Elena62 Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 It's been a good few days since I contacted the OM/MM. I'm still NC and I'm not inclined to contact. But some things have happened with xH/H (we are legally separated). I called him today to discuss some matters related to home and family. We got into this real heavy conversation about how we still make eyes at each other and how all this is very screwed up. We haven't had a marriage for five years. Today he told me straight. "Deep down in your heart you're still in love with me and you know it. You're just a stubborn woman and you know that, too." Okay so I know I'm stubborn, and I don't mean any ordinary stubborn here. I have endurance with it! Then he added: "And now I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm still in love with you and will be forever." S@@T! And NOW I'm faced with all this. He wants to take me out on a date Saturday night. I've said yes because we have to sort through what's going on here and some familt matters, too. Have I got hopes? No, none what-so-ever. We are no longer legally married. I'm really cautious. I don't want to rebound. I'm fully aware that I'm in dire need of comfort because I was the biggest fool ever created in the human race. (Actually, I'm not, but it's a good description for now.) I have no idea HOW to approach this. I'm frigging scared. I don't want to have intimacy with him. I'm well aware men detect when women are at a low. I'm also curious! He also told me he loves me. I'm getting emotional thinking about it. He hasn't been that clear with me in YEARS! So I've decided. I'm going out on a date Saturday night. I'm also going to shut off my PC, and only answer to my family emails and see how I feel in one months time - when the dust has settled and I'm finally back into life. I had to write it somewhere, it's been driving me nuts all day long! Thanks for listening, and thanks to all the people that have responded to my other threads, I truly appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
the_dean Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Elena, It sounds like he wants to start over by asking you out on a date. You say you don't want to go but are. Since you are going, why not just see what he wants to talk about. If he is really taking you out on a "date" then I would think you guys should have heavy discussions about the family, etc. It sounds like to me he just wants to see if you two still love each other and wants to give it another chance. Good Luck! Dean Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 Just go with the flow and BE upfront and honest with your ex! Never know how things are going to go...I mean, it wouldn't be the oddest thing in the world if you two ended up back together. The marriage could be even stronger than before, and each of you could appreciate eachother more than before. Never say never.. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 Well I have no idea if this is completely different or not... I just think it's so sweet. Of course, I don't know the whole situation. Why did you guys break up in the first place? Is it fixable? Just because you've been separated for 5 years doesn't mean you can't get back together again... But it totally depends on the reasons why you split in the first place. Years after my divorce, I had to arrange a meeting with my ex to discuss our daughter. On the phone with him, before the meeting, I found myself becoming attracted to him all over again. For the same exact reasons why I fell for him in the first place. I thought I was losing it... But I was curious to see why, and looked forward to our meeting. Well, in that short half-hour with him, I understood everything - why I fell in love with him... and why we broke up. I went away from that meeting with a lot of peace and closure. I hope he did too. But he didn't express anything of the sort your ex is expressing - that he's in love with you and always will be. So it's really not fair to compare. Unless there is some compelling reason why you are absolutely sure you don't want to get back together with him again, I don't see anything wrong with keeping an open mind... and at least listening to what he has to say during your date. You never know. At the very least, you might receive some of the insight I did. Good luck, and may the Force be with you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elena62 Posted February 11, 2008 Author Share Posted February 11, 2008 Update: I wasn't going to check up on here for a while. I came back today to see if I got some feedback. Thanks to those that did Ex took me out on a date, we had deep discussions about the children. I realised on the spot why I fell in love with him all those years ago - and why we are not going to make it. Basically we spent the weekend together. no real intimacy. Just talking and sharing time with the children. He could have made it all easier like he did in the old days, by telling me he wanted to fight off the world and wrap his family and me away from view and keep us all together. Instead, he said he was confused. He's living with past issues between us and that stops him from moving forward. Basically, it's all over. I can expect the divorce papers and I'll no longer fight for him to come back. He's had enough chances and I've laid myself on the line too many times emotionally. So - that's the end of that. But secretly I did have hopes! I then went and did something radical. I had eight inches cut off from my hair! New woman, new life, new way forward. No more heartache for me! Hope you all have a lovely day! Link to post Share on other sites
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