LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships > Infidelity

Wife goes out with coworker to gym, etc.


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12th June 2008, 1:20 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Montana
Posts: 3
Angry Wife goes out with coworker to gym, etc.

My wife and I are in our early thirties. I got a new job that requires me to travel occasionally. In the past, my wife told me that she was going to lunch and the gym with a male coworker. I told her that I didn't approve of it, and asked her to break this off. I met the other guy at some of her company parties. He is one of the better looking men at her work. He works out, and my wife also likes to work out. He is what most girls would call "the hunk" or a ladies man. He has slept around with another coworker. From what I have read about cheating, my wife probably considers him "an upgrade". I have not been working out and have just recently started a new low-carb diet to try and lose weight. I have gained considerable weight since we were married, and my wife always reminds me of it.

I recently heard from some people at her workplace, that she is still messing around with this guy. My informers told me that she has been going to the gym and to lunch with this guy almost every day. My informers told me that both my wife and the guy wasn't at work for a couple of days. This was during a time I was traveling. They believe the relationship has become sexual in nature.

My wife doesn't know that I was told this information. I don't know how to proceed. I would really like first-hand evidence, before I confront her. I wish I could go to her work during lunch, but my travel schedule really doesn't allow me much time. Should I hire a PI or get some tracking device to put on our vehicles?

Last edited by BobbyV; 12th June 2008 at 1:32 AM..
BobbyV is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2008, 10:23 AM   #2
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 235
I would check it out. There seems to be a lot of questionable evidence that suggests that you need to look into it further.
soda is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2008, 10:26 AM   #3
Established Member
 
tinktronik's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Sesame Street
Posts: 5,806
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobbyV View Post
My wife and I are in our early thirties. I got a new job that requires me to travel occasionally. In the past, my wife told me that she was going to lunch and the gym with a male coworker. I told her that I didn't approve of it, and asked her to break this off. I met the other guy at some of her company parties. He is one of the better looking men at her work. He works out, and my wife also likes to work out. He is what most girls would call "the hunk" or a ladies man. He has slept around with another coworker. From what I have read about cheating, my wife probably considers him "an upgrade". I have not been working out and have just recently started a new low-carb diet to try and lose weight. I have gained considerable weight since we were married, and my wife always reminds me of it.

I recently heard from some people at her workplace, that she is still messing around with this guy. My informers told me that she has been going to the gym and to lunch with this guy almost every day. My informers told me that both my wife and the guy wasn't at work for a couple of days. This was during a time I was traveling. They believe the relationship has become sexual in nature.

My wife doesn't know that I was told this information. I don't know how to proceed. I would really like first-hand evidence, before I confront her. I wish I could go to her work during lunch, but my travel schedule really doesn't allow me much time. Should I hire a PI or get some tracking device to put on our vehicles?
Hire a PI. Sounds like you are in for some bad news. Sorry.
__________________
it's easy to feel beaten down by logic. -Quankanne
tinktronik is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2008, 11:45 AM   #4
Owl
Established Member
 
Owl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 11,488
Show up at the gym unannounced. It might be worth saving your marriage to take a little time off of work and look into things...without her knowing you're off, of course.

Put a voice activated digital recorder in her car.

Put a GPS device in her car.

Get her cell phone records and take a look at the volume of communication between her and this guy.

Put a keylogger on the home computer (if she uses it at all) and get her email information...and see if they've been communicating that way.

Take a look at her credit card usage...see if it adds up for one, or for two for lunches and gym visits.

Ask a friend that she doesn't know to show up at their gym and try a 'free lesson' so that he can see what her and OM are up to.

There is a lot you can do to try to get to the bottom of this. Confronting her when you don't have "proof" is useless. Worse than useless, because she'll suspect you're on to them and take better steps to cover her tracks and/or spin damage control to make you look like an idiot.
__________________
"Do, or do not. There is no try." -Yoda
Owl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2008, 12:02 PM   #5
Established Member
 
ThumbingMyWay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: wisco
Posts: 1,453
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobbyV View Post
My informers told me that both my wife and the guy wasn't at work for a couple of days. This was during a time I was traveling.
given this info, this is what I would do.


I would request some time off, 3 days. Family emergency, whatever, make it urgent to your employer.

Tell your wife you are traveling for those 3 days. But dont do it last minute. Given her a weeks notice so she has time to plan her escapades while you are out.

But instead of traveling away, stay at a trusted friends house or hotel in your town. Use a friends car or rent a car and follow and track her wearabouts. Or see if a friend can follow her around.



Sorry to say this, but my gut tells me something is up. Lunch everyday with the Hunk at work. Knowing he has had affairs with at least one other lady at work. I doubt your wife is his second.


My wife too was/still is very attractive. She also had an affair wiht her boss. her boss was the "ladies" man too. ALL the women fawned over him. He just had alot of game...whatever.

Anyway, it stated just like yours. Chit chat at work. Meet for lunch one day. Meet for drinks wiht other coworkers and him. Then it was lunch 2 times....3 times....a week.

