Jersey Shortie Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Well I don't. I wish I did. But it seems that every time your man isn't with you, and even when he is, he is still always seeking out other women on some level. Could be just from looking at another chick and thinking about her or looking at porn, or going to strip clubs. Why can't men just be loyal to their girl? It's like guys don't really care about their women. And if they do have a woman, all they want is new women to think about. It's making me bitter to men and I don't want to be but I don't have alot of faith in men and their loyality or love of the women they are with. Not to mention that the things they are thinking about in porn and strip clubs are all these idealized versions of female beauty from fake hair extentsions to fake breasts. How is a normal girl suppose to feel pretty to her guy? I don't want to be bitter about men but I am. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I would consider this a rant. But no, as a man, I am not offended. You have many valid points. What is that saying? "Men are like parking spots...the good ones ae taken and..." I forgt the rest. Of course many of the taken ones aren't always in a good spot either. My only suggestion to you is to keep looking for a good one, or determine why you attract the bad ones. Link to post Share on other sites
tonyp56 Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Sorry to say this, but it sounds more like you are insecure, and that is the reason why you miss trust men so much. Why are you insecure, I don't know, but it sounds like at some point(s) you've been hurt my a man that left you for someone else or that you caught cheating on you. The truth is, you've got to like yourself to be liked, if you don't think you are beautiful, how can you expect anyone? If you believe that you are beautiful, you wouldn't be concerned with these women with fake boobs etc... Know who you are and what you've got, if a man don't want you, guess what, he isn't for you. Move on until a man will treat and love you like you deserve. But don't let your bad experiences with men make every man out there the same, because if you do, you'll never find anyone. And you've got to be realistic, no man can go without looking from time to time. And you've got to be secure enough in yourself for that not to effect you. There is a line that shouldn't be crossed, but you've got to allow for men looking at other women, or even watching porn from time to time--if it is all the time and/or porn collection that would rival the local video store or even out number regular movies, then I can see you having a problem. Of course, I can understand what you are saying, but you've got to realize that just because a man looks at another women--in any of the ways that you list--doesn't mean that 1) he wants to cheat, 2) that you aren't beautiful, 3) you have anything to worry about. In many ways, if your man didn't look, that would, in an opinion of a man, be a worse sign of a problem than looking. Do you never look? If you say no, I am sorry I don't believe that. Perhaps you don't look at men based on their looks only--women tend to be less visual than men--but I bet that you see a movie actor, or someone else with lots of money or fame or whatever, and you think to yourself "nice". Every woman I've known, from my ex wife, my friends wives, my marriedfemale friends, etc. they've all talked about at least one actor they'd like to _________. Sorry that you feel this way, I would honestly suggest counseling to be sure that there isn't more to the way that you feel than what you say. I don't doubt that you've been hurt, but if you want a relationship with a man, you'll have to take care of your insecurities first. If your married, you need to get this taken care of, even if your husband happens to be the one that hurt you, deal with that separately. Make yourself #1. Truth is, you should be able to feel good about yourself no matter what ANYONE thinks or does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jersey Shortie Posted September 9, 2006 Author Share Posted September 9, 2006 "The truth is, you've got to like yourself to be liked, if you don't think you are beautiful, how can you expect anyone?" This doesn't have to do with insecurity. No matter how hot a chick is a guy is still always seeking out other women. It is never enough or good enough for men. You could be very sexual in bed and do things from roleplaying to whip cream and cater to them but at the end of the day he is still seeking out other women. So tell me what the point is in trying so hard because I don't see it. "There is a line that shouldn't be crossed, but you've got to allow for men looking at other women, or even watching porn from time to time--" Ya know I wonder why men even get in relationships with women they *claim* they care about. You guys are more concerned about your freedom to look at other women and jack off to porn. You should just have these things and not try to forge real relationships with women since it is obvious where guys priorities are. "Do you never look? If you say no" Yes I look but it doesn't seem to be like when a guys does it. I don't think never looking ever is wrong but guys don't seem to have any desire to control themselves and it is very disappointing to see. I know men are going to look sometimes but I think it goes beyond looking for men an they think about having sex with the chick not just looking at her and saying she is cute. I just question men's loyalty these days. