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Can a married man and a married woman be just friends?


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Old 23rd February 2006, 11:43 AM   #1
SuzieM
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Question Can a married man and a married woman be just friends?

Can a married man and a married woman be just friends? If there is an attraction, how much talking or emailing with eacother do you do before it turns physical? How easy is it to discuss the attractiveness to each other? Is it different having an affair with someone is is married or single? Are married people more eager or more reluctant to start an affair?
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Old 23rd February 2006, 1:18 PM   #2
 
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Can a married man and a married woman be just friends? If there is an attraction
Of course they can. I am a close friend with many of my friends husbands . However I would not dream of crossing the line.
I am a real big flirt, however I am too loyal to my friends to allow anything untoward to anything to happen.

It is good to have male friends.
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Old 23rd February 2006, 1:22 PM   #3
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I think that they definitely can, but there have to be some clear boundaries. Otherwise, they run the risk of falling into the second half of your post. What those boundaries are will be different for each group of people, but they need to be set.
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Old 23rd February 2006, 1:31 PM   #4
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I think they can, HOWEVER, if there is an attraction between them both or there is emailing going on, meetings, phone conversations etc, that neither of the other spouses know nothing of, then theres a problem and it would be time to back away.





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Old 23rd February 2006, 1:55 PM   #5
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Absolutely. But if any of their exchanges are things that couldn't be read / heard by the spouse, without causing discomfort, then it's completely inappropriate. If the spouse is unaware of the contact or the amount of contact, and you KEEP that from the spouse intentionally, that's a huge red flag.

I'd be careful not to vent to a male friend about my marriage. Whether you intend to or not, that can send a sign that you are somehow available.
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Old 23rd February 2006, 4:40 PM   #6
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Two things...if it is okay with your husband, yes. if all communications can be shown to your husband, yes.

Having said that, I believe it is also playing with fire. There is a distinct possibility of being burned.
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Old 23rd February 2006, 5:27 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SuzieM
Can a married man and a married woman be just friends? If there is an attraction, how much talking or emailing with eacother do you do before it turns physical? How easy is it to discuss the attractiveness to each other? Is it different having an affair with someone is is married or single? Are married people more eager or more reluctant to start an affair?
If we are takling about you, I think the the fact that you have to ask means the seed of something more than friends has already been planted. Anything is possible, so yes it is possible for married women and men to be friends. But again the tone of your email already suggests being attracted, discussing this attraction and whether or not to act on it.

More eager to have an affair doesn't really matter whether the other person is single or married but rather how you feel about that person and your own willingness or desire to go outside of your own marriage. I think their is an underlying notion that when both people are married the risk is equal and each of you have just as much to loose and there for feel a but more safe to have the affair.

In the end you have to ask yourself is it worth loosing your marriage over. If you say no, then you have to take steps and precautions with this friendship to not let it cross into unsafe territory.
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Old 23rd February 2006, 5:39 PM   #8
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Can a married man and a married woman be just friends?

yes, if their ultimate goal is to remain just friends and they work hard to keep it that way

If there is an attraction, how much talking or emailing with each other do you do before it turns physical?

depends on what their intentions are. If they're interested in screwing, I'm guessing it wouldn't take much to go from friendship, to flirting, to a physical relationship.

How easy is it to discuss the attractiveness to each other?

again, it depends on what their intentions are. Coupled with what kinds of signs they're giving each other and how comfortable they feel crossing that line.

Is it different having an affair with someone is is married or single?
I think it's safe to say an affair is an affair is an affair. Someone is being cheated on in the end, and somewhere, there are lies being told to either cover up or to perpetuate the affair.

Are married people more eager or more reluctant to start an affair?

goes back to what their intention is and how comfortable they feel crossing the line. That's not to say that someone who is only interested in friendship who doesn't like the idea of screwing said friend can't slip up if they're impaired by booze, drugs or pure lust ... or want plain old revenge on someone related to that friendship.
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Old 24th February 2006, 10:24 AM   #9
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SuzieM, I had a similar question. Maybe you will find it interesting:
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t80181/
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Old 24th February 2006, 3:09 PM   #10
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If you notice almost all the posts if not all of them read, "Yes, but" or "Yes, if"

So the answer everyone is avoiding is, NO.
Yeah unfortunately, married or not we are all just Men and Women and with that comes "the possibility". The world is full of people with that story, "I didn't expect it to happen it just did", "He/she was just there for me when I needed them".

A very simple exercise that will help you answer a question of whether something is right or wrong, when your consciences for some reason fails.
Simply put your self in your H/W's shoes and them in yours. How would you feel if your H or W was doing what you know is wrong but are trying to justify it for your benefit.

The problem with the exercise I suggested is that you must be 100% honest with your self and people trying to justify actions they know are wrong usually can't be honest with themselves or others.

Please know that this is a general statement may apply to most but not all of people/situations. So if you don't think this applies to you try not to take offense, you must just be the exception to the rule.
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Old 25th February 2006, 1:20 PM   #11
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Of course they can be friends...with benefits. A ring doesn't mean a thing to other women.
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Old 25th February 2006, 1:27 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by DreOh6
Of course they can be friends...with benefits. A ring doesn't mean a thing to other women.
LOL

Glad to see someone with a sense of humor, these boards have been getting too serious lately.
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Old 25th February 2006, 1:32 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by SuzieM
Can a married man and a married woman be just friends?
Based on the responses, seems like we're discussing if they should, not if they can.
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Old 25th February 2006, 1:36 PM   #14
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Men and women can't be friends. Period.

Nobody wants to admit it, of course - especially those who "think" they have opposite sex friends (especially the ones who deep down have an attraction to thier "friends").

Can't be done. Period. And it especially can't be done - or attempted - by married people. It's a no-win situation. Either you're both going to be attracted to each other, or you'll be attracted to your friend, or your friend will want you. It always - always - happens.

The funny thing about it is that you can't even try to be friends with an UNattractive person ..... because the truth is that if you actually like them enough to be friends, you'll eventually start finding them attractive. Which is beautiful, in a way ... inner beauty really does become attraction.

But not such a good thing of you're married.

I realize the above isn't popular, and that it's a lot easier to pretend I'm wrong. But as someone above noted, if you're married you might want to at least be careful that I might be right.

For a much better - and much more detailed - explanation of why men and women can't be friends, go rent "When Harry Met Sally" and watch it a few dozen times. Harry Burns, a very smart man. And absolutely right.

Can't be done, kids. Not a chance. You may think you have opposite sex friends, but you don't.

Harry Burns knows all.

He also ends the movie with the single most romantic declaration of love ever uttered (and - irony of ironies - it's to Sally, the one woman he thought was actually "just a friend.")

Every married person on Earth contemplating a "friendship" with a member of the opposite sex should be forced to memorize that movie.

Last edited by Bob Dole; 25th February 2006 at 1:38 PM..
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Old 25th February 2006, 7:11 PM   #15
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hmm....let's see, if it were me, I really have no idea, I'd probably go do something immature and kick the dudes ass and leave my wife or get into marriage counseling, but that's what I would want to do, probably not what I should do. I agree 100%, it's playing with fire, and there is probably a 9 out of 10 chance that you WILL get burned. personally if I felt attracted to another married woman and she felt attracted to me and I was married, I would stop all contact and just forget that person existed, sure you can turn it into a fantasy, but that's as far as I'd go with that.
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