Alexandra Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 This one is a bit strange and it comes from one of my clients, or rather it is connected to some of the things him and I are trying to work out and we have agreed I'd poll you guys (married people or formerly married people only, please) on this. How much "alone time" do you typically get? How much does your partner? What is a minimum and what would be "too much"? By alone time I mean the amount of time one of the two partners gets all on their own to enjoy a solitary activity (reading, web surfing, watching TV) not going to a spa or meeting friends. I won't tell you the circumstances right away first because we didn't get a chance to clarify if he'd be okay with that in the last session and second because it may skew results. Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 When I was married the only alone time I had was the car ride to and from work.. and that is all I needed .. As soon as I stepped thru the door at home I was part of the family unit.. wife and kid and didn't require anymore than that. I was very happy with it.. but I will say that I would occasionally work a long day if I was working thru something and didn't want to go home at 5 or 6 Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 My H is the same as Art was above minus the child. My days right now are mine until I am back at work in 10 days. Then zero alone time. Neither of us have very much non work alone time. Weekend together normally we are working on a project separate from one another. On occassion a joint project. Did that make any friggin sense at all? (btw I am procrastinating right now, form of PA behavior about picking up my H's b-day gift ) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 Both my hubby and I are very laid back and don't feel the need to spend every waking hour with eachother. I like my time to play on the internet (AKA LoveShack), or to watch TV in bed (he doesn't watch the shows I watch) and he likes his time to go mess around with his computer in the basement as he has projects, he loves to fix other people's computers, etc., or he just putters around doing the guy thing around the house. It's a good balance and keeps us sane and not sick of eachother. What works with one couple may not work with another, so each situation is different depending on the personalities, how much each person NEEDS (or wants) to be around their spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeered Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 When I was married I had too much alone time, he always wanted to be out...out with friends, out by himself etc. On the occasions I got out on my own for my own activity it was usually going to the store.. I got used to it over time but I didn't care for it... Now in the relationship I'm in which is as close to marriage as I could be without the ring and I Do's we have alone time while riding and driving to work, and I have an hour alone with my kiddo before he comes home. Typically when we are home we prefer to be together as a family..he was alone for his whole life till me so he's done with that..and with my past marriage always being alone I like having a partner that wants to do things with me...lol Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 By alone time I mean the amount of time one of the two partners gets all on their own to enjoy a solitary activity Would that include time for masturbation? Just want to know cause I need it for my calculations. Yes, I was indeed married for 3 years so I am qualified. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alexandra Posted May 11, 2006 Author Share Posted May 11, 2006 Would that include time for masturbation? Just want to know cause I need it for my calculations. Yes, I was indeed married for 3 years so I am qualified. Yes, feel free to add in those two hours daily too.BTW nice pic earlier And everyone else thank you muchly for the responses, I'll wait for more and approval then tell you part of the story if that's alright with him. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 How much "alone time" do you typically get? About 7 to 8 hours a day. How much does your partner? Anywhere from 3 to 4 hours a day. He enjoys woodworking and loves to spend a few hours with his hobby in the garage relaxing after work. What is a minimum Never really thought about it, but I suppose I need at least three hours per day just to chill or get things done. … and what would be "too much"? I'd probably miss him terribly after 24 hours. I wouldn't be use to it. As sappy as it sounds, we haven't spent a single day apart in almost six years. :o Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 Would that include time for masturbation? Just want to know cause I need it for my calculations. No, that doesn't count...That's extra-extra time! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 BTW nice pic earlier thanks...ok, on to business. I would say 1 hour of total "alone-time" on a work day and 2 to 3 hours total "alone-time" on a weekend day....that would be ideal but it would probably end up in reality to be 15 minutes. I was married for 3 yrs and the #1 thing I hated was the loss of privacy and almost zero alone time. I will probably not get married again because of this. I love my time alone. And I mean LOVE! I don't understand why anyone would want to spend 24/7/365 with the same person. I don't care how great they are! Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 MY BF and I aren't married yet, but we do live together. We do NOT spend 24/7/365 together. In fact, he's going out of town this weekend, and while I will miss him very much, I'm looking forward to getting to have some alone time. After we work out, we usually come home and do our own thing for a few hours before bed. We're together most of the weekends. But we're fine that way. He's funny, I enjoy his company very much. