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My Wife has cheated and is now pregnant


oxide32

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Hi all, im new to the site so excuse my newbie behaviour. Anyway here goes, i have been married to my wife for 4 years and been with her for 6, i brought 2 small children into her life when my first partner died at the age of 29, she is all they really knew as mom and we all lived quite happily until about 5 months ago, anyway she started hiding her mobile and i found she has registed on a dating website which she said was to catch a friends cheating hubby (hmmm), recently she was staying out very late and ignoring texts from me and calls (the excuse was she put it on silent cause work was always ringing).

i know i shouldnt have but i found texts from a guy called shaun asking if she could talk etc so my suspicions were raised.

anyway she recently went very cold and after about 3 or 5 weeks told me she wanted a divorce which i was hurt and heartbroken about.

i was also driving 2 days later when she phoned and told me she was pregnant (shock as our sex life was rubbish at this point).

anyway she kept denying that there was someone else but my daughter kept telling me how this other guy was always going places with her and mommy and his daughter, it all came to a head today when i finally got the answer i was looking for and she told me she had been seeing him for a while and that the baby was not mine.

i spent 4 years with fertility treatment with my wife and we have a twelve month old baby also, just seems like i have been blown out without a second thought after 6 years.

feeling such terrible pain and confusion at the minute.

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Wow, that's a kick in the gut, man. :(

 

What is it that you're wanting to do at this point? I think the natural inclination for alot of newly betrayed spouses is to "fix" the marriage. It's a bit of a knee-jerk reaction, particularly when you have kids involved.

 

My suggestion to you, if you haven't made a decision yet, is to let the dust settle. Maybe try to remain non-committal for a couple of weeks until you've had a chance to absorb it all.

 

For alot of people, an OC (other child) is a deal-breaker when it comes to reconciliation after an infidelity. But there ARE some people who do move forward with recovery. There are forums available for folks who are dealing with this specific issue, I know marriagebuilders has one and there are bound to be others. Perhaps it might help you to read some stories of how other people are handling it at various stages of the process. (????)

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thanks for the reply, thing is she is acting like nothing has happened and its all OK, she has used lie after lie to justify that what she has done is OK.

she also told me that he wont be living at our house because he has his own family (dont know if he's married or seperated etc), and she has been asking me to do jobs around the house and asking me to run about etc like nothing has changed. (until the now when the truth came out).

if he was "such a nice guy" like she said he is where is he when she needed that tele moving or that garden furniture putting up!

i don't know, right up till the last minute she didnt want to tell me the full truth, why im not sure, at least i know now but the thought of them together etc makes me feel so sick.

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...she also told me that he wont be living at our house because he has his own family...

 

Well, where are YOU living??? :confused:

Heck, man. Don't leave your home without talking to an attorney first.

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thanks for the reply, thing is she is acting like nothing has happened and its all OK, she has used lie after lie to justify that what she has done is OK.

she also told me that he wont be living at our house because he has his own family (dont know if he's married or seperated etc), and she has been asking me to do jobs around the house and asking me to run about etc like nothing has changed. (until the now when the truth came out).

if he was "such a nice guy" like she said he is where is he when she needed that tele moving or that garden furniture putting up!

i don't know, right up till the last minute she didnt want to tell me the full truth, why im not sure, at least i know now but the thought of them together etc makes me feel so sick.

 

Kick her out! She is dragging your kids around this guy! He could be some crazy molester guy!!! I'm telling you now... she doesnt have a right to do that. You need to take FAST action. Take the kids and give her the boot. Call the cops on her if you have to...

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I'm with LJ on getting the support and info you need in dealing with the many aspects of your situation.

 

Others have been there -they can be helpful, if you use the info wisely.

 

I'm also onbaord with LJ's suggestion that you need to let your "shock absorbers" do what they were made for -so stand back and let, as she says, "the dust settle".

 

I can imagine how your heart must be breaking and how your world must be swirling at this point.

