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How to Feel About Wife Sleeping on Co-Workers Couch After Drinking


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 16th January 2018, 6:26 PM   #46
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I looked at the other thread, and it kinda makes me wonder if she just wants what she wants (or who) and feels some entitlement about it. A married woman doesn't just get drunk and sleep over at a male co-worker's apartment as if it's nothing... not to mention the irrational stuff about parking there, taking Uber to and fro. She could just as easily have taken an Uber home, or called you to pick her up.

I really hope it's nothing as far as any involvement with the co-worker, but if this were my wife, esp. given the history, I'd not be looking for ways to rationalize a rug-sweep of the whole episode.

At best it was a gross error in judgement that directly undermines trust. There are so many easy, obvious choices she could have made to avoid creating such doubt and appearances. Most people would simply not allow that to happen, for many reasons.

I really hope it's nothing more than terrible judgement. Nobody should have to be saddled with such doubts.
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Old 16th January 2018, 9:27 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by Theskyisgreennot View Post
divorce she is cheating. I would never allow that happen to me.
Okay, let's disregard this ridiculous advice and move to some more intelligent thinking.

My question is how long have you been together and is this a pattern of behavior or something out of the norm?
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Old 16th January 2018, 9:32 PM   #48
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Thank's all for the advice and thoughts. She knows my thoughts and does feel bad. Things have been a rocky as of late which just makes this a bit more of a catalyst to being upset.
So looking at your comment about "rocky of late" is she unhappy with you to the point where she might want to make you feel jealousy? This type of tactic doesn't necessarily mean she's banging the guy, particularly when you know where he lives. But it could be one of those "I need to get my husband's attention" games and this would be the perfect move on her part.
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Old 16th January 2018, 9:37 PM   #49
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questionable decisions leading up to some even more questionable damage control on her part for which there should be no reason if there had been nothing to worry about to begin with.
Why would his wife have to even tell him where she was at if she wanted to do this guy? She could have made up a dozen other stories if she was hiding the fact that she was screwing this guy. Doesn't make sense to me. My guess . . she's trying to get you to think and it's probably a jealously move. She wants to see if she can get you to notice her for some reason. Perhaps she doesn't think you notice her enough, or perhaps she feels overlooked or taken for granted. I've been around women who play games and this is right out of their playbook. And before the ladies start berating me, yes . . I'm aware that guys play games as well.
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Old 16th January 2018, 9:46 PM   #50
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Before I finished reading the first quote I said to myself: to hammered to drive but is home by 7 am that morning, on 3 hours
sleep. Makes me paranoid.

Also no need to go a his house and end up at his house.
She has a car. Makes it so much convenient to drive directly
to the bar then straight home.
Maybe she's a lightweight? Maybe "too hammered" for her is 4-5 drinks over 3-4 hours. There are a lot of variables here and a lot of people jumping to conclusions. OP obviously knows his wife and he's not jumping to all these irrational conclusions.
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Old 17th January 2018, 12:52 AM   #51
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Originally Posted by ICEMAN69 View Post
Maybe she's a lightweight? Maybe "too hammered" for her is 4-5 drinks over 3-4 hours. There are a lot of variables here and a lot of people jumping to conclusions. OP obviously knows his wife and he's not jumping to all these irrational conclusions.
Except he doesn't know that she was actually at his house. She could have been at her bosses house and he wouldn't know, right?

That and the fact that she had sex with another man a few years ago and lied to the OP about for years - and then the OP rewarded her bad behavior by marrying her not long after that incident...
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Old 17th January 2018, 12:59 AM   #52
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Hi Iceman, you may be absolutely correct in your assumptions and the conclusions you have drawn from them. However, I believe there is a previous thread by the OP ( sorry I have'nt read it-others have) where apparently his wife( then GF) separated from him so she could have a fling with another guy and then when it was over, came back to the OP, apologized and reconciled with him and they have now been married three years. Of course all this could be an innocent episode, but given the background and the fact that things have been rocky in their relationship, other, more insidious inferences can be drawn. Some posters have drawn attention to those inferences and it is up to the OP to take note of them and make what he can of them. After all it is his wife at the center of this matter and it his relationship which is on the line should any of the unpleasant inferences be true. Just a thought. Warm wishes.
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Old 17th January 2018, 2:11 PM   #53
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Hey all, so again thanks for the advice and thoughts on the issue.

A few more facts. She had invited me out earlier in the night, before being really drunk. I did also know in advance she was getting drinks with her whole department.

I think what she did was reckless and inconsiderate, but I am not or at least was not implying she cheated.

She's viewed, even though young and attractive as a mom in the office because she is always taking care of people. Her boss is the only person, just based on how often they work together I'd ever remotely suspect she could do anything with. Josh is not a name that comes up often but I have met him.