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I take it you have been burned. I understand if you are feeling that you don't trust men due to something that has happened. However, NOT ALL men or relationships are bad. You say you Look as well, how would the man you are with at the time know what it is you are thinking or feeling when you look? He doesn't. But if a man you are with looks at another woman, you would automactically assume he wants her? Its human nature to "look" at others. But its a choice if a person, man or woman decides they want to take somethng further with another. You can not put ALL men in a box and say you don't trust MENS loyality, when you have not been with ALL men. I'm sure this is based on something that happned to you and its ok to feel the way you do or vent about it. But remember not ALL men would do you dirty. You are welcome to share with us your story for who it was that made you feel the way do. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I was very insecure due to a very bad ex. Now I have bitter towards guys and see guys in a different light, when in reality well its really not reality its just my perception. I wish it wasn't that way but I have seen too many " loyal " guys go to other women all the time that it baffles me. Not saying all guys are like that, but alot are just like alot of women are scandalous Link to post Share on other sites
0llll0 Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 Sorry to say this, but it sounds more like you are insecure, and that is the reason why you miss trust men so much. Why are you insecure, I don't know, but it sounds like at some point(s) you've been hurt my a man that left you for someone else or that you caught cheating on you. Agreed! Most definately about the part where you sound like you have been hurt badly. Not trying to get you to admit it, just pointing the perception your putting out there. Not to mention that the things they are thinking about in porn and strip clubs are all these idealized versions of female beauty from fake hair extentsions to fake breasts. How is a normal girl suppose to feel pretty to her guy? Ever notice that, in most of the other species that reside on our planet, the male is the one who does all the primping, has all the color (think birds here), and calls out with song to get the attention of the opposite sex? Maybe men are just living it up for them? Bad joke, but you get the principle I hope. I just question men's loyalty these days. You man? Your X? A friends man? A friend you like but isn't interested? Or just all of us rat bastages? If your going to slide down the slope of "men are pigs and I can't figure out why", then be prepared to hear that fact that your just not finding the one who isn't a pig to you......... Link to post Share on other sites
LVspecB Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 But it seems that every time your man isn't with you, and even when he is, he is still always seeking out other women on some level. A quick perusal of the Marriage and Infidelity Forums would indicate that a certain number of women are also actively considering or pursuing alternatives to their current relationships. Maybe a better title for yout thread would be "I Don't Trust People"? LVspecB Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Well, we're all human, men and women alike and it is only natural to look at other people. There is a lot of dysfunction going around but there are a lot of good people in good marriages too trying their best to take care of each other and working to achieve that ultimate intimate relationship. My very deep belief is that if you have that, you will not care to go elsewhere, but you WILL still see a hot body and appreciate the aesthetics. I have no patience for anything beyond that. I don't think that such men OR women are evolved enough to sustain a true marriage. It's about truly bonding, not cohabiting and then seeing what you can get away with. It is a shame that you have not found someone who is looking for this, but remember you have to be ready for it, too. If/when you are, I assure you that such men exist. Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 I'd like to add that they are not often found in the bars and clubs scene. Try joining a hobby group of interest or church. I am not that religious, but it's a much better place to find good men than at a bar. Even though I don't have religious affiliation though, I do think of marriage as the most spiritual relationship you can have - on earth at least... Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Just because a guy looks at another women doesn't mean he intends to do anything but admire her beauty. I think your perception is not due to men looking at a women but because some guy you cared about burned you. I can understand you bitterness but you must realize that by letting this guy control your life like this you are in for a life of depression and anger. Is this acceptable to you? You need to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince. Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Just because a guy looks at another women doesn't mean he intends to do anything but admire her beauty. I think your perception is not due to men looking at a women but because some guy you cared about burned you. I can understand you bitterness but you must realize that by letting this guy control your life like this you are in for a life of depression and anger. Is this acceptable to you? You need to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince. Well put, Yamaha, but I disagree with one thing: I think she should back away from the frogs and save those kisses for someone who is at least POTENTIALLY a prince! