FeelingBetrayed Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 My wife has been involved in an emotional affair with a married coworker for about 5 months. She does not think I should be upset with her, that she wants to continue their "friendship". I warned her several months ago to be wary of any guy who shows an inordinate effort at friendship, and that he may have other motives. She dismissed this because "he's a really nice guy", and she doesn't believe that he does. In spite of my warning, she revealed to me (after my prying it out of her) that one night after work he told her that they "needed to talk", and proceeded to tell her that he had feelings for her. He played it well, as he said things like "we can't do anything, we're both married", that if they were in a different place and time... etc. This to me, a 40 year old guy, was clearly him "Making a play" for her. I believe he said the things about not wanting to be more than friends to allow an out for himself should she react with shock or threaten to tell his wife. Unfortunately, my wife saw this as a "sweet thing to do", and to this day does not see it as an indication of alterior motives on his part. Needless to say, our marriage has become strained, she's upset with me for being upset with her lies and deceit, and still refuses to recognize what that initial "talk" was all about. She seems to have him on a pedastal and can't seem to break free though she says she wants to rebuild and restore our marriage. Can anyone help? I feel as if she could see him in another light, that what he did Was in fact a play, that her opinion of him might change, and make it easier to leave him behind for our sake. Is there any way he wasn't hitting on her? Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 Have you given her my message from your other thread? I'm curious what her reaction was if so. Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 You need to put a stop into it right now! He is slowly dragging her in and before you know it, he would kiss her and she would think that's a "sweet thing" and soon it will lead to sex. First thing, expose it to his wife and second, expose it to his and her supervisors and human resources. Is there a chance that they might lose their jobs? Maybe, but what's more valuable, their jobs or your marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 In spite of my warning, she revealed to me (after my prying it out of her) that one night after work he told her that they "needed to talk", and proceeded to tell her that he had feelings for her. Unfortunately, my wife saw this as a "sweet thing to do", and to this day does not see it as an indication of alterior motives on his part. So why does she think he told her about his feelings for her? What does she say was his purpose in doing that? I don't really understand what she thinks was sweet? Needless to say, our marriage has become strained, she's upset with me for being upset with her lies and deceit, What did she lie about? How did she deceive you? She seems to have him on a pedastal and can't seem to break free though she says she wants to rebuild and restore our marriage. Why does your marriage need rebuilding? I feel as if she could see him in another light, that what he did Was in fact a play, that her opinion of him might change, and make it easier to leave him behind for our sake. I think your problem is your wife needs to see HERSELF in another light - that she is not involved in a mere coworker friendship, but that she herself has crossed the lines into an emotional affair. You believe she has, but she doesn't admit to it or see that's what she's been doing, right? Because otherwise, I didn't see anything in your post about her behavior - just his. You assert she's been in an EA - does she realize that? Is there any way he wasn't hitting on her? Just one that I can think of - if your wife was making her feelings for him obvious and he was responding in an - hey, thanks, I do have feelings, but I'm married, in another life, another place, maybe...kind of a brush-off, you see? I'm sorry, I don't think I've been helpful, but I guess there's not enough information about what's been going on between them. My guess is she enjoys the attention, is flattered, and in her mind, doesn't see the harm. Men flirt all the time, and even declare feelings - if she has no interest or intention to do anything about them, to her it's harmless. But if she's deeply involved and just won't admit it, that's quite another thing altogether. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 My wife has been involved in an emotional affair with a married coworker for about 5 months. She does not think I should be upset with her, that she wants to continue their "friendship". I warned her several months ago to be wary of any guy who shows an inordinate effort at friendship, and that he may have other motives. She dismissed this because "he's a really nice guy", and she doesn't believe that he does. In spite of my warning, she revealed to me (after my prying it out of her) that one night after work he told her that they "needed to talk", and proceeded to tell her that he had feelings for her. He played it well, as he said things like "we can't do anything, we're both married", that if they were in a different place and time... etc. This to me, a 40 year old guy, was clearly him "Making a play" for her. I believe he said the things about not wanting to be more than friends to allow an out for himself should she react with shock or threaten to tell his wife. Unfortunately, my wife saw this as a "sweet thing to do", and to this day does not see it as an indication of alterior motives on his part. Needless to say, our marriage has become strained, she's upset with me for being upset with her lies and deceit, and still refuses to recognize what that initial "talk" was all about. She seems to have him on a pedastal and can't seem to break free though she says she wants to rebuild and restore our marriage. Can anyone help? I feel as if she could see him in another light, that what he did Was in fact a play, that her opinion of him might change, and make it easier to leave him behind for our sake. Is there any way he wasn't hitting on her? It's evident that she likes the attention hence her denying the obvious. I don't see her trying to seek attention from men as a good thing and it's treading in dangerous waters. Of course he was hitting on her. I think he was trying to gauge her reaction to the possibility as well and instead rejected the idea himself so he doesn't get rejected. But the fact that your wife allows his continual flattery is not appetizing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 OMG - are you married to this woman? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1398826&posted=1#post1398826 Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 Your post is confusing. Why do you say she's involved in an emotional affair? Did she tell you she's in love with this coworker? Why do you say she lied and deceived you? Apparently she told you the story about the coworker. Did she deny it at first, or what? What part of your marriage needs rebuilding? It sounds as if she merely fails to recognize the coworker's intent. Not that she engaged in any infidelity. Seems like there must be some information missing here. Link to post Share on other sites
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