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Husband got another woman pregnant?


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Old 22nd January 2018, 7:52 PM   #46
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One thing I throw around a lot that people tend to forget is that humans are animals. Who procreated the most - those with strong morals and one partner (maybe who had fertility issues), or those with strong biological desires, looser morals, and had as many partners as they could get their hands on?

Maybe it's 50/50, but in large part, the cheaters helped populate this earth. So it would be nice to condemn them all, but they are people's fathers, mothers, sons, cousins, etc. It's biology, it's part of how the species continued. So it's completely up to you what you okay as far as that; society's pretty rigid on it, but you don't have to be.

However, I do think Burnt's comments are good ones. I too am very open-minded. Extremely open-minded. I have realized that there is a difference in being open minded (what I'll let other people get away with in their own lives and shrug at) and having boundaries (what I let people do to me).

So I think if you really analyze how this makes you feel. What parts of it make you unhappy, make you feel like less? How can you use that knowledge to make boundaries to keep yourself and your family safe? Also... if you have daughters... would you want this relationship for them? Because they are learning from you and your reactions how relationships with men should be, and what is acceptable.

Best of luck. Curious to see how things turn out for you. Kudos to you for having such a kind and understanding heart, and hope everything works out for the best, whatever your decisions are.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 12:57 PM   #47
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I would let him go and find someone who only wants to sleep with you. Find that true love your parents have. You don't need to settle for someone who was unwilling to stop having sex for 2 months. That is really ridiculous.
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Old 23rd January 2018, 1:01 PM   #48
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Who procreated the most - those with strong morals and one partner (maybe who had fertility issues), or those with strong biological desires, looser morals, and had as many partners as they could get their hands on?

I bet I could give the latter a serious run for their money in the procreation department.
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Old 24th January 2018, 4:53 AM   #49
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One thing I throw around a lot that people tend to forget is that humans are animals.
but in large part, the cheaters helped populate this earth. So it would be nice to condemn them all, but they are people's fathers, mothers, sons, cousins, etc. It's biology, it's part of how the species continued. So it's completely up to you what you okay as far as that; society's pretty rigid on it, but you don't have to be.

.
Sad .....and sad......
so in future, this planet will be mostly cheaters and cheaters' species?
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Old 26th January 2018, 9:24 PM   #50
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Sad .....and sad......
so in future, this planet will be mostly cheaters and cheaters' species?
Nah maybe it's not as bleak as all that. The less the behavior is tolerated, the less it will happen. And very many people truly are monogamous for all or most of their lives.

There's a really good TED talk on people and monogamy. Really it's like any other biological urge - we have the urge to urinate, but most of us don't pee in the street. We have the urge to protect our territory, but most of us don't shoot our pushy, boundary-toeing neighbors.
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Old 26th January 2018, 10:10 PM   #51
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It is a lot to throw away, but she would be welcome to have him, in my humble opinion... He made his decision about the marriage when he decided to have sex and then continue an affair with another woman. There would not even have had to be a pregnancy for me to ask him to leave. Quite honestly, I would never tolerate an ongoing affair between my husband and another woman, especially an escort who puts my health at risk - no way!
So the reason, or a primary reason at least, for you staying with him is so the girlfriend can't have him? Now that's sad.
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Old 27th January 2018, 12:51 AM   #52
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So the reason, or a primary reason at least, for you staying with him is so the girlfriend can't have him? Now that's sad.
How did you get that from my post? I think you misread what I wrote.

What I said was, regardless of the pregnancy... this guy would be out of my life, no questions asked. He could be in her bed tonight and I would not think about them for another second of my life...

I expect more from my husband. I will settle for nothing less than a faithful man and a monogamous relationship. I will not tolerate infidelity.

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Old 27th January 2018, 3:38 AM   #53
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I say: if he's in love with that girl, let him go. He'd be staying for you just for the children.

