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I want to fight for my wife.... But don't know how


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 23rd January 2018, 8:50 PM   #46
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Hey! Thanks for sharing your story here! It is good that you are starting to make some decisions to move forward and that you are getting support from a therapist as well! You have been given some good ideas in here! Whatever you decide to do, do not let other people choose how you should live your life! Take care of yourself and your son and let your wife make her own choices. If you do think that she is going through depression or some kind of condition, maybe you can suggest that she sees a therapist as well! Above all, take control of your life! Find a job, set some boundaries and find people that you can trust! I pray that you find company and strength around you as much as you have found here! Move forward my friend!
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Old 23rd January 2018, 9:17 PM   #47
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You need to talk to a lawyer so you know your rights. She will owe you child support as well as spousal support as a stay at home dad. Her new found sexuality will leave her in the poorhouse. You are the main caregiver to your son so most likely you will continue and she will only get him part time. You are in a much stronger position then you think. Please talk to a lawyer.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 9:50 PM   #48
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your wife met someone randomly online and went to hotel room with him?
she seems to be ......
or I m feeling your marriage already had some problems,
do u ever feel lacking real communication during the last few years ,
or you both just care about work, daily life, kids etc....no exciting romantic fun ?

sometimes a woman ,especially she stays home all day , when she feels the marriage is only about cooking, washing, kids etc, she feel she is buried, she wants to find something to break this.

then she actually knows she is wrong, but she also desperately needs such kind of "break",....

if she is a wise woman she will seek such "break"from elsewhere, or find a counselor, or just do random chat online with men but no real action.

we r all human.
nobody is perfect.
I m not standing by her side, just trying to understand what's wrong.......
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Old 23rd January 2018, 9:59 PM   #49
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I need to get out of here. Dunno what about my son. Hurts so bad to be around her... She is so ****ing cold. I think she dumped me , that is it. But for some sick reason she keeps me around. Telling me I can stay forever.... Wtf is going on
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Old 23rd January 2018, 10:07 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by unit1 View Post
your wife met someone randomly online and went to hotel room with him?
she seems to be ......
or I m feeling your marriage already had some problems,
do u ever feel lacking real communication during the last few years ,
or you both just care about work, daily life, kids etc....no exciting romantic fun ?

sometimes a woman ,especially she stays home all day , when she feels the marriage is only about cooking, washing, kids etc, she feel she is buried, she wants to find something to break this.

then she actually knows she is wrong, but she also desperately needs such kind of "break",....

if she is a wise woman she will seek such "break"from elsewhere, or find a counselor, or just do random chat online with men but no real action.

we r all human.
nobody is perfect.
I m not standing by her side, just trying to understand what's wrong.......
Dunno how she found him. She never went out alone. Yes our marriage was not all fun and games and yes she might have missed something. She is also depressive. But in no way that I would see this coming. I mean we never had a talk or anything that would have indicated this. She left one day and back came a monster. Since then she did everything to hurt me and treat me like some stray dog. It's like every spark of love, compassion and empathy is gone.....
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Old 23rd January 2018, 10:08 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by Lostsoul2515 View Post
I need to get out of here. Dunno what about my son. Hurts so bad to be around her... She is so ****ing cold. I think she dumped me , that is it. But for some sick reason she keeps me around. Telling me I can stay forever.... Wtf is going on
Then she becomes the woman u don't know who she is now ......
what is her education background?
she seems like a silly young woman?
the new man catches her heart .
but I have a gut feeling their relationship won't last longer.....
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Old 23rd January 2018, 10:46 PM   #52
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Then she becomes the woman u don't know who she is now ......
what is her education background?
she seems like a silly young woman?
the new man catches her heart .
but I have a gut feeling their relationship won't last longer.....
She didn't went to college. She is 44 years old. He childhood was a mess. Dad was a drinker, mom is a Xanax addict. Ex Husband was mentally abusive as far as I know. Our relationship was like a fairytale, so I thought.....

If you guys would seen her before and now... She never was a cruel or hateful person. Right now she would scare satan. It is like she never knew me, like she instantly forgot all we had and all I went through for her and with her. I was there in her darkest times when she almost couldn't take the pain anymore (son was abducted by his father),no one came to help her or hold her, just me.... It always felt like this special bond when two souls become one..... It is so unreal....
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Old 23rd January 2018, 10:52 PM   #53
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Originally Posted by Lostsoul2515 View Post
She didn't went to college. She is 44 years old. He childhood was a mess. Dad was a drinker, mom is a Xanax addict. Ex Husband was mentally abusive as far as I know. Our relationship was like a fairytale, so I thought.....

