k619 Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 That's what everyone (including my husband) keeps telling me about his little text message affair. They send over a thousand text messages in 3 short weeks, she sent nude photos of herself to him and they talked dirty but I guess I shouldn't be that upset. He even admitted there was a point (when we were having big troubles) where given the opportunity he would have slept with her. It's over now at least on his end and he keeps telling me he didn't do anything wrong because he didn't touch her. I mean he knows he shouldn't have done what he did but someone the lack of sex is suppose to make me feel better. But I'm still so upset, I want to call her and tell her exactly what I think of her little game but I know I have to be an adult (as much as I don't want to) and just move on. Does it get easier????? Link to post Share on other sites
Agent_99 Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 Yes there is something wrong. He crosses a boundary line that never should be crossed in a committed relationship. There are other's who will give you better advice than I have to offer. I just want to say that years ago, when my XH cheated. Everyone told me that I had nothing to worry about because he choose to stay with me. I didn't see it that way, but he had the support of my family even in that. It took me almost a year to feel like things were okay for me again. And it was a year where I invested a lot of work in myself first and my marriage second. ~99 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 Tell him you would like to attend one of his "chat" sessions. Or, better yet, tell him how much happier he seems and you'd like to share that, finding a "text" buddy of your own He simply hid a social relationship from you, ostensibly because you would be unhappy or threatened by it. He cheated. If you value your R/M, you'll suggest counseling and find out what's behind this. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 She sent him nude pics but they haven't been physical at ALL?? Please tell me that you don't believe that? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Ask him how HE would feel if you sent nude photos to your male co-worker online. I bet it would be a HUGE issue then..And, some dirty talk, thoughts of all the what if's... Link to post Share on other sites
theobserver Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 It's sad when family and friends sometimes give this advice I bet you have childred too. Usualyl it's for the sake of keeping unit, not "embarassing" the family or friends over something "minor" yet if it happened to them they'd react exactly like you. What matters is how you feel. The fact your husband felt the need to get attention from another woman. I don't think your friends/family know all the details right . This wasn't a few texts here and there for an ego boost. He sent thousands I don't think I even send more then 100 texts a month and I'm an avid texter I'd say got to love them plans though he always catching you out. I think what people are trying to say is you've caught him before it got physical (allegedly) this is a time for HIM to see why he did this to just spit it out and get out whatever he isn't getting from the relationship onto the table. Lack of attention Lack of sex whatever but this is not to make him happy this is for both of you, this is also your chance you unload and let out anything that is leaving you unsatisfied . It's an age old meme but "communication is the key to success" In almost anything in life especially a healthy relationship. Also before you have this discussion he seems a little thick skulled these are the same fools who don't know they're in an emotional affair merely because it's barely talked about and until that whole deal with madonna only now is EA becoming more known. Anyway Like I said, when he comes home look at your phone and say wow he's got a huge cock yummy. Watch him about to explode and then say "now you know how I feel but it's deep emotional damage" Does it get easier? To know your partner may not be everything you expected? To realise there's more flaws that you noticed in the past? It can if you're both willing to make it work him especially. However if he continues to deny he did anything wrong knowing it pains you then consider this a blessing in disguise and get out of this relationship the cleanest and finanancially best way you can lifes too short. Link to post Share on other sites
soda Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 It's over now at least on his end and he keeps telling me he didn't do anything wrong because he didn't touch her. Does it get easier????? No, it gets harder because your H is in denial. Until he understands that what he did do was a betrayal of your marriage, your marriage will not thrive. My W tried this same song and dance. She pointed out that OM was ugly and overweight...and then she poured all of her energy into maintaining the R, regardless of the cost to our marriage. Emotional energy robbed from you and given to his "friend" is cheating. He needs to recognize this and be a "big person" and change his ways. You're probably going to deal with a lot of bs, but you need to understand...you didn't send the texts, you didn't show off your body to another man, and you didn't put your marriage second... Your H made a crummy choice. Whether you want to work on the marriage or not is your decision. Until he decides to work on the M (meaning, no more EA) you reserve the option of kicking him to the curb. Be careful of snakeoil salespeople. My W was one. Link to post Share on other sites
GPFan Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 It's over now at least on his end and he keeps telling me he didn't do anything wrong because he didn't touch her. I mean he knows he shouldn't have done what he did but someone the lack of sex is suppose to make me feel better. But I'm still so upset, I want to call her and tell her exactly what I think of her little game but I know I have to be an adult (as much as I don't want to) and just move on. Does it get easier?????I don't see how this can get any better until he sees what you see. Counselling, both individual and joint, would be your best option. If he refuses? Well, the writing will be on the wall and you will have to come to terms with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 he keeps telling me he didn't do anything wrong because he didn't touch her. How do you know (and why do you believe) this to be true? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