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Jersey, I understand where you are coming from, more than you ever dreamed of. Dear husband and I are coming upon our exact one year anniversary(end of this month) , when he quit porn. He had been addicted to the junk for four years. I researched the subject for months upon months after our big blowout. He had a choice to choose me or porn...and he chose me. He's been extremely remorseful and he's been very attentive ever since that night. We started attending sunday school classes--about eight months ago--and he's not at all the same man from a year ago. It's rather shocking how much he has changed. Not long ago, I found a book at our local Christian store called: Everyman's Battle...subtitle: Every Man's Guide to....Winning the War on Sexual Tempatation One Victory at a Time...by Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker. It's quite the eye-opening book, why men are the way they are. This book shows the way to be devoted to your wife. Jersey, keep looking. Maybe in a singles spiritual group of some sort. I wish you the best of luck and best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
honeybunch2k5 Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Are you referring to when a man looks or when he ogles? I understand men are going to look, but I can completely understand if you are angry b/c a man is ogling another woman. I've had guys do that number (tongue hanging out, eyes buggin out) to me, then he'd expect me to be happy afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkShadows Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 Hmm, from what I have been told by my boyfriend is this... In his own words by the way... "I do not gawk or want to screw any girl that passes by me. I do notice people who are good looking but all I think is "They are pretty or cute." I do not compare anyone to you or think higher of them than I do you. All I think is 'she is good looking' and nothing more. I do not dwell on her or fantasize about her naked. I would never 'mentally' cheat on you and when I fantasize it's only about you and certain positions of sex." That's what he said to me.. Now I do not know if he is believable especially when he broke a boundary with me twice concerning porn... So yeah, I hope he is being truthful but at this stage in our relationship I do not trust him one bit. And he knows this. I really do not know if he is being honest with me.. Can't read his mind at all. Link to post Share on other sites
No Way Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 Jersey, I know what you are feeling. At first my husbend glanced and I didnt like it. So when we went to clubs I would excuse myself and go watch him from across the place. He didn't just look, he oggled. And he was looking for acknowledgement from them. Enraged. We were married with kids - that's permanant. No need to be looking now, jerk. Once I stood right behind him and he actually said " hay, How are you?" to some chicks squeezing by. Wham- I belted him right then. He denied ever uttering a word. Denial always. Look- now you are wiser. You will see the signs and insted of deni them yourself you will listen. You can see bull more clearly. As you figure all your problams out and stop rationalizing his behavior you will learn how to survive. This is not a matter of being insicure at all. No one can figure out why he would look at someone over me but he has some serious problems that heve nothing to do with how I feel about myself. Regardless us ladies are very concerned about risking our hearts after having one bad experiance after another. The creeps definately outnumber the good men. I love men. I need men but I have chosen to keep a friendly distance. For now I'll be over here Oggeling YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
LVspecB Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Seems liked we are damned if we do, etc... I am a "people" watcher, whether at the beach or the shopping mall. Some of the people walking by are funny looking old guys in undershirts and black sox, and some are hot women in string bikinis. I gaze at them all equally as they are all interesting to me in some way. Hate to think that, married to some of the women here, I'd have to avert my glance lest I be labeled a pervert. Are you sure you'te not reading too much into this stuff? LVspecB Link to post Share on other sites
DarkShadows Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 LV - The thing is there's a difference in the way guys look. If you were to just glance, ok fine no biggy but if you were to stare at a girl as she passed by and turn around to see the back of her... yeah no woman in the world would tolerate that. There's a thin line between respect and disrespect.. that is just wrong. As for my guy, since the trust has been lost, kind of has to be built back up. So... that can't happen in a day, a month, a year. So I have my anger towards 'guys' (not men there is a difference) right now. Maybe if the role was reversed, like men were women where they didn't need porn or other guys, and the guys were the ones to feel less and less about themselves because their girls were out pulling what they pull...Then they'd understand.. Maybe.. *lol* Link to post Share on other sites
