and the baby when she comes to visit his mom and dad ...ugh help....how do I get out of this I don't want to meet my kind of grandchild only to never see it again....at the same time I could not say anything till we got home last night because his mom and dad are very very old and I didn't have the heart to tell them their son was dust come summer....esp on Easter they were so happy to see us ...his dad esp adores me. I am torn on telling them all on his lies...stealing (from a store he even got busted and had our checkbook on him ...he made huge bank then too) on how he really got fired from his job of 30 some years not retired early as he states..how he doesn't look for a job and so much more..things I have posted on here in the past on sexual issues and well just so much..... should I tell them all (I can back it up) or just leave when the time comes and just be the bad guy to them because once I go ....I am nothing to them but he will always be their son.....and dad????? AND my anniversary is coming up......what am I suppose to say when he gives me a card and gift??? I know him and know he will...... I should add also I did mention late last night at home how I didn't want to meet the baby and why.....he just looked...odd..... Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 Maybe you won't have the luxury of delaying your exit until "Summer". Stuff happens, life is fluid. If this guy is really the horror you say he is moving up the time frame might not be such a bad thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ForumFool Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 Thanks Lake well the hope and plan is to ride it out till summer but I know that can change at any time....but legal advice was to stay IN the house and a decision is being made by the loan company on what will be done with the house....something will happen in that time . He is not violent...OK once a year or two back he started beating me in bed but that has been it......the rest is more emotional abuse and such..I am wondering how to deal with his family as I take no pleasure being hurting anyone.....it seems noble to let them think I was the one to (whatever he tells them) and he is the perfect son....I know his kids are not fond of him..The one with the baby is trying to be close to him the other one stays in touch with me but has not been in the same room with him for over 14 years....In fact because she went to see his mom and dad Christmas they had to not invite us or she would not fly in to see them .she refuses to see or speak with him.....tis messed up and not my fight/issue Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 Why dont you be a real woman. Stand up. and tell him how you feel? Why be a coward about things. Tell him what's going on. Sometimes in a final act of desperation people change or they falter. but why take away his choice to choose. Kinda coldhearted to do what your doing, you know. why dont you be real about yours? Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 .anyhow my husband has been talking as IF there is a future..I don't want to stay with him and had told him back in Feb we would be getting a divorce. Keep telling him, every day if need be, it obviously hasn't sunk in. Dash his hopes, this must be done--such cruelty otherwise. Make sure he gets it. Then you won't have to worry about an anniversary card and gift. As far as telling his family, just don't. It's his family, his blood, let him handle things on that end when you finally do leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
sotired Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 As far as telling his parents... I wouldn't. He sounds like a jerk...but he will always be their little boy. They will either not believe you, not care, or be totally heartbroken. I just don't think it's fair for them....You'll never have to deal with them again after the divorce is final. I would just leave gracefully and not sling any mud. When I was a kid, my mom cheated on my dad....My dad told her father who was on his deathbed at the time. I never could forgive him for that...it was just so cruel and unnecessary. He did it thinking it would hurt my mother more...but she was still in her own little world from the affair and didn't care...her father was the one that suffered. Link to post Share on other sites
Heroic Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 What do you care what he says, it's his bussiness. If you care to be polite play the role, if you don't care, don't play the game. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ForumFool Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 Why dont you be a real woman. Stand up. and tell him how you feel? Why be a coward about things. Tell him what's going on. Sometimes in a final act of desperation people change or they falter. but why take away his choice to choose. Kinda coldhearted to do what your doing, you know. why dont you be real about yours? Hi Chrome and thanks for trying to help. I am thinking maybe you have not seen my entire post nor the ones I started when I first joined the site.....I HAVE told him we are getting a divorce I am the BS ....that is all another thread if I can find the thread I would be happy to link it.....I have told him point blank..I have told others right in front of him I am leaving come mid summer declining invitations to wedding and graduations. I am lost why you think I am being cruel/cold hearted and not a real woman ..Can you explain so I can better address your post...though I am betting you didn't understand what all was said here...and the background...Leaving a liar and cheat who has had hidden accounts and credit cards while I have gone without glasses , medical care and food even heat 2 weeks while he paid for sex sites seems to me that is not cruel at all Link to post Share on other sites