More details for you. She was home by seven in the morning, because she goes to volunteer every Saturday morning with children and changed then left. So an argument for her could be to not leave the car and Uber because she needed it in the morning.

I could be totally naive, but my biggest grievance was just putting herself in that situation

We have been married three years, together ten. Only one issue from a trust standpoint which ironically I posted about on here years ago and we moved past it.
Sorry to say this but everything above is meaningless.

There is a thread here where the wife (in her 40s) went to a seminar with a female colleague (her friend) and a early 20s intern. She got drunk and fed the heck out of the intern, had only met him a few times.

They had been married for years, never a problem between them. At times there is never a rhyme or reason for someone to cheat, it just happens. Your wife invited you to go, she probably wasnt planning on spending the night at her coworkers apt at that time either.

Steep away and look at this from the out side. There is no logical reason for her to have stayed at his apartment. None

She could have made it home one way or another.
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Old 17th January 2018, 2:48 PM   #54
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She hasn't been talking to anyone. She doesn't really text and doesn't hide her phone or anything like that.

For some commenting about drinking alone, she was with her company, so she wasn't alone but I understand what you mean.

Again, I know no one wants to accept their being cheated on, but that really was not my concern, just more that she is too trusting of other people in a situation like that and that she could have been taken advantage or worse.

She doesn't talk to this person outside work and is not close with him at work, unless she has somehow hidden that which I can't imagine because I know who she hangs out with, a lot of which are guys just based on the company.
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Old 17th January 2018, 2:49 PM   #55
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My opinion?

She cheated.

Not based on her actions per se, but the actions of Josh. Everybody is leaving out one very, very, important piece. They Ubered back to his place so she could get her car. Massive, massive, red flag. Why? They both knew she was too drunk to drive.

Why didn't Josh have the uber driver drop her off first at home...
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Old 17th January 2018, 2:50 PM   #56
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Except he doesn't know that she was actually at his house. She could have been at her bosses house and he wouldn't know, right?

That and the fact that she had sex with another man a few years ago and lied to the OP about for years - and then the OP rewarded her bad behavior by marrying her not long after that incident...
That would be more of a concern than sleeping with this guy. She just isn't close to him in anyway. I have complained before I think she makes herself to available for work and with her boss in particular who would be the only person I'd worry about.
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Old 17th January 2018, 2:52 PM   #57
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My opinion?

She cheated.

Not based on her actions per se, but the actions of Josh. Everybody is leaving out one very, very, important piece. They Ubered back to his place so she could get her car. Massive, massive, red flag. Why? They both knew she was too drunk to drive.

Why didn't Josh have the uber driver drop her off first at home...
I asked the same and she agreed it looks really bad, and she understands why someone would think she cheated.

I showed her this thread actually, just so she understands how this looks to others and the position she has put me in.
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Old 17th January 2018, 3:58 PM   #58
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You know her coworker is going to spread the word that she slept at his place. Wink wink.
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Old 17th January 2018, 4:01 PM   #59
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Originally Posted by b2121 View Post
She hasn't been talking to anyone. She doesn't really text and doesn't hide her phone or anything like that.

For some commenting about drinking alone, she was with her company, so she wasn't alone but I understand what you mean.

Again, I know no one wants to accept their being cheated on, but that really was not my concern, just more that she is too trusting of other people in a situation like that and that she could have been taken advantage or worse.

She doesn't talk to this person outside work and is not close with him at work, unless she has somehow hidden that which I can't imagine because I know who she hangs out with, a lot of which are guys just based on the company.
That just doesn't make sense. She was close enough to him to arrange parking at his house, taking an uber with him and sleeping there (if that's where she was).

I think it's you that's too trusting... after all - you stayed with her and married her even though she lied and covered up a few years ago.
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Old 17th January 2018, 4:04 PM   #60
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Are you kidding me with this...

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Originally Posted by igotoverit View Post
Maybe it was as simple as she wasn't done partying. The clubs and bars were closed, she was having a good time, she wanted a few more drinks. Marriages don't last because you put them on short leashes. It was probably harmless.
Are you kidding me with this... please say that you are.

That short lease that you are talking about is the one where you don't allow your wife to think she can do whatever she wants, and you really don't care.

It is foolish.

What you should have done is CALL HER ON THE PHONE AND ASKED WHERE SHE WAS AND GOTTEN THE ADDRESS. And then you should have gone and picked her up. And when you got there you should have barged in and checked the reactions. Who all were there. Was it just him and her?

What was the reaction of you bulling your way in the door? What did the bed room look like? Then you drag her out and read her the riot act. Then you take her phone and if you find anything at all suspicious, you pack her bags when you get home and uber her butt out of your house.

You sir were lazy and weak. You are the kind of man whose wives have affairs on them.

Odds are that she is sleeping with him.

I know, I know... Want to bet????
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