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Cheating & Mental Illness.


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

 
 
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Old 26th July 2007, 9:28 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by bish View Post
A f#*ckin' men!!!!
This isn't always true. I was deeply hurt by my bf of 2 1/2 yrs cheating on me. So you can be in a "relationship" with someone and be hurt by their cheating
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Old 26th July 2007, 9:33 AM   #32
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To add to my post above, since this thread is about mental illness and cheating - I do believe that someone who cheats whether in a committed relationship or marriage has some type of mental illness. My bf and me had a good relationship so I've often went over and over in my mind how he could "consciously" cheat. I still have no answers and never will as I can't logically rationalize how a person who claims to love another would do such a thing. I do think Ard hit on something with the whole mental illness aspect - I know in my case - he's not right in the head!
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Old 26th July 2007, 10:09 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by quankanne View Post
good old-fashioned adultery is not about mental illness, but about consciously deciding to indulge in a relationship outside the marriage, whether it's for love, lust, attraction, vanity, power, whatever, because one person feels he or she is not getting "something" from his/her partner.
Best explanation of the bunch--by far.
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Old 26th July 2007, 10:22 AM   #34
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Yep, I agree with Herzen about the explanation. The "something" almost doesn't matter. But the situation is crazymaking because it is just loaded with lies from beginning to end, and you don't know what to believe and what not to believe, and this person you thought you knew becomes a completely different person. It's so hard to take that its easier and simpler to just think the cheater is crazy, rather than try to sort out the truth from the lies. You have my sympathy, and good luck moving on.
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Old 26th July 2007, 10:27 AM   #35
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Originally Posted by East of Jupiter View Post
I would say that for the average person, the "mental illness" happens as a condition of the affair not a precursor.
Mental illness for the one being betrayed or for the betrayor?
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Old 26th July 2007, 12:07 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by lonelybird View Post
I think psychology really do more harm than good when it trys to remove person's responsibility and guilty from their own choices.
Most of the pychological community agrees that sometimes people aren't responsible for the way they think but they are totally responsibe for the things they do as a result of thier thinking and liable for all deserving guilt. The childborne inward workings of some manifest themselves as mistakes and bad choices/behavior.
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Old 26th July 2007, 12:15 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by Lizzie60 View Post
Cheating is definitely not a mental illness...but if it makes you feel better to think that way.... go ahead, no one has control over what you think is mental illness or not..
I really doesn't make me feel better or worse. It's just a discussion out of curiosity.
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Old 26th July 2007, 12:33 PM   #38
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Cheating is definitely not a mental illness...but if it makes you feel better to think that way.... go ahead, no one has control over what you think is mental illness or not.

I honestly think, from your threads, that you are living in denial and you're the one who need help. I'm serious... when a person puts all the blame on the spouse and takes no responsibility for the mariage failure, then he/she has a big problem.

I don't think you can clearly analyse what's been going on... and what lead to the cheating....
I was off in a war for five months. That's the only thing I've ever done. I wrote her letters of adhoration and drew portraits and sent her gifts. I called as much as I could. The only problem on my part is that I wasn't there. And that wasn't my choice. I know why she cheated. We've had enough time, counseling IC and MC to figure that one out. I want to know why other people cheat.

Let me ask you something sweetheart, do you think I deserve what happend? Do you think that behind my honest threads and posts that I'm to blame?
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Old 26th July 2007, 3:18 PM   #39
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I think that....

most of we "cheaters" on this board agree that our spouses were not to blame for our cheating. I don't believe that I have actually heard anyone say that in the time that I've been here, on either this or the OP forum.
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Old 26th July 2007, 3:29 PM   #40
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most of we "cheaters" on this board agree that our spouses were not to blame for our cheating. I don't believe that I have actually heard anyone say that in the time that I've been here, on either this or the OP forum.
Nice to see someone take responsibility for personal actions. While both wayward and betrayed spouse have personal responsibilities within the marriage and both need to uphold those responsibilities, to drag in a third party rests on the shoulders of the wayward spouse. Either make it right by ejecting the third party and work on your marriage, if both spouses are in agreement or if there's no hope of the saving the marriage, leave.

Any further interaction with anyone is no longer a forced triangulated situation with all the lying and deception that goes with juggling two mates.

Get honest.
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Old 27th July 2007, 9:28 AM   #41
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No ARDriver, I don't think you deserved it! In fact, I don't think most BS deserve to be cheated on. The WS is taking a selfish and cowardly act by looking outside the marriage for attention rather than either trying to fix what is wrong in the marraige or by getting out of the marriage first. That would be the right thing to do. I agree that all adults are responsible for their actions, no matter what the underlying cause.

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Originally Posted by badmood View Post
My husband the deacon says it was my fault that he cheated. He even told the counselor that today. He says that he didn't feel loved, therefore I and our children deserved his way of coping. We are after all an ungrateful family. And the woman he cheated with is on her third husband, so he and their children must be ungrateful too.
Whoa!!!! And how did the counselor respond to this load of s**t? Yep, He sounds like a true narcissist. I doubt there is any help for him. How long have you been in MC, are you going to keep trying? Does the church know about this? I would not like someone like that being a leader in MY church, and especially not working with children! He is a hypocrite and a mental case. He should not be teaching people values. Does the OW's husband know?
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