 

Your first thought, of course, is how this will hurt your children (given the biological issue of the little ones you already had upon entering this present marriage) and just where -or whom- that will put them with, under the legal end of current child welfare views in regards to which parent any one of the children will wind up living with, if there's a divorce.

 

Question -and it's a hard one- is she keeping the child she's pregnant with?

 

What is the status of the person she's having the affair with? married? separated? divorced?

 

Also, I'm taking a bit of where Cobra and LJ is coming from in regards to the imperitiveness of learning where you stand in regards to who moves out of the marriage home -and who stays- and who stays with them, specifically, focusing on all the children.

 

Get in touch -fast- with a legal professional who can advise you as to your situation.

 

You don't have to tell her you're seeing a lawyer -but do see one- and listen well.

 

It's not just your life that's being ripped apart -it's the young and innocent, as well.

 

Do them justice.

 

-Rio

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i left the house and ended back at the old mans, i realise now i shouldn't have, people keep telling me to not worry cause where it happens once it can happen again and he's next in line.

mixed feelings at the moment of revenge or relief, very confused.

i know she is very protective of the kids, or is all that a lie to.

i think the real reason of it all is that she was playing around and got caught pregnant and panicked.(she thought she wouldnt get pregnant due to previous problems).

thing is she could have cheated with several guys and has duped him into it all aswell.(he could be the biggest wallet etc).

i know she still goes onto her dating website to check for messages so chances are she is still hunting even now.

i dont know :(

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Look, if the kids have been around this other guy then she is absolutely not protective. You dont need a lie detector to tell you this chick is full of it.

 

You got lucky and dodged a bullet... you could be raising someone elses baby and never know! Besides you dont want to waste a single drop of emotion on a girl like this. Bottom line! Keep her away from the kids for a while!

 

Just listen to me here because I was a kid like that once!!! Its a bad situation!

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She is seriously messed up and isn't thinking clearly at all. The drinking isn't helping either. Seems her last priority is you and the kids...

 

thing is she is acting like nothing has happened and its all OK, she has used lie after lie to justify that what she has done is OK.

 

Any normal thinking person would KNOW all that is wrong. Again, her thinking patterns are unhealthy and she's lying to herself, justifying her actions...

 

Talk to a lawyer, protect yourself and the kids. Encourage her to seek help, go to AA.

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I'm so sorry this happened to you. This website will give you a lot of support during these tough times.

 

I really would seek legal advice if I were you.

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i really appreciate all the comments, i know in everyones head that it is all wrong but it aint stopped her.

all i know is when we first met she was married to a guy b4 me and he was a mirror scenario as me, "his wife died leaving behind kids" and she cheated on him and then tried to steal his family, but he got the hell out and she tried to hide all the details and stuff from me.(wonder why).

she must have learned from the mistakes she made with him and swotted up over 6 years to take mine.

she even turned round and told me she had told people that by the time our youngest child was 12 months that she would have me outta the house.

bitch eh (excuse the language).

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i really appreciate all the comments, i know in everyones head that it is all wrong but it aint stopped her.

all i know is when we first met she was married to a guy b4 me and he was a mirror scenario as me, "his wife died leaving behind kids" and she cheated on him and then tried to steal his family, but he got the hell out and she tried to hide all the details and stuff from me.(wonder why).

she must have learned from the mistakes she made with him and swotted up over 6 years to take mine.

she even turned round and told me she had told people that by the time our youngest child was 12 months that she would have me outta the house.

bitch eh (excuse the language).

 

Dude, that sounds TWISTED. Make sure you get some legal.

 

Per your other post... Good mothers don't bring the kiddies when they go on dates with their adultery partners. :eek:

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thanks ladyjane, she even had the kids liking him, my daughter said he is a nice guy, (whats the saying "sweeten the kids to catch the mom").

i just think its really sick that my daughter walked in on em in "our" bedroom. (my 12 month old son is in the cot 1 foot away).

she denied this and said he was just sitting on the bed.

well guys will be seeing someone on tuesday, all i can say is i aint the first and wont be the last i guess.

but when i had everything to work hard and live for all this happened and im back to stage zero after 6 long years.

