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Alone and angry


happiness2007

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happiness2007

I need advice.

I am married and I suspect alot of things going on with my husband. I am in my first year of marriage with him and nothing has started off good. I love him with all of my being but this seems to not be going anywhere. I try with all of what inside of me but still no response of security from him. I am 10 years younger than he is and I do not know exactly what he wants from me. I have tried to please him in every form and fashion. Even going outside of my being to please him in our love makings. I do not know what to do. It has brought alot of mistrust and he questions that daily from me. In turn I question his love. I want our marriage to work out but when I do not see any response from him I fail to see his love. We both come from other marriages and I thought I had found the man of my dreams. Don't know what to do. I want him to love me and be a part of my life but it seems as though that is not what he wants. Confused.

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I'm not sure exactly what it is that is going on in your marriage, you didn't really say. Just that you have tried and not sure what else to do.

 

What is he doing or not doing that makes you feel this way? You said you suspect alot of things going on, what do you feel is going on?

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whichwayisup

Does he know that you're feeling this way? Inadquate, feeling unloved?

 

You say you two came from other marriages, so I have to ask, does that mean you two left your spouses to be together? Or are you meaning that you both were married in the past, divorced and then met?

 

Marriage counsellling can help, if he is willing to go.

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Sounds like he married someone 10 years his younger and is very insecure. He knows that when he's 50, you'll be a hot 40 in your prime.....these are the things that are running through his mind. I would think the same thing. Thats why I will never ever date anyone younger than 5 years. I dated someone 10 years younger...I look to the future and want someone to grow old with...you can't grow old with someone 10 years and younger.

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whichwayisup

Just read another post by her, and it seems her husband used to be her boss, they had an affair...

 

Well, I now know why you feel insecure.

 

It is possible that because you two got together by cheating together, he doesn't trust you. He could be cheating on you and reflecting his behaviour onto you, making it seem like you're the one cheating.

 

Come out and ask him what is going on, lay it out on the table. Hopefully he'll be honest and let you know what is going on inside his head.

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happiness2007
Just read another post by her, and it seems her husband used to be her boss, they had an affair...

 

Well, I now know why you feel insecure.

 

It is possible that because you two got together by cheating together, he doesn't trust you. He could be cheating on you and reflecting his behaviour onto you, making it seem like you're the one cheating.

 

Come out and ask him what is going on, lay it out on the table. Hopefully he'll be honest and let you know what is going on inside his head.

 

Well you are right on this. Finally someone who understands. Yes we were both married and had an affair and divorced our spouses to be together and now things are not how they are suppose to be. I love him with all of my heart but in turn I do not get that from him. Actually I don't know what is really on his mind. He keeps the personal things inside. I ask him what is going on but will not talk about it. what do you do? If he won't talk and really let me know how can I move on and be happy when all I wonder is what is going on with him. Never have been proud of how we met and didn't plan on that ever happening it just did. I have regreted the way we met but not meeting him if that makes any since. He had brought great joy and laughter to my life but after we moved in together he seemed to change. I probably changed as well for you have to adjust to one another but what is he thinking and now can I know if there is someone else.

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whichwayisup

Then just tell him your fears and worries. See if he can atleast open up when it comes to your concerns. If he can't do that, be open and honest, have a conversation with you, then you two need marriage counselling.

 

How long were two together before you got married?

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IMO he's probably thinking about his ex wife and realizes how much he still loves her and what a stupid thing he did. That grass isn't greener on the other side.

 

Your relationship with him started under strife, lies and deceit. How you think it was going to continue? Women from the OW/OM thread needs to read this post. It might wake them up some.

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It appears like there is some deep miscommunication happening there. Possibly the same thing that drew you together and made you escape your respective previous spouses. A lesson not learned perhaps. Unless you want the same thing to happen again, you must try to reconnect. Be open and upfront with your H about your feelings and show him you are willing to listen to his concerns and thoughts and let him know in detail what you see happening.

 

I think you might be falling into old patterns, if not the two of you at least one of you is, (him?) So before you make your own self fulfilled prophesy come true, act proactively. Stop the cycle before it's too late.

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