Jump to content

Feeling Burnt


BurntInNJ

Recommended Posts

A few months ago I got that sick feeling, something was not right. I confronted my husband and he told me that he never would cheat on me. Well, here we are five months later, and I found out he has been lying all along. He continued to see this other woman. I feel so betrayed, not only did he cheat but he continued to even after telling me that he was faithful. I was suspicious all along, they say listen to your instincts but I love my husband and wanted to believe him. I don't know what to do, who do I turn to? My family knows, I am so beyond embarassment for being so stupid all this time.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not sure which way you want to go with this. Are you willing to work through this betrayal by going to counseling? Is he willing?

 

Or are you considering leaving him?

 

One thing is I don't envy you for what you're going through. That has to be so heartbreaking. I hope your days get brighter soon.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes you haven't talked about the current state of things. Has he shown any remorse, promised to break it off, etc? You'd be a bigger person than me to stay with him but some do and manage to work it out. I imagine your feelings are all over the map right now. You are living my worst relationship nightmare and I am really sorry for what is happening to you.

 

It is especially insulting when someone so flagrantly declares they would never do something that they are actually in the process of!

 

Please keep us posted. You will find many sympathetic ears here, for what it's worth.

Link to post
Share on other sites
A few months ago I got that sick feeling, something was not right. I confronted my husband and he told me that he never would cheat on me. Well, here we are five months later, and I found out he has been lying all along. He continued to see this other woman. I feel so betrayed, not only did he cheat but he continued to even after telling me that he was faithful. I was suspicious all along, they say listen to your instincts but I love my husband and wanted to believe him. I don't know what to do, who do I turn to? My family knows, I am so beyond embarassment for being so stupid all this time.

Log on to www.marriagebuilders.com dedicated primarily to infidelity. Read up on "Surviving and Affair". Follow the Plan A & B principles. If your H is willing to commit to rebuilding your marriage, there's a chance.

 

Is the OW married? If so, call the husband and expose the affair. MB principles is to expose the affair to the light of day. Did that to husband. It worked, but the scum just kept lying.

 

My XHTB continued lying and cheating even after he said it was over. Forgave him once and that was it. He's not capable of being honest and faithful. We are filing for divorce. Meanwhile he's characterizing me in a negative way to his friends and I'm have to keep myself from blowing the lid off this scumbag and show the world what he really is...a slimeball and a scumbag. But in due time....

 

Don't beat yourself up for the choice he made. It's not your burden to carry. You didn't put a gun to his head to cheat.

 

Good luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, remember that being betrayed does not make you a fool. He is the cheater and liar, and believing him just makes you a heck of a lot nicer than he deserved.

Link to post
Share on other sites
outofdarkness
A few months ago I got that sick feeling, something was not right. I confronted my husband and he told me that he never would cheat on me. Well, here we are five months later, and I found out he has been lying all along. He continued to see this other woman. I feel so betrayed, not only did he cheat but he continued to even after telling me that he was faithful. I was suspicious all along, they say listen to your instincts but I love my husband and wanted to believe him. I don't know what to do, who do I turn to? My family knows, I am so beyond embarassment for being so stupid all this time.

you are not stupid..my h also told me over and over that he would never do that to me, even before we were married...After I found out, we went to MC for six months and I found out he had continued to cheat during those months. cheaters will lie..lie...lie...until the cows come home! All of the feelings that you are having are normal considering what you are going through. Mabey it's time to give him an ultimatum...I don't know you but it doesn't sound like YOU have anything to be embarrased about...HE is the one who cheated...

 

Good luck...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Bless your heart. Good luck, I'm sorry that he is such a worthless piece of lying trash. There are good men out there, get this loser out of your hair and move on.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

He is denying that it was an affair, said they are just friends who work together. He promised me he will not talk to her any more, and I want to believe him. He gave me a lot of detail, said they had met after work and that he was helping her do things around her apartment. He made it sound very innocent, and I know I am a jerk for believing him. I can kick myself for letting him know that I had a suspicion because now I may never really know the truth. I hate having to live with this thought everyday for the rest of my life. Can I ever trust him? Should I ever trust him? I am so angry!

Link to post
Share on other sites

If trust is destroyed, there's really not much else. If he was having an affair and got away with it, then even if he doesn't continue with her there will be someone else. You don't need this poison in your life, you deserve to be with someone who loves you and with whom you can have a real relationship with mutual trust and respect. Cheaters are expert at fooling people into thinking they're not the scum of the earth, but your instincts are there for a reason.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Foreignaffair
A few months ago I got that sick feeling, something was not right. I confronted my husband and he told me that he never would cheat on me. Well, here we are five months later, and I found out he has been lying all along. He continued to see this other woman. I feel so betrayed, not only did he cheat but he continued to even after telling me that he was faithful. I was suspicious all along, they say listen to your instincts but I love my husband and wanted to believe him. I don't know what to do, who do I turn to? My family knows, I am so beyond embarassment for being so stupid all this time.

 

I know exactly how you feel as the same thing happened to me, I had suspicions was told it was platonic and like you love my husband with all my heart and wanted to believe him, it had been going on for a year! All those moments we have had over that time now seem cheapened, and I think I am still in a state of shock (found out two weeks ago) but please don't feel stupid, it's beautiful that you were so trusting and loving, none of us want to believe the worst, so it's perfectly natural not to have known, I even had a message on the answer phone when he was with her (his mobile was in his pocket) and played it to him saying bit wierd don't you think, but he just had some reason for what it was and again I believed him, but I don't think I was stupid just trusting!

 

As for who you should turn to, I'm afraid the only answer is yourself, you are the only person you can trust, I don't know if you have decided to try and make your marriage work or if it's over for you, and I know it's really hard but I sincerely believe the only way to deal with this level of pain is to turn it into something positive, you will find reserves of strength you never knew you had and although you will of course be less trusting in the future, as will I, maybe that's no bad thing!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I know exactly how you feel as the same thing happened to me, I had suspicions was told it was platonic and like you love my husband with all my heart and wanted to believe him, it had been going on for a year! All those moments we have had over that time now seem cheapened, and I think I am still in a state of shock (found out two weeks ago)

 

I have not been able to sleep, eat and can just about get through my day without screaming! He is still home, refuses to leave the home. I do not know what to do, he does not want to leave and continues to say it was a platonic relationship. I hate my life, I hate him and I just want him out.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...