delbert Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 my best friend flirts with my wife and generaly to friendly wilst under the influence of alcohol.for example he kept on huging her last saturday wilst we were at a party together and he was with his girlfriend soon to be his wife what should i do or say Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Tell him, one-on-one, to get his paws off her. Tell her that you're not comfortable with her hugging him back. (If she's a flirter, then that may be part of the problem.) Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Just when he's on the booze? In a friendly, joking manner? If so, I don't think you should be bothered. But maybe tell both of them it makes you uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Tell him that you are not comfortable with him repeatedly hugging your wife and his continued flirting with her. Ask him what he thinks would be a good solution to your discomfort. If he suggests everything is innocent and that you are over-reacting then discard him like the trash, your marriage is more important. Real friends take into account the impact of their behavior on their friends and should be supportive of your relationship with your wife not sewing seeds of discontent and insecurity. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Being on the other end of this crap I can tell you if your wife is not complaining to you then she is contributing to these flirtations. I choose not to make a scene at gatherings, however I will express my unhappiness about the over zealous friends or business associates to my husband ASAP! In some situations your wife may be like me and not want to cause a scene or upset a friendship, realizing that when alcohol is involved people may step out of bounds. She should be expressing her dislike to you over too much inappropriate attention, or good chance she is enabling your friends bad behavior by showing receptive signs to your friend.???? Either way it is disrespect toward you IMHO. You need to have a calm chat with both parties. ------ I got so pissed at Hs friend staring at my breasts in front of my husband I stuffed socks in my bra and sat down at the table with all of them and said "there, now you got something worth staring at!", I did it in a joking manner.......but it made the point! Keep in mind my husband is oblivious to his friends poor behavior unless it is pointed out to him to observe it himself. He is also the kinda guy that does not want to make waves. a4a Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Ditch friend! He'll never change. He wants what you have. Or clock the bastard the next time he is over stepping his bounds. Trust me. No good can come of this. And if wife is flirty back, it's even worse. Stop it now!!! What ever you have to do. It won't lead anywhere good. You'll be saving both you and your wife from trouble down the road. What happens if the two of you start having problems in your marriage. Suddenly this guy friend, who she feels comfortable with, is telling her all those things she wants to hear. Pretty, attractive, special.. etc. You're setting the both of you up for a nasty situation if you let this continue. He's not your friend if he's too friendly with your wife. He'll cut your throat in an instant if he has the chance. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Walk I think you are right! A real friend would never cross the line with a SO of a friend. It is an envy thing between "friends" also some weird power struggle.?????? Also mentioned was "planting the seeds of discontent". Wondering if this is done on purpose by friends to take the attention away from the SO and put it back onto the friendship.??? ----- this is making my head hurt.....LMAO! a4a Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Booze is not an excuse to start pawing at someone. Single or marriage, ya don't just DO that to people...It's a complete invasion of personal space. Now, did your wife tell him to stop? I would say something to her too, because if she wasn't pushing him away she is sort of encouraged him by not telling him to stop. Either way now you gotta tell him to lay off. I'm sure there's no intention of anything, meaning he isn't pursuing her for an affair, but the lines are being crossed. How does his girlfriend feel about what he's done? Has she noticed? Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Now, did your wife tell him to stop? I would say something to her too, because if she wasn't pushing him away she is sort of encouraged him by not telling him to stop. Ding! Ding! Nail on head!!! Wheter or not you want to believe it, this isn't so innocent. Woman who flirts with other man, or returns the man's attention, is a candidate for straying. Please... from experience. Address this now. Get ride of the friend, or at least don't see him as much, and without the wife. Then figure out what is lacking in your marriage for her to seek outside validation for who she is. Something isn't right, and it's still early enough you can fix it. Maybe you're not giving her the compliments and attention she wants and needs. Maybe she doesn't feel like she's very special to you. (All maybe's.) But honestly, people who are completely content with their SO, don't flirt, hug, or get too close to other men. Take some advice, and look deeper into this then just the friend overstepping his bounds. Link to post Share on other sites
mini696 Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Some people cant get enough validation. But if it is a worry for you then you must talk to both of them. Tell your wife that you would like to see her push him away. Tell him you are pissed and will punch him out if he continues to do it. I agree with the above posts. your friend wants what you have. My ex used to do similar things with her friends, I couldnt handle it and her opinion was if I cant then I shouldnt be with her... So I'm not (among other reasons too). Link to post Share on other sites
Baldy Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Been there and got the t-shirt. I had a best friend who did the very same thing with my girlfriend. Also when we were both single he was always trying to hit on my ex-girlfriends and also people he knew I liked. In the end I confronted him and basically told him that I thought is was a shi**y thing to do, no real friend would do such a thing, he reminded me of a leech and to finish it off I threatened to rip his head off the next time I caught him doing it. Yeah it was an uncomfortable conversation but it worked. He stopped doing it!! Some people are like that. They don't think what there actions can do and alot of the time it acrually ends up being some sort of weired envy/jealous thing going on Talk to him... and her!!! Link to post Share on other sites
JBry Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 The evils of alcohol,try to stay away from it for awhile(3 months) maybe.see what happens,it should be positive. Link to post Share on other sites
Tristram Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 If she is being flirtatious back, put a end to it now! You do not want to go down this road. Get rid of him completly and explain to her why you did and that her behavior is completly unacceptable. This is how the "I was drunk" cheating happens. Link to post Share on other sites
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