Author ForumFool Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 Sotired, Heroic and hopesandreams thank you also, I really really HAVE told him I am gone as soon as they make a decison on the house and have my medical care covered...I am not mean to him ...but have point blank told him.....I may have to point blank tell him daily but I hate to be mean on it all.....I will see if I can find my other threads to link here....So far we seem to all agree not to tell family.....I went Easter with him when he went to see his mom and dad ONLY because he will NOT go see them without me...they again are VERY old and well I just feel sorry for them so I went...I would have rather stayed home....Off to look for the links but I think I will not tell them....THANK YOU Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Hi Chrome and thanks for trying to help. I am thinking maybe you have not seen my entire post nor the ones I started when I first joined the site.....I HAVE told him we are getting a divorce I am the BS ....that is all another thread if I can find the thread I would be happy to link it.....I have told him point blank..I have told others right in front of him I am leaving come mid summer declining invitations to wedding and graduations. I am lost why you think I am being cruel/cold hearted and not a real woman ..Can you explain so I can better address your post...though I am betting you didn't understand what all was said here...and the background...Leaving a liar and cheat who has had hidden accounts and credit cards while I have gone without glasses , medical care and food even heat 2 weeks while he paid for sex sites seems to me that is not cruel at all Two wrongs dont make a right. And yes I didnt read where he cheated I just thought you was a walk away wife. now that being said, why prolong things out in his mind he's not understanding the full picture. You can tell him to your blue in the face but action's is where it counts. Have you did the 180, Hired a lawyer, start seperating finances? I mean if your not moving and only planning why talk about it, be about it. If he cheated by all means the marriage vows is broken and you as a BS has the right to divorce. it's only logical. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Two wrongs dont make a right. And yes I didnt read where he cheated I just thought you was a walk away wife. now that being said, why prolong things out in his mind he's not understanding the full picture. You can tell him to your blue in the face but action's is where it counts. Have you did the 180, Hired a lawyer, start seperating finances? I mean if your not moving and only planning why talk about it, be about it. If he cheated by all means the marriage vows is broken and you as a BS has the right to divorce. it's only logical. don't be an ass, admit that you were wrong in this case... You have good points to offer, but just not so much in this thread... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ForumFool Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 I FOUND THE LINK.....This sadly is my story in a nutshell...I have another one to find.....I will be back I am gonna shower ....but thank you all...I will be back and thanks for the help ..... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t179888/ Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 don't be an ass, admit that you were wrong in this case... You have good points to offer, but just not so much in this thread... I'm not an ass. she never said he cheated on her from jump and just treated her like dirt. I'm basically giving my opinion off of what I read. Sue me. I was misinformed. And I bring up good points like i always do. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 I'm not an ass. she never said he cheated on her from jump and just treated her like dirt. I'm basically giving my opinion off of what I read. Sue me. I was misinformed. And I bring up good points like i always do. yes you do... And I apologize about the "ass" comment.. long, hard day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ForumFool Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 Oh gosh please don't fight guys but thank you both and Stamp for defending me too...You both are awesome. I guess I am so use to reading about or knowing people before I post (I go back to their first few threads started to get a feel for them) that I failed to make it clear why I was leaving and all....sorry I just figure people know me by now......kinda duh I guess of me OK I still do not understand where my wring is BUT I have taken action ....I have spoken to a lawyer (can't pay for one yet) and like I think I said way above was told to STAY IN THE HOUSE ...I can't pay for her yet but she told me stay ..being he is not physically abusive) and gave me a few things to wait on because I have to wait to see what is going on with the house..if they will short/quick sale it..if forclosure will happen etc...then to move on it all.(by then I should have more money to pay her I have sold some items I own)...and in the mean time I am looking for a job and so much I can't type all .the steps taken to be sure I have knowledge of what is going on with mutual assets (he could lie or sign my name....he has a history of these things) .....so that is why I am waiting......I have to be here till I get word....I do not have any income of my own and can't get it till the asset issues and also the divorce hits because his income ....early retirement and unemployment voids what she thinks I could get which is SSI not SSD...I can work some... I told my hubby I was divorcing him and we could be roomies till then but he still acts like he doesnt get it. I am just stunned and so not use to divorce or how to do all this....Even with all that has gone on and how he has treated me I try not to be mean about it all but I am just lost and needing any and all help on how to do this...Lay low seems to be the lawyers advice till I know more on the house as well as making sure I have copies of some papers and taking some steps to make sure I move into something not just the street. I am still left with a man that no doubt will do something on our anniversary and its only maybe a week away.....I can just say thanks .....or do I say hey look thanks BUT ...I am lost on this. I already stated above I will not tell his family all that advice makes much sense....again thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author ForumFool Posted April 15, 2009 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t184647/ This is my other thread...so now I have listed all 3 key ones for anyone who doesn't know me yet and is not clear on what is going on here.....Sorry I didn't clear that up earlier or list these it may help to get a feel for me Link to post Share on other sites
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