So....emotional affair was first. Lunches, drinks, getting to know eachother. Then it moved to physical affair.....it was a progression.


Sorry to say it, but I think she is up to something.

Classic story. Married awhile. Husband gains weight, wife stays fit. Husband travels alot, wife needs attention. Wife gets attention from hot guy at work. She decides to spend time with him here and there. Then more time....then tempation arises.....then affair.

I wish you luck
__________________
theres 3 sides to every story: yours, thiers and the truth
ThumbingMyWay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2008, 1:06 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,722
Unfortunately it seems pretty obvious what is going on. She has been disrespecting you in the worst possible way. You need to be tested for STD's since this OM is a player.

I would consider talking to an attorney to understand your options. The way you describe it I am afraid it was pretty clear what has been going on. The question is what do you wish to do about it? If you have not been married long and have no children then you probably should think about moving on. Nevertheless an attorney will tell you about your various options. You deserve better than this.
Bryanp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2008, 1:23 PM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 7,297
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobbyV View Post
My wife doesn't know that I was told this information. I don't know how to proceed. I would really like first-hand evidence, before I confront her. I wish I could go to her work during lunch, but my travel schedule really doesn't allow me much time. Should I hire a PI or get some tracking device to put on our vehicles?
I've heard of recorders that can capture phone conversations if you tape them under the seat of the car.

However, in my opinion... if your that convinced she is cheating on you. Then tell her you know she is cheating on you... and that if she wants to make things work she has to come clean.

Personally... I'd rather be with a fat ugly woman who is faithful than a pretty one that doesn't value me.
Untouchable_Fire is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2008, 4:41 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: western pa.
Posts: 1,866
she's slaming you about your weight gain,and wondering if she's cheating w/ as you say, a hunk? buddy it's pretty much a sure thing she's bumping uglies w/ this guy.procede carefully,very carefully.see a lawyer, etc. get all your ducks in order first.nothing worse then sitting out in the cold or some strange hotel.
mark982 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th June 2008, 6:24 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 332
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobbyV View Post
My wife and I are in our early thirties. I got a new job that requires me to travel occasionally. In the past, my wife told me that she was going to lunch and the gym with a male coworker. I told her that I didn't approve of it, and asked her to break this off. I met the other guy at some of her company parties. He is one of the better looking men at her work. He works out, and my wife also likes to work out. He is what most girls would call "the hunk" or a ladies man. He has slept around with another coworker. From what I have read about cheating, my wife probably considers him "an upgrade". I have not been working out and have just recently started a new low-carb diet to try and lose weight. I have gained considerable weight since we were married, and my wife always reminds me of it.

I recently heard from some people at her workplace, that she is still messing around with this guy. My informers told me that she has been going to the gym and to lunch with this guy almost every day. My informers told me that both my wife and the guy wasn't at work for a couple of days. This was during a time I was traveling. They believe the relationship has become sexual in nature.

My wife doesn't know that I was told this information. I don't know how to proceed. I would really like first-hand evidence, before I confront her. I wish I could go to her work during lunch, but my travel schedule really doesn't allow me much time. Should I hire a PI or get some tracking device to put on our vehicles?
She's your wife. You have the right to confront her, even if it is nothing. She gave a vow and she must live by it or get a divorce. You should keep working out so she knows she blew it.
J2FT1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th June 2008, 12:15 PM   #10
Established Member
 
misternoname's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 249
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck...

I went through a very similar situation. She lied her ass off, denied everything but after a little detective work I finally discovered the truth.

What you described at the very least is an inappropiate relationship for a married woman to engae in. Odds are very good that your suspicions are right on the money. Do what it takes to discover the truth. Better to jump off the tracks before the train runs you over!
misternoname is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th June 2008, 12:28 PM   #11
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,675
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobbyV View Post
My wife and I are in our early thirties. I got a new job that requires me to travel occasionally. In the past, my wife told me that she was going to lunch and the gym with a male coworker. I told her that I didn't approve of it, and asked her to break this off. I met the other guy at some of her company parties. He is one of the better looking men at her work. He works out, and my wife also likes to work out. He is what most girls would call "the hunk" or a ladies man. He has slept around with another coworker. From what I have read about cheating, my wife probably considers him "an upgrade". I have not been working out and have just recently started a new low-carb diet to try and lose weight. I have gained considerable weight since we were married, and my wife always reminds me of it.

I recently heard from some people at her workplace, that she is still messing around with this guy. My informers told me that she has been going to the gym and to lunch with this guy almost every day.
That is totally unacceptable. If this isn't nipped in the bud, I'd nip the marriage in the bud.


Quote:
My informers told me that both my wife and the guy wasn't at work for a couple of days. This was during a time I was traveling. They believe the relationship has become sexual in nature.
I'd say they are correct.


