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renewing vows after affair


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Old 14th July 2008, 1:10 AM   #1
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renewing vows after affair

It can be depressing finding yourself on any side of an affair. I wanted to share some good news to hopefully lighten the common tone. It has been almost two years since I had my month long physical affair. It has been a lot of hard work forgiving and moving on after. I am at least thankful that my affair didn't get too emotional. It was starting to a little for OW and I am an insufferable nice guy. Stupidly nice to let my ego hurt those I love.

Anywho, with the help of our pastor and some good marriage conferences. My wife and I got engaged again. We are planning to get married again in June. We have been close and learned a lot about communicating. Read "5 langauges of Love" and "His Needs and Her Needs" for anyone trying to stick together despite their own affair ordeals. I hope anyone can work it after. Marriages are under attack all the time and it is hard to protect.

Thank God for second chances! I love my wife!
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Old 14th July 2008, 1:25 AM   #2
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If wedding vows didn't prevent it the first time, whats to say doing them again is going to do any good?
and did you stop the affair only after you got caught?!?! what was lacking in your marriage to start a MONTH long one in the first place?
if you really loved someone, you wouldn't do such a thing, not for a whole month!
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Old 14th July 2008, 9:26 AM   #3
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There's a difference between DID something, and DOING something.

Clearly the OP here realizes the mistake he made...he's no longer DOING it.

So there's no point in beating him up about it either. Bash the person who DIDN'T learn from their mistakes.

Good book recommendations, btw.
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Old 14th July 2008, 10:02 AM   #4
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I wish you luck. I have never understood the point of renewing marriage vows. Clearly the person had no problems breaking the vows the first time so why would renewing the vows have any credibility now? It is like a person who breaks a contract and then later wants to sign another contract again with the same person. What is the point?
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Old 14th July 2008, 10:32 AM   #5
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Well, I get where the OP is coming from.

My wife and I have discussed renewing our vows as well.

Partially to signify the "NEW" marriage we seem to have found after the devestation our old one went through.

I don't see anything wrong with renewing vows...depending on what the intent is.

I'd agree...if they didn't mean much to one party the first time, they might not mean much the second time either. But they're not designed with teeth in them...there's nothing that says "forsake all others...OR ELSE...".

So there's no more teeth in them the second time than the first either...nor should we expect them to.

The bottom line is this...if its a reaffirmation of where your marriage is at NOW....go for it.
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Old 14th July 2008, 10:39 AM   #6
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I would think renewing the vows of a marriage after an affair would be a bitter sweet feeling for the person who was betrayed by the other..

A person would have to be an awfully forgetful and forgiving person to not think " you broke those vows once..so what makes these vows any different ?"

It seems to me that renewing the vows might mean more for the person who cheated..
they are actually the one renewing the vows seeing that the vows were never broken by the betrayed.

I'm all for reconciling a marriage and even the symbolism that renewing the vows means.. I'm just saying that it has to be bitter sweet for the betrayed.
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Old 14th July 2008, 10:41 AM   #7
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I don't see anything wrong w/ it as long as you mean it this time. As for me, would I want to renew my vows w/ my WH? No, I don't honestly think so. He broke the vows he made the first time, he might the second time. I don't know, maybe that is a bad attitude to have but I still am having a hard time trusting him 100% like I did b4 his A so what would be the point of renewing the vows?

crimson, I think you really do regret what you did to your W by having the A. I just hope temptation doesn't drive you away from her again.
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Old 14th July 2008, 11:11 AM   #8
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it's a sweet idea in general, but throw an affair into the mix and it makes me wonder if it's not a ploy meant to convince the betrayed spouse of a relationship they're questioning, even if the one in the affair is sincere about making a serious go of things.

it's a tough call, to say the least; however, if both of you are on the same page, it can bode well for the future of your marriage
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