bean129 Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 I am married but the relationship is empty.. I wound have never thought of having an affair, ever. However, I started a new job two years ago and was attracted to a co-worker but I was not sure why. I never acted on it, he was married as well. He frequently "bragged" about how wonderful his wife was and how he was soooo happy. I was happy for him and figured you don't usually find those relationships. He did flirt with me frequently so one day I called him on it. Well, from then on we have had an intense relationship. I really care for him and I do special things for him... but he usually doesn't do anything in return. That is ok. He told me once he loved me (under influence of alcohol of course) It is just very difficult at times. I don't want him to leave his family or expect ANYTHING from him. I love the time we spend together and I am in a situation where I can not leave my husband. ( I don't think I am strong enough). Just recently, the "guy" said he felt bad because although he liked spending time with me he also stated he did not want to lead me on. I told him I don't expect anything from him. I told him I would not spend time with him anymore and keep it strictly business at work (which I think I can do) but he said he did not want that. I am really confused and am not sure what to do. I have no one to talk to about this. Please help me out!! Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmasMuse Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Which do you want more? Your marriage or this other man, who you will probably never really be able to fully have? If you want your marriage, or to try to work on your marriage, you need to cut all contact with this other guy. Depending on how much you are willing to work on your marriage and depending on how deep your feelings may run for the other guy, you may either have to move to another department in your work where you do not have contact with him, or change jobs all together. Its really your call. You can NOT try to work on your marriage with a 3rd party in the picture. It will cloud your judgement more than it already is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bean129 Posted February 11, 2007 Author Share Posted February 11, 2007 I know everything you are saying is true. It is just difficult. My marriage, well, I think I married him becuase I though nobody else would marry me. We only dated a short time and then were engaged and married all within less than 1 year. I was comming out of a bad relationship when I met him. We don't have alot in common etc. I don't have the strength to leave him. As for the other guy, I honestly don't know what it is. I don't think I would want to be married to him (he drinks more than I would like) but I enjoy being with him. As far as the job thing, I am from a small area, not alot of jobs in my profession. Leaving or changing departments is not an option. I have also signed an agreement to work there for 5 years. So again I am stuck. I think I can try to handle working around him. It is just when I make my mind up to keep it professional, I fear that because I will be "unavailable" in his eyes, that will make him want to chase me again. I fear I will not be strong enough. I guess I just needed someone to verbally state what I know!!! thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author bean129 Posted February 11, 2007 Author Share Posted February 11, 2007 I don't know, maybe I don't want either!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
justice Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 Are you prepared to lose everything if anyone at work finds out about the married guy you are seeing? Any plans if the wife finds out? And she will find out sooner or later and you had better be ready for the backlash. It can get pretty nasty. Believe me, I know. I was the betrayed wife at one point. Get rid of the married guy, that's sound advice from someone who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
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