AquaBliss Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 I am new on here , but I went through this VERY SAME situation ah about 6 months ago with my H. I was livid I found the texts and the nudes pics on his cell phone account .. I was two states away at the time visiting family , and he was texting and exchanging pics. And you know what? He also did not think he cheated on me since it was not physical, so he says it wasnt ...... Bottom line Yes, its cheating its taking away his attention on you where it belongs,and sounds to me he is like my husband and 6 months later continues to think he did nothing wrong! Oh and BTW I did text the OW from his cell phone , and I made sure he never heard from her again. I dont think it gets easier at all JMO since I am going thru the same thing. ha I check his cell phone all the time, I also have a complete text messaging print out mailed to me, and I have been known to hide a voice activated recorder in his truck .... Just buying my time ! Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 That's what everyone (including my husband) keeps telling me about his little text message affair. They send over a thousand text messages in 3 short weeks, she sent nude photos of herself to him and they talked dirty but I guess I shouldn't be that upset. He even admitted there was a point (when we were having big troubles) where given the opportunity he would have slept with her. It's over now at least on his end and he keeps telling me he didn't do anything wrong because he didn't touch her. I mean he knows he shouldn't have done what he did but someone the lack of sex is suppose to make me feel better. But I'm still so upset, I want to call her and tell her exactly what I think of her little game but I know I have to be an adult (as much as I don't want to) and just move on. Does it get easier????? Until your husband accepts that he crossed the line and gets to the bottom of why he did what he did, then I don't think it will get easier. He's already admitted that he would have had sex if he had the opportunity. So no wonder this is tearing you up inside. You're probably wondering if it'll happen again and what could happen. How does he feel about getting some counselling to find out why? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 It doesn't matter how he feels about counseling to find out why... The OP needs to make marriage counseling a REQUIREMENT of her conditions to continue the marriage. PERIOD. This needs to be a hard boundary. As does NC (for life) with the woman he was carrying on this affair with. This was an affair...an emotional affair. Take a look at the book "Not Just Friends"...that can help you show him how what he did fits in to that category. Don't let your H dictate the terms of your recovery...he lost that right when he crossed the line and clearly made his wants a priority over your marriage and your needs. Don't be afraid to fight for what you know is the right thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
jj2007 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 That's what everyone (including my husband) keeps telling me about his little text message affair. They send over a thousand text messages in 3 short weeks, she sent nude photos of herself to him and they talked dirty but I guess I shouldn't be that upset. He even admitted there was a point (when we were having big troubles) where given the opportunity he would have slept with her. It's over now at least on his end and he keeps telling me he didn't do anything wrong because he didn't touch her. I mean he knows he shouldn't have done what he did but someone the lack of sex is suppose to make me feel better. But I'm still so upset, I want to call her and tell her exactly what I think of her little game but I know I have to be an adult (as much as I don't want to) and just move on. Does it get easier????? Hugs. I know what you are going through and to be honest, it will probably get harder before it gets easier. He did do something wrong and until he can admit it and own up to it things are going to be tough. Have you suggested counseling? You two need to get to the bottom of this or it could happen again but next time it could get physical. Link to post Share on other sites
Author k619 Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 Thank you for your responses I know there has been no physical contact, he only saw her 3 times in person and one of those times was with me (the other two were at work). Other then that I made sure I knew where he was at all times. He insisted for sooo long that they were just friends but wouldn't let me near his cell phone. We are going to conseling, I met with the thearapist last week and have to wait for them to call this week. I hate that it is taking so long (in my eyes) but I guess I have no choice. He is very willing to go. I love him to death and right now he blames me for taking him for granted and I know I am not to blame but am hoping with the counseling he will be able to see that. I am not perfect and have taken a long hard look at myself and am hoping he will do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 I know there has been no physical contact, he only saw her 3 times in person and one of those times was with me (the other two were at work). Other then that I made sure I knew where he was at all times. He insisted for sooo long that they were just friends but wouldn't let me near his cell phone. While I doubt that you knew where he was every moment of every day, I hope what you've concluded is true. Just remember, the first lie you uncover is rarely the only lie. They tend to gather in bunches... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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