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thanks ladyjane, i really appreciate all the advice, at the moment i feel so damn lonely and cheated its all hard to deal with.

guess other people have been in worse situations eh

just dont feel that way.

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i really appreciate all the comments, i know in everyones head that it is all wrong but it aint stopped her.

all i know is when we first met she was married to a guy b4 me and he was a mirror scenario as me, "his wife died leaving behind kids" and she cheated on him and then tried to steal his family, but he got the hell out and she tried to hide all the details and stuff from me.(wonder why).

she must have learned from the mistakes she made with him and swotted up over 6 years to take mine.

she even turned round and told me she had told people that by the time our youngest child was 12 months that she would have me outta the house.

bitch eh (excuse the language).

 

 

Contact a lawyer, get DNA testing, get HER out of the house! Are your children staying at the house with her? If so, go right back there right now and BOOT her :lmao: out of that house, because it's evident that she planned all of this! Make her get outta the house!:eek:

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thanks ladyjane, she even had the kids liking him, my daughter said he is a nice guy, (whats the saying "sweeten the kids to catch the mom").

i just think its really sick that my daughter walked in on em in "our" bedroom. (my 12 month old son is in the cot 1 foot away).

she denied this and said he was just sitting on the bed.

well guys will be seeing someone on tuesday, all i can say is i aint the first and wont be the last i guess.

but when i had everything to work hard and live for all this happened and im back to stage zero after 6 long years.

 

 

That's disgusting! Boot her :lmao: out NOW!!!!!:sick: Inform your lawyer about this, this is very harmful actions that should be dealt legally. I don't know if this qualifies as child abuse on some level, but check it out!

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VirtualInsanity

That sucks Oxide32 :( & to make it worse she's pregnant.

 

I'm in agreement that she should've been booted. Now he can come by whenever he wants, stay over, whatever w/out them worrying you'll walk in. Now your the outcast instead of her.

 

I know you feel alone & feel like everythings been sucked out but is there any chance of you talking to someone? I'd see a lawyer like other's suggested & a counsellor.

 

she also told me that he wont be living at our house because he has his own family

 

Probably married or w/ a long-term gf.

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been speaking to her today, (shouting mostly which i felt better for), she said she was drunk and it was a mistake (dont know dont care), turns out he is going through a divorce because his wife was cheating on him and couldn't forgive her (bet she didnt get pregnant). now the best part is he enduced my wife into cheating on me which is the exact same thing he couldnt forgive his wife for.:D putting me into his exact situation. (OMG).

sorry for laughing but i just for a second saw the funny side.

now the serious side about it all is even after all this i still love her so much and i told her so. i really believe that she panicked and thought in her mind that she lost me so she clung onto him (who only sees her when he can a couple of times a week LOL).

she said she considered an abortion but i told her that it was not the babys fault he aint done a damn thing wrong. do you all think that even after all this that i am mad for even thinking this way or is it because i love her so much.

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Chrome Barracuda

You need to stop all that love crap and fight. She's gonna screw you over and make you pay child support for this bastard child. Let me ask you if these two kids are not biologically hers then what is she doing with them?

 

Remove them and your belongings from the house asap. and get a lwyers orders to do so! matter of fact find out who's name is on the place and lay claim to it.

 

Second expose to everyone that your wife is pregnant with someone elses baby. That'll put pressure on her to end this affair. and then find the OM's wife or girlfriend and expose to them too!

 

Why should you be the only one made to carry the burden of the truth. Her actions is downright toxic to your children. Dont have them grown up and following in her F-ed footsteps!

 

Please do what's best for the children! Rescue them they need you right now. She aint their mother! or your not their father??? I'm still confused on that issue!

 

I feel sick for you, stuff like this pisses me off to no end.

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do you all think that even after all this that i am mad for even thinking this way or is it because i love her so much.

