girlnextdoorinlove Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 hello i am a married women and i have been married for 2 years. recently I saw my high school sweetheart that i had been with for 7 years. but i had not seen him since 1997 well ........... I did and every feeling that i could ever have felt made my emotions go into over load. we had always been friends, real good friends, before we had even stated living together in 1996. I gave him my ph # but he didn't call so i felt like good he is happy in his life and he just wants to keep in touch. well he called about 2 weeks ago. no sex involved at ALL but he gives me an emotional high like no other man ever in my life. but he also has a mate. they are not married. i cry all the time now and feel helpless. because my husband can't compare to him in that area. i am going crazy please some one help me ! Link to post Share on other sites
brainless twit Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 I give this advice (borrowed from Dr. Phil) a lot: There may be times in your life that you feel you didn't make the right choice, but you CAN make your choice right. I assume your marriage vows did not include the phrase "til something better comes along." You chose to marry your H, and you should honor the promises you made to him. Stay away from HS sweetheart. If you have those kinds of feelings for someone, it's not really possible to be "just friends." Talking to him will only cause you to focus on what's wrong with your marriage and how he would do things differently. If you're unhappy in your situation, TALK to your H and consider counseling, but don't betray him just because you ran into an old flame. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 21, 2006 Share Posted October 21, 2006 Since you felt you made a wrong choice and your new husband of two years cannot compete with him; why don't you tell your husband and be honest with him. This way your husband can find someone else to marry who will love and actually respect him. You can stay home and be a divorced woman who will be a booty call for your ex-boyfriend while he remains with his girlfriend. I think you should not be crying rather it is your new husband that should be crying. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted October 23, 2006 Share Posted October 23, 2006 Girlnextdoor, I read your post two days ago and have been thinking about it since. I was in much the same situation... a very long time ago. You didn't mention if you had kids.. it matters. I'm still collecting my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
greeneyes78 Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 This is something that I went through recently... My first love and someone that I've known since we were kids resurfaced in my life some time ago (long story, let me omit the details). At first we just talked and exchanged emails (we live far away from each other)... very nonchalantly, as if we were a couple of friends catching up... Then emails became more intense... full of reminissing of the good old times... when everything was pure and innocent, and oh how we cared for one another... Might I mention, he was/is in a committed relationship with another woman -- not married, but living together, and raising her 5 year old son -- she, of course, never knew about my existance... and not that I would ever want her to find out. Fast forward, last month I went back to my home town and saw him for the very first time in years. The meeting was full of fireworks and we were stuck on each other for full 2 weeks while I was there. We also had an opportunity to spend some time together... and get to know each other all over again. Also, we were intimate... something that I always wanted to do with him, but back then was simply too young to go there ..................... Anyway, I went back home and back to reality. He went back to his girlfriend. As of today, I don't feel a thing. Yes, he's someone very special to me... someone that I share many memories with... but at the end of the day, we lead two very separate lives right now and while we both get a big emotional high by being around each other, I also recognize that it's not all that "real". Human beings have a tendency to dwell on the past... especially after going through this, that, or the other... we reminiss over times when life seemed simpler... when love was wilder... when we looked at the world through pick sunglasses. You don't talk about your marriage in your post, but I think that your problem has to do with the quality of the relationship that you have with your current spouse. If you are unhappy in your marriage, fantisizing about the ex is the easiest and quickest escape from reality. It's not that your high school sweetheart is "better" than your husband... it's your subconscious (or maybe even conscious?) belief that your husband isn't that good. I'd suggest addressing the root of the problem before jumping in your ex's arms. You've obviously both moved on with your lives... what makes you believe that he's the same person you dated back then? Make sure that you're not stuck in the past. Life moves forward quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Problem is, alot of people compare their current relationship to their 'first love'. Like the previous poster stated when you believe things 'were simplier', etc.. However alot of people also 'romanticize the past', and seem to block out all the bad things or things that went wrong in that past relationship. There is a reason why they are an ex. Learn from the experience, don't regret it but don't hang onto it. Close that chapter of your life so you can move on. I was enaged to someone else years ago and though I think back on her with good memories I would never try to rekindle something again or see if that something is 'still there'. For me to do that would be cheating in my eyes. I'm married and the last thing my wife needs to feel is any sort of competition or feel that she doesn't have my full heart. If it was meant to be you would be with your ex. It's not. Accept it. Take the things you learn from that past relationship and use it to your advantage towards your current one. Or.. you can not take any of this advice, cheat on your husband and then look back & regret that he's not there with you anymore.. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 hello i am a married women and i have been married for 2 years. recently I saw my high school sweetheart that i had been with for 7 years. but i had not seen him since 1997 well ........... I did and every feeling that i could ever have felt made my emotions go into over load. we had always been friends, real good friends, before we had even stated living together in 1996. I gave him my ph # but he didn't call so i felt like good he is happy in his life and he just wants to keep in touch. well he called about 2 weeks ago. no sex involved at ALL but he gives me an emotional high like no other man ever in my life. but he also has a mate. they are not married. i cry all the time now and feel helpless. because my husband can't compare to him in that area. i am going crazy please some one help me ! I actually married my high school sweetheart 20 years ago...I believe that had we dated other people and waited until we were older to marry; we were only 22 and 23, our marriage would have been more solid...We dated through high school, college, grad school, etc., and were so sure the timing was right and we were so in love. Fast forward 20 years, multiple affairs by my H, immature communication skills, etc...Had we waited, I am certain that the whole course of our marriage would have been different. What does this have to do with your post? I wanted you to possibly see what you missed...you did the right thing in letting him go the first time, now don't give into temptation and get caught up in it a second time. Talk to you H, try MC, you may find that he will be reponsive to some measures to strengthen your marriage. That emotional high that you feel with you have contact with your ex b is just that a emotional high...not love...and this is a huge red warning flag for you to work on your marriage...Good luck and blessings Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 I was going through a similar thing with my ex from long ago. I just talked with him over the phone a few times (nothing physical) but it did bring back old emotions. Thank God we haven't talked anymore and I let that scenario go. The other poster was right in that there is a reason he is your ex. I found out that my ex is a serial cheater on his wife and 3 kids. I found this funny considering that when we dated he always said "single people can date who they want but when a couple gets married no cheating is allowed". I see he abandoned that thought. I am happily married to a wonderful guy who I wouldn't hurt for anything in the world. What I did find out is that I came out better by not ending up with my ex. Leave him alone and focus on your h. You may find out that you came out better by who you married also. Emotional highs and passion can be addicting but the more you feed them the larger they become. Keep yourself busy and forget this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
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