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Husband got another woman pregnant?


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Old 20th January 2018, 5:01 PM   #1
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Husband got another woman pregnant?

Hi, where to start this.

We've been married for 12 years and together for 16 years, I'm 37 (next month) and he is 43. We have two daughters 11 and 4. We're a very happy family I think and he constantly reassures me he loves me more than anything.

He's always had a very high sex drive and when I had my last pregnancy we had no sex for about 2 months I could see it was getting to him he was agitated/frustrated. I agreed it'll be ok if he wants to see an escort as long as he always uses condoms, so he did. When we started having sex again he stopped seeing her for a while before he started seeing her again.

He stopped seeing her when she found a boyfriend for half a year or so. Then she started escorting again while her boyfriend didn't know which caused some issues when he found out. My husband continued seeing her for over 4 years now.

Then just after new year he confessed to me she told him she's pregnant, its probably his and she wants to keep it! I went really mad at him!! A few days later I met with her face to face just me and her lets just say we had a heart to heart talk just me and her. I was surprised at how beautiful she is. I found out some truths: that they only ever used a condom on their first ever meet and she only ever does that with him no one else - or so she says, she used to give him a 20/25% discount to see her again which then changed to 50% a couple of years ago.

During our talk she mentioned she's an orphan she has no parents. She's 24 and has been an escort and stripper since she was 18. She found out she was pregnant when she went to get her implanon replaced. She seems very confident the baby is probably his she explained that all other men used condoms and she's more than happy to go for a DNA test. She apparently did go for an abortion but when she got there she couldn't go through with it. She thinks she's 16 weeks pregnant which it clearly shows she's very athletic looking.

I'm normally a very open minded person but this is so upsetting for me its putting our marriage at breaking point now. He says he don't but I can tell he really loves her, and I can tell she is just a gold digger. I could divorce him but I feel she will take him. I love him more than anything, other than our daughters. I don't want to leave him but I do.

I just have to put this out there as I have no one to talk to about this, I mean all my family/friends would automatically say for me to leave him simple as that. Any words of wisdom appreciated though.
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:11 PM   #2
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first, get yourself tested for std's. condoms don't protect completely against things like syphilis. That's a lovely std. You can have it for years and not know it, until it settles into your brain and nervous system, by which point there is nothing much you can do.

Second, unless you are fine with him sleeping around behind your back, dump him. High sex drive my @ss. That doesn't give him the right to put your health, and that of your children at risk.

Lots of men have a high sex drive. They don't go sleeping with prostitutes without a condom. You gave him a free pass,and he still couldn't keep the bargain. What else is he lying to you about?
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:15 PM   #3
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I just donít know what to tell you.

Once something like that is started it on a life of its own.

If you want to stay with him you have to decide if you can get past what has happened.

I am so sorry this has happened.
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:16 PM   #4
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Oops... This is bad news.

I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how you are feeling, with the thought that you may have to end/lose your marriage.

Unfortunately, this is the consequence of the decision to enable him to seek sex from another woman. You opened yourself and your marriage to a world of possibilities, including STD's, unplanned pregnancy, and the possibility that he may fall in love with another woman.

I'm not saying this to be unkind, it's just the sad reality of the decision. Two months is not a long time to wait for sex after the birth of HIS child... And yet, by opening your marriage and allowing him to continue an ongoing affair with another woman, you have opened a Pandora's box of unwanted consequences.

If only we could turn back the hands of time...
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:16 PM   #5
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Leave him. Simple as that.
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:25 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by wmacbride View Post
first, get yourself tested for std's. condoms don't protect completely against things like syphilis. That's a lovely std. You can have it for years and not know it, until it settles into your brain and nervous system, by which point there is nothing much you can do.
I've actually got an appointment booked for in a couple of days just to make sure I'm clean. When I met her we talked about all this, she showed me her text messages from a local health clinic to show me she was checked up every 1-3 months, the texts were over two years of backlogs she never caught anything in that time.
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:27 PM   #7
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I've actually got an appointment booked for in a couple of days just to make sure I'm clean. When I met her we talked about all this, she showed me her text messages from a local health clinic to show me she was checked up every 1-3 months, the texts were over two years of backlogs she never caught anything in that time.
Good for you! Your husband was engaging in high risk sexual activity, putting your health at risk without your knowledge or consent. You need to be sure that you are safe.
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:34 PM   #8
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Leave him. Simple as that.
It just annoys me so much that, I think, he would be fine if we divorced, as the vibe I got from her was she very much likes him so he would just move in with her. Its so annoying that he would settle for a woman like her of what she does, and after so many lovely shared experiences we have had together. Its a lot to just throw away even for both of us.
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:37 PM   #9
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It just annoys me so much that, I think, he would be fine if we divorced, as the vibe I got from her was she very much likes him so he would just move in with her. Its so annoying that he would settle for a woman like her of what she does, and after so many lovely shared experiences we have had together. Its a lot to just throw away even for both of us.

It is a lot to throw away, but she would be welcome to have him, in my humble opinion... He made his decision about the marriage when he decided to have sex and then continue an affair with another woman. There would not even have had to be a pregnancy for me to ask him to leave. Quite honestly, I would never tolerate an ongoing affair between my husband and another woman, especially an escort who puts my health at risk - no way!

Last edited by BaileyB; 20th January 2018 at 5:39 PM..
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:42 PM   #10
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You have to seriously question the judgment of a man who is willing to have unprotected sex with a prostitute!
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:44 PM   #11
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You have to seriously question the judgment of a man who is willing to have unprotected sex with a prostitute!
As well as needing sex so badly that 2 months without it, during a pregnancy, is such a hardship......
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:46 PM   #12
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Quite honestly, I would never tolerate an ongoing affair between my husband and another woman, especially an escort who puts my health at risk - no way!
I agree. I have to ask, OP, how much do you REALLY love your husband to be OK with him sleeping with someone else? Do you love your "life" and don't want to rock that boat, or do you love HIM?
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:46 PM   #13
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Indeed, I'm trying to wrap my mind around this... I can appreciate that he was missing sex, but your body was recovering from the birth of his child. How does this solution even occur to you? I'm just curious, how does the idea of going to an escort even come up in conversation...
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:47 PM   #14
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So you were in a one sided open marriage...because 2 mo months without sex was too much.

It's ridiculous. He doesn't understand the meaning or commitment involved in marriage.

I'd divorce him. Total selfish bas***d.

Never set the bar so low. He's not a worthy husband. Would you like your daughters to marry a man like him? Would he?
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Old 20th January 2018, 5:49 PM   #15
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Indeed, I'm trying to wrap my mind around this... I can appreciate that he was missing sex, but your body was recovering from the birth of his child. How does this solution even occur to you? I'm just curious, how does the idea of going to an escort even come up in conversation...
I'll hazard a guess that it was his idea and he pressured the OP into it! (I could be wrong of course).
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