HennyPenny Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Jersey, I know exactly how you feel. I've got insecurity issues due to an unhealthy past relationship and I still don't trust men. I still feel like any man I meet, no matter how interested he is in me, will be gone in a flash if a more conventionally attractive woman crooks her finger at him (no matter how unattractive her personality is.) I feel like men are shallow and are preoccupied with women's looks. I also feel like men are clueless about how unattractive they are most of the time. I know I'm probably wrong. My friends claim to have found "good men" who would never dog them like that. I still feel like any man I meet is just hanging out until someone better looking comes along. Notice i didn't say "better," but "better looking." I'm bitter, I admit it. I know it's a flaw in my personality that makes me see things this way. That and I probabaly attract crappy men because I feel crappy about myself. I'm sorry, this probably isn't helping you much. Not any great advice here. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
LVspecB Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 I feel like men are shallow and are preoccupied with women's looks. I also feel like men are clueless about how unattractive they are most of the time. Doesn't the second statement overlap the first? In judging men "unattractive ... most of the time", aren't you "shallow" and "preoccupied"? Sounds like you are looking, judging and appraising the opposite sex on a regular basis. And yet, should a man do this, he is "ogling", "perving" and "disrespecting" his woman. Double standard... LVspecB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jersey Shortie Posted September 15, 2006 Author Share Posted September 15, 2006 Thank you for your comments and trying to help..I do appreicate it..there are a few things I want to say in response to comments made. "....Or just all of us rat bastages? If your going to slide down the slope of "men are pigs and I can't figure out why.." I don't think men are rat bastages or pigs. I just don't think men value loyalty to their women like they value the loylty they want from women. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "Just because a guy looks at another women doesn't mean he intends to do anything but admire her beauty. " Maybe he won't do anything. But he is thinking about it. Might as well go ahead and do it at that point since you are thinking about doing it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "I do not gawk or want to screw any girl that passes by me. I do notice people who are good looking but all I think is "They are pretty or cute." I do not compare anyone to you or think higher of them than I do you. All I think is 'she is good looking' and nothing more. I do not dwell on her or fantasize about her naked. I would never 'mentally' cheat on you and when I fantasize it's only about you and certain positions of sex." Yeah right they don't dwell or fantasy about a girl they stare at naked! I don't believe any of that stuff he told you ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "I am a "people" watcher, ....funny looking old guys in undershirts and black sox, and some are hot women in string bikinis. I gaze at them all equally as they are all interesting to me in some way. Hate to think that, married to some of the women here, I'd have to avert my glance lest I be labeled a pervert. Are you sure you'te not reading too much into this stuff? LVspecB" I didn't say it makes you a pervert. I just don't think it makes you loyal to your SO. I some how don't think looking at an old guy is the same as looking at a girl in a bikini. Give me a break. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- I think if men went through half the stuff women did, they would understand. If women were sitting there staring at their hot friends..guys who made more money then them..where taller then them and making magizines and videos about hot men who had penis implants and were perfect and rich, i think guys just might understand why these things make your SO feel devalued in your eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
LVspecB Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 Maybe he won't do anything. But he is thinking about it. Might as well go ahead and do it at that point since you are thinking about doing it. Thinking about it is the same as doing it? Uh-oh, better send the police to my house, as I thought several times about killing my boss this week I guess now I DO have to agree with you. Based on your standard, we (all men, Jimmy Carter included) are guilty.... LVspecB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jersey Shortie Posted September 16, 2006 Author Share Posted September 16, 2006 I didn't say thinking and doing were the same thing. I just said if you are thinking about it, might as well go ahead and do it and not pretend you care about your SO or that your a good guy when you aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
LVspecB Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 I see why you don't trust men, as we are all doomed to fail your test. By creating an impossible standard - "thinking about it, might as well go ahead and do it and not pretend you care about your SO or that your a good guy when you aren't" - you're gonna be let down every time. Come on, Jersey, do you really expect me to believe that you've never thought or fantasized about an emotional or physical relationship with a man other than your SO? LVspecB Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 With all my hateful comments towards women I can't even get mad at you but not all men are unloyal or uncaring about their women. If a woman proves herself to be worth my loyalty there is nothing that could make me cheat. Angelina Jolie and Eva Longoria could offer me a three way and I still would not cheat on my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
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