Quote:
My wife doesn't know that I was told this information. I don't know how to proceed. I would really like first-hand evidence, before I confront her.
You don't need any. You tell her what you were told and watch her squirm. Her reaction will tell you everything.


Quote:
I wish I could go to her work during lunch, but my travel schedule really doesn't allow me much time. Should I hire a PI or get some tracking device to put on our vehicles?
I'd say yes, hire a PI in real life. You could use GPS to find out where her vehicle is. Find out where the other guy lives, see if her car is there at any time. Call her when you suspect she is somewhere she doesn't need to be and see if she lies about it.
twice_shy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th June 2008, 5:55 PM   #12
New Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Montana
Posts: 3
I am away again on a trip. I received a call today from a friend at her workplace, that she was not at work and asked off for a couple of days. Of course she didn't tell me!

My wife's coworker told me that the other guy was at work. But he parked his car around the corner of the building. The coworker said that my wife would park her car around the corner on some days, even though there are plenty of parking spaces out front. I suspect they do this, so as not to arouse suspicion. Not sure who they think they are hiding their relationship from?

I asked her coworkers to help me track their movements, but they don't want to get involved. They said my wife is too suspicious already of them, and know their cars well. They are afraid my wife may get them fired at work. I'll have to get a tracking device to put on her car.

When I'm at home, everything appears normal. She isn't acting any differently that I can tell. I just play along like nothing is happening. She must really think I am stupid and don't have a clue! It just frustrates and disgusts me knowing she is cheating with this loser!
BobbyV is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th June 2008, 6:06 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 50,510
Hire a PI and find out exactly what is going on. Her co-workers can only do so much, and it isn't fair of them to put their jobs on the line for you. I have to ask, how would your wife try to get them fired? Is she in a management position?

Anyway, you know she's up to no good so now is the time to find out exactly how far things have gone - Is it an emotional affair or is it a physical affair? Do they spend $ on eachother etc...Locations, where they go, what they do. If you can't afford a PI, then ask a trusted friend (not a co-worker) to help you follow her and keep track of her whereabout's.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th June 2008, 9:25 PM   #14
Established Member
 
misternoname's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 249
You can do a lot of detective work on your own. The computer can hold a wealth of evidence. I did a simple file search on ours. I found emails to the guy, a Facebook account I didn't know about, receipts for hotels and sexy lingerie and she synched her phone allowing me to read text messages. Everything I feared ws right there in front of me. The other tell tale sign is inher cell phone records. If possible, get them by resetting her password. PI is always an option but it will set you back a few bucks. You can also buy a GPS you hide in the car. Saw them at Sam's of all places. $80. When she returns you simply retrieve it and download it into your computer. Everywhere she went pops right up on a map.
misternoname is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 17th June 2008, 3:26 AM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 189
Hey you don't need a PI you don't need to do further investigating. There is a very simple way to find out for sure what's going on. If I were you do it today or this week at the least.


Call your wife when your sure she's home considering yesterday you said you found out shes taken a couple of days off then calling today or tomorrow is a must.
Start off talking about something casual then ask her how her day at work was. If she lies and say it was good bla bla (and presuming you can confirm she was not there again) reply with you know she was not at work. You know what's been going on (don't make it clear what keep her guessing it's good to see how a person reacts based on just what secret you could be referring to) and you just want some answers and whatever it is you can wortk through it (that part is actually bull****, unless you really do want to *wi-tish* )

Her reply here will be crucial if you can pull this off in a calm manner you will possibly get the truth or one hell of an excuse that should say it all.

Personally friend if possible I would of cut my trip short and got the first flight/coach to the bottom of this right away while I know she's off for these days and find out just whats going on she's clearly up to know good and the constant jabs at your appearance , her behavior at work and general shady attitude point to cheating.

I feel for you my friend I don't know about you personally but for me as a man to know if my woman was so emotionally interested in another man to be as much as clearly sneaking around with him after viewing my opinions on their "friendship" , openly flirting in public that is clearly crossing boundries to everyone else that would be it for me. If they were having sex that would just be the icing on the cake I would be however already of lost her long before the sex and would be filing for divorce.

Call her TODAY. Find out for sure TODAY.

Only one thing to add, has she made any efforts to involve you in getting to know him maybe something the three of you could do not work related for them? Offered to let you join them at the gym etc? Has he made the effort to acknowledge you, if he's spending quality time with your wife he should have the respect to introduce himself.

Best of Luck. I hope you can update us on the situation when you have time.
theobserver is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Coworker cherrysoda Business and Professional Relationships 5 22nd March 2008 8:01 AM
my wife does not think her married coworker hit on her... FeelingBetrayed Infidelity 6 8th November 2007 11:37 PM
My wife does not think her married coworker hit on her... FeelingBetrayed Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 22 8th November 2007 11:23 PM
Coworker.. OhioGuy82 Friends and Lovers 7 31st October 2005 9:42 PM
So, there's this coworker that I like... inquisitive In Search Of... 0 31st October 2005 1:58 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 2:52 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.