 

No. But I do think it's the "knee-jerk" reaction I told you about earlier. You've had a shock. You need time to absorb it.

 

Try and hold off on major decisions for a couple of weeks. To be honest, I think there's too much yet to consider for you to commit to a decision on what to do about the marriage.

 

"She was drunk and it was a mistake"... doesn't account for why she (along with your kids) were hanging out with this guy behind your back. :rolleyes:

And I don't think it's hit you yet that she could have just as easily brought you AIDS instead of some other man's "oven bun". Even though you were pissed off initially, that's not the end of "pissed off". Anger is a major issue for betrayed spouses and it's "triggered" frequently. You're not out of the woods just because you've recognized some softer feelings.

 

Take your time sorting though your emotions. Don't let her rush you. ;)

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When she's at work, pack her clothes, put them on the porch, change the locks to the house, then call her and tell her to come get her things. Also, clean out your bank accounts, withdraw all your money, then close the accounts. Find a good divorce attorney, have seperation papers drawn up, then have them served on her. Preferably when she comes over to get her things. She's a horrible wife and worse as a mother. You deserve much better and I'm confident you will find it. I know you're hurting like hell right now, but this is war and she started it. Fight to win, for the sack of your kids and your sanity.

God Bless,

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thanks for all the advice all, taking valuable notes. found out today off her that the other man is divorcing his wife like i said in an earlier post, and hes a lot older than her (age is not important), she also told me that they shared a mortage on the house which is gonna have to be sold and money split 2 ways between her and him, i think im seeing the big picture here with all this cause my wife was always mad about money and when i got with her when my first wife died i had lots of life insurance and pensions being paid to me, which i slowly allowed her to justify on things like "needed holidays etc etc" cause i didnt see anything wrong in this at the time.

i do really believe that she is working her way through men slowly,using them and dropping them after no fixed amount of time, i do know that she had ran from different parts of the country for various cooked up stories which i think now is probably due to debt collectors chasing her.

she seems to be hooking into men when they are at there weakest, with me it was when my wife died like her first husband, and with him it is was the divorce etc that is weakening him.

she gives a shoulder to cry on creates a bond between them both and then slowly works her magic.

the whole situation sickens me and i feel so used and such a fool.

that other guy wouldn't listen to me if i tried to tell him cause he would naturally think im just being envious.

he is next in line for following his heart i guess and he's in for one hell of a ride, (excuse the pun) one which i cant imagine hes gonna enjoy one bit.

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just one other question, i have this guys mobile number, is there anyway i can find his address from it, im in the uk.

she seems to be being so protective of him and i still aint seen any sign of him, and she is terrified i will contact him and said if i do she will take out an injunction against me, wonder what shes hiding.

tried most sites but no luck.

oh and dont worry guys i aint gonna chop his head off i just wanna put one higher card in my deck.

:D

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just one other question, i have this guys mobile number, is there anyway i can find his address from it, im in the uk.

she seems to be being so protective of him and i still aint seen any sign of him, and she is terrified i will contact him and said if i do she will take out an injunction against me, wonder what shes hiding.

tried most sites but no luck.

oh and dont worry guys i aint gonna chop his head off i just wanna put one higher card in my deck.

:D

 

 

She can't do crap against you, don't let her bullcrap you at all! Contact the mobile suppliers, they would have that info on file, but, I would have your lawyer do that, they know how to get stuff like that. By the way, get the baby DNA tested, incase the baby's not yours, somehow........

 

Your apparent wife, if that's what you want to call her:sick:, sounds like she's running scared, hmmmm, I would contact the police, (or whatever you call them over there, not sure)and find out if there are any outstanding warrants for her arrest, well, not paying your bills could be considered a crime, I would think more so in the UK. Just be sure that you don't get burned by her actions, OK? Talk to you lawyer about all of this stuff! We're here for ya!:cool:

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Hire a PI. If you can't afford it, borrow the money from a trusted friend or family member. AND, talk to your lawyer, as Darth says.

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