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 why anyone would want to spend 24/7/365 with the same person. I like quality time BUT OMGAWSH.. I would suffocate.. Give me air, Give me daylight. Give me, give me, give me some space.............. Leave me be.. Thats a bit extreme 24/7/365 I'm kinda enjoying my space now.. (first time in my life.) Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 it's not so bad, Alpha, provided you and your spouse are in an agreement on spending time alone and together. I'm pretty content with my situation. Husband is okay with me visiting family and friends on my own, with me pursuing my preferred past-times around the house (baking, reading, and lately, renovating the house) while he does his thing tinkering with his bike, out in yard or kicking back with a pack of smokes and listening to talk radio. We enjoy spending time together, and I miss him while we're apart, but it's the healthy kind of missing another person. I guess the best part of being with him is that while we're close, we're not joined at the hip, thank goodness. I had a sticky booger boyfriend in college and he about drove me nuts because he *had* to be with me the whole time. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 sticky booger boyfriend ... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 sure, I can laugh NOW, but back then I was finding really creative ways to dodge the guy! :D Link to post Share on other sites
IrishRod Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 Between my drive to and from work and then the alone time that I make for myself, I would estimate I get about 4-5 hours of alone time a day. and the same goes for my spouse. People need alone time just to get their thoughts and emotions in order. I could not image not having less than the time I have now. If you and your SO are in the same house all day long and you only spend a couple of hours together I would guess that is to much time apart. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 If you and your SO are in the same house all day long and you only spend a couple of hours together I would guess that is to much time apart. If you live under the same roof with someone you really don't have any true alone time. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 My fiance and I give each other all the space we need and still end up spending most of our time together. It works so well because it is not forced. As for alone time I visit my friends and she visits hers. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 Hmm..depends on your definition of alone time. My wife and I spend a lot of time alone doing whatever projects or watching TV etc. but in the same dwelling. I play in a band and work on recordings as well so I'll go play a gig and my wife stays home since they often go late. I sometimes go out with freinds. Sometime she's goes out with friends. Not counting work and commuting I suppose I spend anywhere from 1 - 4 hours a day alone doing my thing. I'll walk into the other room or my wife will stop in and talk for a minute here and there. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 My fiance and I give each other all the space we need and still end up spending most of our time together. It works so well because it is not forced. As for alone time I visit my friends and she visits hers. that's pretty much how my marriage works – we can be apart, but are relatively content to be together when we are together. And we don't necessarily have to be in constant dialogue with each other ... it's more like a companionable silence. He doesn't encroach on my privacy even when we are together and I'm doing something like reading or handsewing. I guess as you grow together, you learn how to maintain that companionable silence, and it becomes enjoyable because you're attention isn't being demanded. Link to post Share on other sites
PuppyDogEyes Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 My BF and I only see each other on weekends right now (Friday afternoon to Sunday evening). We're more or less together all the time during that period, but if we were to live together, at one point or another we'd need that "time to ourselves" as well. He'll post on forums while I read a book, or he'll nap while I'm checking mail, etc. So we'll take maybe about an hour or two even during the weekends to do separate activities, but on occasion we'll look up, wave and smile, then go back to whatever we're doing. Works well for us. - pde. Link to post Share on other sites
Starving 4 Love Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 For me, I go to work and see her at lunch. I have her lunch ready and we eat together then leave for our jobs. Here is the thing, I need my space. Not a home body, I need to get out and go to the gym or do something with the guys. This always give her some breathing room. Here are the things that are inportant to her. Going to sleep together at the same time, its symbolic of our relationship. Eating dinner together and always being able to sit and talk, having our time. This holds our deep bond together without smothering each other. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
TeaCooler Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 I don't understand why anyone would want to spend 24/7/365 with the same person. I don't care how great they are! this would be my own private hell. Link to post Share on other sites
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