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My wife cheated and got pregnant


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Old 2nd August 2008, 5:14 PM   #1
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My wife cheated and got pregnant

Yesterday I was on my way to my second job and I got a phone call from my wife, she said not to delay coming home because we needed to talk. I knew that this wasn't a great thing. Anyways basically I was kind of a selfish husband in the beginning (we have been married less than a year) and I didn't help out a whole lot around the house....my wife finally broke down and told me I needed to change and so I started to change doing a lot of things around the house and well basically all of the chores... my wife has been feeling really down and depressed (just the way she is and also because she recently lost her job that she had for 5 years) and wanted to have some friends so she had been hanging out a couple guys (one of whom she had dated and had sex with before) and then a few girls. I told her this was a bad idea and that I didn't really feel comfortable with her hanging out with her ex...she reassured me that she would never cheat on me and that she just wanted friends...needless to say my wife can't go anywhere without drinking and these "friends" all drink a lot too....anyways back to last night I get home and sit down on the couch next to my wife and she tells me that she cheated on me one time with this guy and she is now pregnant. She says there is a slim chance that it could still be mine since we did have sex during that same time...unfortunately I know deep down it's the other guys....We both know that she's not going to have an abortion because we don't really believe in that and she could never live with herself if she killed a kid like that....needless to say I am in utter shock, embarrasment, hurt, sad, and just about anything else that you could imagine....I don't know how she could lay down with another man like that and without a condom even....and I know she probably kissed him/made out, hugged him, and god knows what else....I can hardly even look at her right now and I know it will be a very long time before I can kiss or do anything with her of the sexual nature...I am so lost and confused that I really don't know what to do right now.....we also have a 2 & a half year old daughter that she had when she was like 18 from yet another guy, but I started dating my wife when her daughter was like 8 or 9 months old so that lil girl is mine, but I just can't imagine being able to raise 2 kids that aren't even mine...this is so freaking unbelieveable I don't know where I'm at...On top of that I'm afraid that this kid will look nothing like me and so then everyone will find out it's not mine...Even more this othe guy comes from a family where tripletts are very common so needless to say she could end up having 4 kids that aren't even from me her husband. This whole thing is just so devastating to me.
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Old 2nd August 2008, 5:29 PM   #2
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I am sooo sorry for you. I don't even know how you can look her in the face after this. You may need to take some time away from this marriage to decide if it is even worth staying. If this baby isn't yours you know that you will always have deep resentment towards her. If you stay or leave, just try to be civil towards her for the sake of this pregnancy(it may be yours). If you were having sex with her around the time of conception then chances are 50/50.
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Old 2nd August 2008, 5:30 PM   #3
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You have been married less than a year and she can't keep her legs shut? Dude there is absolutely no hope for this marriage. Not only did she cheat on you but she put you at risk for STD's by having unprotected sex. That is unforgiveable. If I were you I'd get tested.

Nothing you did justifies her behavior. Don't allow her to guilt you into accepting the responsibility of this. The only mistake you made was marrying this awful woman.

This is why you don't date/marry women who keep their exes (or guys they've slept with) as friends. You should have told her that it was unacceptable for her to see her exe even as a friend and if she didn't stop the marriage was over.

I suggest divorcing her now before you end up knocking her up yourself and being stuck with this woman as the mother of your child. If she can't stay faithful for a year how in the hell is she going to stay faithful for 5, 10, or 20 years? So the marriage isn't perfect and she goes running for someone else. You will be worrying about her cheating on you for the rest of your life. Do you want to deal with that agony?

If you do make the huge mistake of staying with her you need to insist on marriage counselling. You need to insist that she can't drink unless you're present. And lastly you need to insist that she cut off all contact with her exe and any other guys she has slept with in the past. If you don't insist on that you may as well cut your own heart out because it will be just a matter of time before she does it for ya.
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Old 2nd August 2008, 5:35 PM   #4
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I had a husband who cheated on me and I remember thinking that if the OW got pregnant, I would leave for sure. I ended up leaving him eventually anyway, but getting someone else pregnant would have been a total deal-breaker. I am so sorry you're going through this and I know it hurts like crazy. But will you ever be able to get past this?
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Old 2nd August 2008, 5:38 PM   #5
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yeah she has brought up counseling already....I agreed to go but also suggested that she takes counseling for herslef as well.....

and part of the reason that I am staying with her is the fact that there's a 50/50 shot at it being mine...and I told her that there will be need for a paternity test asap
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Old 2nd August 2008, 5:41 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by makinitmine View Post
yeah she has brought up counseling already....I agreed to go but also suggested that she takes counseling for herslef as well.....

and part of the reason that I am staying with her is the fact that there's a 50/50 shot at it being mine...and I told her that there will be need for a paternity test asap
I think there are now paternity tests that can be taken as early as the 4th month of pregnancy. It may be expensive, but it will give you peace of mind.
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Old 2nd August 2008, 5:43 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by makinitmine View Post
yeah she has brought up counseling already....I agreed to go but also suggested that she takes counseling for herslef as well.....

and part of the reason that I am staying with her is the fact that there's a 50/50 shot at it being mine...and I told her that there will be need for a paternity test asap
Oh, wow, that does make a difference. Kinda takes the joy out of having a baby when you have to think about this, doesn't it? I'm so sorry. I hope it all works out for you.
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Old 2nd August 2008, 5:44 PM   #8
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I am so sorry for you but I agree totally with Sal Paradise. What you need to do is:
1. See a lawyer immediately about your options and see about a possible annulment.
2. You are in your honeymoon period and it has not been even a year and she screws another guy behind your back.
3. She did not even have common courtesty to use protection and put you at risk for STD's. You now need to get tested.
4. She is now most likely pregnant with this OM's baby. I would also question whether it was one time by the way.

