young marrige Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 The thing is that my wife is the best in having sex....but the problem is that its always the same. I try to spice it up and she just complains all the time ( i dont like that, i dont fell right doing that), mean while in the begining of the relationship. she was pretty much down for more than being on her back. Im hurting because i like to have sex and do diffrent things, im young and very courious. i some time think about this girl who is 3 years older then me (at work) and all the things she would do. i know its wrong and im married........but with all the wrong things my wife is doing its makeing it alot easy-er to forget. Need some help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
Presario Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 The thing is that my wife is the best in having sex....but the problem is that its always the same. I try to spice it up and she just complains all the time ( i dont like that, i dont fell right doing that), mean while in the begining of the relationship. she was pretty much down for more than being on her back. Have you spoken to her about this? Maybe she fears that you will find her dirty if she does what you want. On the other hand, I understand that you want to explore, but such experiments simply may be repulsive to your wife. My wife doesn't want to experiment much in bed, and now I can live with this. She might be as uncomfortable with other positions as I might be with having homosexual anal sex. Yuck! BTW, there are people who would envy you that you have sex. Some don't have any at all. Im hurting because i like to have sex and do diffrent things, im young and very courious. i some time think about this girl who is 3 years older then me (at work) and all the things she would do. i know its wrong and im married........but with all the wrong things my wife is doing its makeing it alot easy-er to forget. Need some help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1:confused: I guess it's normal to think about other women - we are designed to be attracted to them. I enjoy looking at other women beside my wife, and I don't think it's wrong. The problem is whether you are thinking about an affair. If so, then it's your choice, but be ready for a divorce. Plus, you never now that the other lady at work wants you or would satisfy your couriousness. She may be a lesbian! Best, Presario Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 You need to communicate HOW it makes you feel when your wife doesn't experiment abit in bed. Maybe she has issues about sex you don't know about, maybe something in her past or childhood. If things don't go as you want them to go I do hope that you stick with your wife. Atleast you're getting laid and she loves you!! Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side of the fence. Don't be tempted. The hot chick will have as many hang ups about something or other, no one is perfect. Talk to your wife, it really does work, sometimes. Look to your wifes positive points as well, don't just focus on one thing. Be gentle and understanding with her, ask her why she has difficulty in experimenting in bed, that should be easy for you to do if you love her. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Other thing to keep in mind is what you're asking your wife to do. Since you didn't go into detail... I've been asked by partners to do some positions that are painful. I'm sorry but not all women are so stretchy that our legs will fold behind our heads for extended periods of time without causing discomfort. Or fold at all, depending on the woman. An ex wanted to experiment with out door sex, but I (of course) was the one with the sharp rocks and twigs digging into my azz, while he had a nice cushy body between him and the ground. Some men are more... uh.. endowed then I can comfortably handle in some positions. It hurts. I don't like it. I feel like someone's jamming a broom up me and poking my lungs with it. Lets just say I don't enjoy it. If you know there is something that you can change to make it more comfortable for your wife, she's more likely to want to do it. Most importantly, if you can excite your wife by the prospect, then she'll willingly participate in enhancing your sex life. You need to get your wife's imagination going again. She's probably as bored as you are, but now she's stuck in a rut. Marriage tends to take the spark out of the sex life. Maybe if you asked her what sorts of fantasy's she has, what gets her excited? Is there anything she'd like to try. Try writing an erotic story together. Or read erotic lit together. They've got some interesting books for women to show that sexual fantasy is healthy and normal. (I know a lot of women who still think it's wrong to have, or admit to, fantazing) If you get negative responses about her fantasy's on the first attempt, don't quit. Keep asking. Be open, and accepting. Share yours, but don't pressure her to be involved. Also, when's the last time you did something special for her without the thought of getting sex out of it? Give her a back massage and letting her sleep afterward. I got really bitter in my marriage because any tiny thing my ex did seemed geared toward getting sex. If he gave me a back massage it immediately turned into him pressuring me for sex. He never just gave something. Theres was always the expectation of something in return. My bf and I have a slightly weird relationship but it works for us... We'll describe in detail some kinky, weird sexual act while having sex in some boring missionary position. I don't feel comfotable being tied to the bed or soemthing like that, but I can describe to him how it would be. Maybe your wife could help in that way? Become more verbal in bed, even without the truly raunchy stuff its still exciting. It took me a long time to get more vocal. Long time... I didn't like the disrespect I thought was involved in it, but realized it didn't need to be vulgar or disrespectful toward me in order to be effective. Took a lot of coaching on my bf part, a lot of reassurance, and support from him. But I think well worth the effort. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 You and wife need some marriage counseling to work on better communicating so you can let each other know what your likes and dislikes are!! Communication is the key to a marriage without that you basically might be alone!! Get a book about ways to spice up a marriage and give it to your wife and go from there!! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 A couple of posters have suggested that you should be happy because 'at least you're getting sex'. I don't agree with this. Boring sex isn't much better than masturbation. You and your wife both deserve to enjoy your sex life. Be prepared to do as much for her as she does for you, though. First, talk to her seriously. Don't approach it from the point of view "Why won't you do what I want". Rather, ask her what you could be doing for her to make sex more exciting. Then you can gently suggest some things that she might consider doing for you. The fact is that you won't both be turned on by all the same things. But you can each be giving to the other and participate in each other's fantasies. Just be realistic and don't expect her to do something that she finds painful or repulsive. You should both find that you can enjoy doing things that the other finds pleasurable, and that it will enhance both your marriage and your sex life! Link to post Share on other sites
Babylonia Beaune Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 First of all, be very patient and sweet: you have a problem and you must try to solve it. Love her and realize that marriage is great because people stay together and work out problems and don't dump each other for something easier. Single people who stay single almost always are doing that... (and staying single). On the other hand, don't let her treat your needs as trivial. Your needs and desires are not trivial. Talk to her and let her know how serious you regard this. Get her to talk. Work out compromises. Often, once a woman tries something she will "get into it." Be sure to caress and pamper her emotional needs (someday, she may do the same for you). Maybe an oily massage will make her feel good... I hope things work out for you... They don't always... and then you'll have to weigh your desires and fantasies against the reality of what you're getting from her... It's all very complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
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