If you guys would seen her before and now... She never was a cruel or hateful person. Right now she would scare satan. It is like she never knew me, like she instantly forgot all we had and all I went through for her and with her. I was there in her darkest times when she almost couldn't take the pain anymore (son was abducted by his father),no one came to help her or hold her, just me.... It always felt like this special bond when two souls become one..... It is so unreal....
I see.....
u were her real father to hold her, the lover to nurture her.....
then now she is growing into "adult", the "inner child"is growing, but not totally grown up yet, so she is in her psychological puberty, so she made an affair with a new man.

this bond is mostly only for you, u have the heroism character,
I did the same before, the partner got it from me, and left .
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Old 23rd January 2018, 11:46 PM   #54
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I see.....
u were her real father to hold her, the lover to nurture her.....
then now she is growing into "adult", the "inner child"is growing, but not totally grown up yet, so she is in her psychological puberty, so she made an affair with a new man.

this bond is mostly only for you, u have the heroism character,
I did the same before, the partner got it from me, and left .
Yeah, this isn't about him. Nothing he did caused her to be unfaithful.

The problem is, like most betrayed spouses he is blind to who she REALLY is. He has this romanticized view of who he wanted her to be. Now, he needs to see her for who she is. Again it's not about his flaws, he feels bad enough without people blaming him even in a back handed way.
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Old 24th January 2018, 12:30 AM   #55
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She never was a cruel or hateful person. Right now she would scare satan. It is like she never knew me,....
The inner monster is awaken......
her life was terrible when she was child and etc, this inner monster was always there , the hatred the anger ,the revenge......she feels the whole world owes her something.
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Old 24th January 2018, 12:47 AM   #56
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She wants the freedom to do what she wants while you
sit at home raising your son, not only does she not want
you but she doesn't want the responsibility of raising your son.
You caught her in the early stages of her romance and she
was not prepared to make any changes yet, she doesn't know
where she stands with her new relationship yet, he may dump her.

Don't be her safety net, it's all or nothing! Right now!
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Old 24th January 2018, 1:03 AM   #57
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Is the boy your son or stepson? If it is your stepson then there isn't really anything holding you back. Just leave. The longer you stay the more abuse you are in for. I don't understand standing in the line of fire when nothing is holding you back. I do wish you well.
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Old 24th January 2018, 1:24 AM   #58
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I see all the others giving you sage advice, but you don't want to take it at this stage. I think that is typical but I wish there were a way to make you see.

Maybe it is easier for women to see this than men. But the bottom line is what everyone else has said - respect. She has to respect you, and she does not now. While you beg and plead, you go down on the 'respect' scale for her.

You need to Man up. Suck it up. You have no choice. You are being given no choice, so if you want a chance again with your wife (while I don't know why you would) then you NEED to act like a man. Not cry and whine. But be strong, act like you don't need her (like SHE is doing!), and proceed to move on with your life. The Pick Me dance will not work. Please believe the experienced people here. You posted here for a reason .... now please hear all of that advice.
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Old 24th January 2018, 1:38 AM   #59
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U don't want to leave, cos u love her deeply, u leave your own country behind for her, and u still want to "save"her .....

If u can tame this "monster" of her, then stay.
if u cant, then keep a distance, keep yourself safe for the first,
and u need to learn something new , new knowledge soon.
cos she/the "monster"is going to make new mess/drama soon.....

I feel her new man is same type as she, a "male monster", they have things in common, and they feel very connected right now.
but soon, they both will run out of the battery,
she will come to beg u for financial or whatever help again.....

u need to be strong, and learn new knowledge to face that.

u have done your part as a hero, and that part is no regret, u did the right thing.
but if someone turn around and become a betrayed snake, u don't need to be the victim, either.
usually a heroism character would die for the person, we just want to sacrifice,
but it is not wise........
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Old 24th January 2018, 7:53 AM   #60
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unit1 View Post
your wife met someone randomly online and went to hotel room with him?
she seems to be ......
or I m feeling your marriage already had some problems,
do u ever feel lacking real communication during the last few years ,
or you both just care about work, daily life, kids etc....no exciting romantic fun ?

sometimes a woman ,especially she stays home all day , when she feels the marriage is only about cooking, washing, kids etc, she feel she is buried, she wants to find something to break this.

then she actually knows she is wrong, but she also desperately needs such kind of "break",....

if she is a wise woman she will seek such "break"from elsewhere, or find a counselor, or just do random chat online with men but no real action.

we r all human.
nobody is perfect.
I m not standing by her side, just trying to understand what's wrong.......
Fiddlesticks.

At some point, one has to grow up and be an adult. She had choices here, and she made the one to cheat. That is 100 percent on her.
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"“there’s no better system than our own morality, not law, not science, not religion… just decency.”-R.M.
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