The bottom line is that she has played you for a total fool hanging out with other men and put your health at risk for STD's. She now expects you to pay to bring up this child or twins. I think you would have to be absolutely out of your mind to stay with her. She has absolutely humiliated and desecrated your marriage within one you. Please see a lawyer and do not allow her to destroy your life. What a complete selfish human being she is. Clearly she has no respect for you and considers you an absolute fool. Cut your losses now!
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Old 2nd August 2008, 5:48 PM   #9
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Even if by some strange chance the paternity is yours; why in the hell with you wish to stay with a woman who hangs out with other man, likes to drink and has unprotected sex with another man behind your back all within the first year of marriage? Why would you need counseling for this? I would counsel you to see a lawyer now to understand all of your options. You made a horrible choice for a wife. How can you not see this?
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Old 2nd August 2008, 7:22 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by makinitmine View Post
yeah she has brought up counseling already....I agreed to go but also suggested that she takes counseling for herslef as well.....

and part of the reason that I am staying with her is the fact that there's a 50/50 shot at it being mine...and I told her that there will be need for a paternity test asap
I find myself in agreement with Sal.... if she can't stay faithful for even the first year of marriage, she's not capable of staying faithful.

See an attorney. You don't want to end up as the de facto father of yet another man's child. Theoretically, you could end up paying child support for the next 18 years plus college.

There are times when love just isn't enough. And unfortunately, this looks like one of those times.
You've said you're concerned at the possibility that this child might be yours. But that doesn't mean you can't separate until she's able to prove it is. (You know, someday you might want to have some kids of your own. It would be too bad if you couldn't afford to support them because you're so busy supporting other people's.)

Seriously... see an attorney at your earliest opportunity. Protect yourself. Protect your future.
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Old 2nd August 2008, 9:10 PM   #11
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got it made

Your wife has got it made. She has a man that works 2 jobs to support her and her kid, he does all the chores, and he does not not throw her ass out on the street when he finds out that she does not have one faithful, loyal or loving bone in her body. Call and OB and ask how old the fetus must be before you get the DNA, get real and get her out of there. Even if it is your baby the next one probably wont be.
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Old 2nd August 2008, 9:20 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Bryanp View Post
I am so sorry for you but I agree totally with Sal Paradise. What you need to do is:
1. See a lawyer immediately about your options and see about a possible annulment.
2. You are in your honeymoon period and it has not been even a year and she screws another guy behind your back.
3. She did not even have common courtesty to use protection and put you at risk for STD's. You now need to get tested.
4. She is now most likely pregnant with this OM's baby. I would also question whether it was one time by the way.

The bottom line is that she has played you for a total fool hanging out with other men and put your health at risk for STD's. She now expects you to pay to bring up this child or twins. I think you would have to be absolutely out of your mind to stay with her. She has absolutely humiliated and desecrated your marriage within one you. Please see a lawyer and do not allow her to destroy your life. What a complete selfish human being she is. Clearly she has no respect for you and considers you an absolute fool. Cut your losses now!
This post deserves a repeat.




Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladyjane14 View Post
I find myself in agreement with Sal.... if she can't stay faithful for even the first year of marriage, she's not capable of staying faithful.

See an attorney. You don't want to end up as the de facto father of yet another man's child. Theoretically, you could end up paying child support for the next 18 years plus college.

There are times when love just isn't enough. And unfortunately, this looks like one of those times.
You've said you're concerned at the possibility that this child might be yours. But that doesn't mean you can't separate until she's able to prove it is. (You know, someday you might want to have some kids of your own. It would be too bad if you couldn't afford to support them because you're so busy supporting other people's.)

Seriously... see an attorney at your earliest opportunity. Protect yourself. Protect your future.
Well-stated LadyJane.



Reading this website, Citizens Against Paternity Fraud, may open your eyes a bit to the possible horrors you face.
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Old 2nd August 2008, 9:34 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by GPFan View Post
Reading this website, Citizens Against Paternity Fraud, may open your eyes a bit to the possible horrors you face.
Wow. Scary stuff.

It's just so hard to believe that such BLATANT examples of fraud go, not only unpunished, but REWARDED.

I think I read somewhere that in alot of states, a child born into the marriage is declared the husband's de facto child... DNA not withstanding. It might be a good idea to sue for adultery and get divorced BEFORE the birth. He really should talk it all out with a lawyer.
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Old 2nd August 2008, 9:48 PM   #14
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Yeah what everyone else said. check out the paternity fraud website. There are many states that stipulate if you can prove you are not the father up to two years after the child is born you can be off the hook for child support. but father's rights are still lagging behind.

AND by the way the tendency to have twins or even triplets does not come from the father but the mothers side. So that isn't much help in that there is at least one child coming who shouldn't be.

You can do prenatal DNA to determine if the child is yours but it has risks.

  • Injury to mother or fetus from the needle. There is the potential for placental puncture but this usually heals without further concern.
  • Since the procedure allows bacteria into the amniotic sac, it's possible to develop an infection however this is rare.
  • There is a slight risk of the mother's blood being exposed to the fetus's blood. This is only problematic if the mother's is rhesus-negative and the baby's is rhesus-positive.
  • Amniocentesis carries a risk of producing clubfoot in the baby, however the potential for this to occur is higher if the procedure takes place before the fifteenth week of pregnancy.
This may be something you feel you need to look into if waiting the 9 months is just too long.

Last edited by syz; 2nd August 2008 at 9:59 PM..
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Old 2nd August 2008, 11:45 PM   #15
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Lord almighty, I feel my temperature rising.

And what is she saying now?
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