Batman7 Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 What would you do? My wife had a long term relationship with her brother-in-law while we were married. He's the brother of my wife's sister-in-law. She was the one who initiated it, and traveled all the way across the state to have sex with him. This went on for about 3 years, and only stopped after she was pregnant with our daughter. She made it so obvious that she was cheating, even taking her birth-control (diaphram) with her when she travled. Her sister-in-law at numerous times would even bring his name up in front of me, at times inviting my wife to a function and tell her that her brother would be there. Just take me at my world, my wife has lied so much about this only becasue she doesn't want anyone to think bad of her. The thing is, everybody knows, she just won't admit to it. I'm only sticking this out becasue of my children, I just cannot leave them and not be here for them. My wife, I found out after marrying her, has extremely low self-esteem and slept with so many men before me it makes sick to think about it. The thing is, she has tried to make up for it but after all these years of her lying about it, and putting me through so much pain, forget it. I plan on leaving as soon as my son turns 18 (one year). She wants everything to be the way it should be in a good marriage, but until she admits what she did I refuse. I could go into much more details but won't at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Well, the fact that you wife cheated, covered it up and continues to lie is the important point. That it was with her BIL is a minor detail. Do you have any desire to work things out? If not, sounds like you are on the right path. Get things in order and leave on your own terms. Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 1, 2007 Share Posted April 1, 2007 Are you saying she was having sex with the brother in law for 3 years straight and only stopped when she got pregnant. My guess is that the chances are pretty good that she got pregnant from the brother-in-law. Clearly you cannot believe anything she says. You certainly need to have all of your children tested for paternity. She has continuously put your health at great risk for STD's and totally humiliated her family. I don't know how you can stay married to her. If the roles were reversed do you honestly she would be staying in the marriage for her children? I doubt it. How much more humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure. Enough is Enough! Link to post Share on other sites
oannamarie Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Have you confronted your brother in law about it? What does your wife say when you ask her about it? Does she deny it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Batman7 Posted April 2, 2007 Author Share Posted April 2, 2007 Well, she said she wanted to take a polygraph so I called her bluff and agreed. She then went into a panic and said that the machine would probably malfunction. Then she made a statement about how many families it would destroy, never mind that she destroyed her own. Is that an admission of guilt or what? But then she'll turn around and deny it. No, I have only met the guy once before my wife starting making her "business trips to his little town" and would never claim him as a brother-in-law. I'm only related through marriage. He was divorced when my wife hooked up with him, and evidentley has since remarried. My wife is more concerned with covering her own ass, and protecting him and herself. I just have this deep rooted belief that I shouldn't leave my children. I'm a porfessional and have a great life and friends outside of this nightmare with my wife. The thing is, at this point I could handle her telling the truth, and would be willing to move on, it's the lies over and over that hurt the most. Funny thing happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 Get paternity tests done on your children. How can you possibly believe anything she is saying and why would you want to? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Batman7 Posted April 2, 2007 Author Share Posted April 2, 2007 My son was born before any of this happened, no problem there. There was a time when we were in love, although I didn't know who she really was at the time. Our other child born after this all started looks exactly like me and my family, trust me, not worried there either. Yes I did continue to sleep with her although not very often as this was all unfolding and the evidence eventually became overwhelming. We still have moments when things are okay on the surface, but not very often. The issue always creeps back to the surface. Never in my life did I ever think I would be in this situation, and people who know me would be shocked that I would stick this out. If I thought for a second my second child wasn't mine, I would have been out of here so fast it would make your head spin. I appreciate the advice though. Link to post Share on other sites
JustBreathe Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 The more I read about cheating the more it makes me think marriage is not worth it. Only thing I can say is if you tried to deal with it and you couldn't, no one can blame you for leaving her. Sorry you're in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Leoni Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 How terrible. My sympathy goes to you and your children. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Get a pitbull lawyer, gather all the evidence you can, then once you are 100% ready, serve her papers and hang her out to dry. Destroy her reputation socially as well, if you feel like it, tell the kids everything so they know what their mother is really like. You've been played for the chump too long, now it's payback time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Batman7 Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 I appreciate the comments. I will admit it has been torture, and has had an affect on my children as well based on my up and down emotions. I certainly plan on telling them as soon as the time is right and they can handle it. My son is a teenager now, and my daughter is to young to have to deal with the truth. That's my main concern, it will destroy them and I wonder what it might do to their own development. This is an aweful thing and I wouldn't wish it on my own worst enemy. Over the years I've had many opportunities for "revenge relationships" and have held out because I thought it would make me has horrible as my wife. I just wish she would stop all the lies, maybe give us a point to rebuild, but even then I don't know if I could. I just want her to admit it. i come from a good family, and her family all know what she did. Her mother even tried to tell me one time that "it's a womans own business if she has an affair". It would take to long to tell you how she worked that into the conversation. I don't assocaite with her family at all anymore and really have no respect for them. One time the brother-in-laws name came up and my wife put her finger to her mouth to hush them, and then they all giggled about it. That's what I put up with around them. Talk about karma! My wifes brother and his wife (sister to the brother-in-law) were the ones who originally set my wife up with the guy. Well a couple of years ago my wifes brother started banging his wifes best friend and got busted. That's the kind of people I married into! I wish I had known for gosh sakes. I know I'm not the only person this has happened to, but when it happens to you it sure feels like it. Link to post Share on other sites
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