cajunfirecracker Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 I found out about a month ago that my H has been having an EA with a woman he met online. There was much lying on his part plus he didn't tell me the complete truth at the time (he met her through an online game and was still talking to her after I found out). He has since cut off all contact with her although I have emailed her a couple of times to find out information. Still not satisfied because my H doesn't remember many of the details and the OW won't tell me much. My H has just been diagnosed with adult attention deficit disorder (ADD) and is severely depressed and suffering from intense anxiety as well. He tells me he had the EA with the OW because she made him feel good and less depressed and less anxious. I'll admit our marriage was faltering a bit at the time, but I didn't stray so why did he? Has anyone had a SO who cheated but had ADD, depression, or anxiety? My H is seeing doctor and on meds. Doctor says that ADD, depression, and anxiety could have made him more suscpetible to cheating.Any advice? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Well, I'd say that I could see how all of those diagnoses could have made him more likely to make a bad decision.... But I don't think I would allow them to excuse the behavior. Sounds like a "Devil made me do it" approach. I just don't buy that. Obviously, YMMV. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 There you go. I know that undiagnosed and untreated depression was a FACTOR in my wife's choice to have an online emotional affair... ...but it doesn't excuse it. Get him treated for these issues...but continue to seek marriage counseling to sort through 'affair proofing' your marriage going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I agree that depression can contribute to bad decisions. I think it's great he's on meds and seeing a doc. I do agree that you should be a part of the counselling process. Not only does that show that you are also capable of being a support system- but it might give you both better insight into the problem.... and give you both better tools with how to deal with it. It takes meds anywhere from 1-2 months to start to work well (if they are going to). So be ready to deal with alterations in dosages- the need to switch meds, etc. Not every Anti-depressant/anxiety med works well for every person across the board. I started off with Cipralex for Depression and Anxiety and the side effects were awful. I have now found a great combination of Wellbutrin and Clonozapam. It's worked wonders- I am a happier, less anxious person. I hope things work out for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I found out about a month ago that my H has been having an EA with a woman he met online. There was much lying on his part plus he didn't tell me the complete truth at the time (he met her through an online game and was still talking to her after I found out). He has since cut off all contact with her although I have emailed her a couple of times to find out information. Still not satisfied because my H doesn't remember many of the details and the OW won't tell me much. My H has just been diagnosed with adult attention deficit disorder (ADD) and is severely depressed and suffering from intense anxiety as well. He tells me he had the EA with the OW because she made him feel good and less depressed and less anxious. I'll admit our marriage was faltering a bit at the time, but I didn't stray so why did he? Has anyone had a SO who cheated but had ADD, depression, or anxiety? My H is seeing doctor and on meds. Doctor says that ADD, depression, and anxiety could have made him more suscpetible to cheating.Any advice? Thanks Lots of people have these problems and they don't cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I'll admit our marriage was faltering a bit at the time, but I didn't stray so why did he? You treat him differently than he treats you. Besides you are different people all together. So, it's not "well I didn't so why did he." It's he found affection from someone else and why? What about your marriage is leading one of you away from the other? These are the questions that need to be discussed. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 You treat him differently than he treats you. Besides you are different people all together. So, it's not "well I didn't so why did he." It's he found affection from someone else and why? What about your marriage is leading one of you away from the other? These are the questions that need to be discussed. Sometimes, it's not the fact that there's something wrong w/ the marriage...Sometimes it's just that someone makes a poor choice and uses poor judgement. Sometimes, cheaters are just plain selfish cake eaters. Link to post Share on other sites
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