But if he's not convinced of spending his life with her (marriage requires sacrifice and she might not be that person), see what the DNA test says: if the baby is his, he can register as the father, and you both will provide a monthly check, and assure regular visits. You'd also have to talk to your children, saying they have a brother or sister. That should happen only after the baby is born.

You'll have to get it out in the open, because you don't want to damage the child who has no fault in all of this. And you don't want to deprive your children of the relationship with a half brother/sister. Many children who got to know the truth later on in life developed very negative feelings, and strong judgment for not being able to be in touch with that half brother or sister. So make sure you avoid that. It's better that your children live in a loving environment than in a hateful one.
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Old 27th January 2018, 5:13 AM   #54
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Nah maybe it's not as bleak as all that. The less the behavior is tolerated, the less it will happen. And very many people truly are monogamous for all or most of their lives.

There's a really good TED talk on people and monogamy. Really it's like any other biological urge - we have the urge to urinate, but most of us don't pee in the street. We have the urge to protect our territory, but most of us don't shoot our pushy, boundary-toeing neighbors.
Do u remember the title of talk , or the link?
that is great to hear.....
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Old 27th January 2018, 5:19 AM   #55
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I'm not understanding the backlash aimed at the husband. She told him to find sex elsewhere and he did. Now, it's irresponsible of him to get someone pregnant, but it's a lifestyle choice they made. I'm not sure the leave him stuff is accurate as far as the involvement with the other woman goes... leaving because he got her pregnant, maybe.
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Old 27th January 2018, 9:46 AM   #56
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I'm not understanding the backlash aimed at the husband. She told him to find sex elsewhere and he did. Now, it's irresponsible of him to get someone pregnant, but it's a lifestyle choice they made. I'm not sure the leave him stuff is accurate as far as the involvement with the other woman goes... leaving because he got her pregnant, maybe.
Good point. I personally, would never have agreed to this arrangement. But, that's beside the point. OP has agreed to this arrangement and it seems, it's been acceptable to her for a long time. So now, with the changed circumstance, she needs to decide if she still wants to continue with this arrangement, or not. This arrangement may have worked well for them, until it didn't. OP always has the right to change her mind. I'm curious to know what she decides.
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Old 27th January 2018, 11:38 PM   #57
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I'm curious to know what she decides.
OP hasn't been back since the first day she posted a week ago...

Mr. Lucky
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Old 28th January 2018, 12:31 PM   #58
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How did you get that from my post? I think you misread what I wrote.

What I said was, regardless of the pregnancy... this guy would be out of my life, no questions asked. He could be in her bed tonight and I would not think about them for another second of my life...

I expect more from my husband. I will settle for nothing less than a faithful man and a monogamous relationship. I will not tolerate infidelity.
Oh I'm sorry! I meant to quote the OP. Accidentally quoted you. I don't know how you could attribute that to your post bc it seems completely off topic.

The OO has written that if she divorced him then he'd be ok with divorce bc the other woman liked him and he'd go be with her and that she didn't want that. Something along those lines. Again sorry- not meant for you.
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Old 28th January 2018, 1:04 PM   #59
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Oh I'm sorry! I meant to quote the OP. Accidentally quoted you. I don't know how you could attribute that to your post bc it seems completely off topic.

The OO has written that if she divorced him then he'd be ok with divorce bc the other woman liked him and he'd go be with her and that she didn't want that. Something along those lines. Again sorry- not meant for you.
No worries. Your point is well taken.
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Old 28th January 2018, 6:43 PM   #60
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I'm not understanding the backlash aimed at the husband. She told him to find sex elsewhere and he did. Now, it's irresponsible of him to get someone pregnant, but it's a lifestyle choice they made. I'm not sure the leave him stuff is accurate as far as the involvement with the other woman goes... leaving because he got her pregnant, maybe.
I think the unprotected sex evokes a visceral response. This man had a wife and family. He got a hall pass. All he had to do was not get emotionally involved and use reliable STI/pregnancy prevention. What does he do? Get someone else pregnant. When someone fails to do the barest of bare minimum after getting special treatment (most marrieds are expected to be monogamous), people get irked.
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