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husband owes me money...


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Old 13th January 2018, 11:49 PM   #1
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husband owes me money...

Hi, i have been married 3 years... before marriage I made a loan to my then boyfriend, for a very large amount of money... with promisary note and legal documents signed...

He was selling his real estate from previous marriage, and i was suppose to be paid back 6 months later... he sold his home, but didnt get what he expected... Fast forward.... I ask serveral times a year for a payback plan, its now to a point where i feel very angry and resentment...

I have again, clearly stated he needs to start paying back... he is now saying that i am wrong for asking... and that our marriage because of me asking is not as strong, and we are now talking divorce... what to do? I worked avout 8 years to save that much... he rather pretend the loan is not there...

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Old 13th January 2018, 11:56 PM   #2
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Talk to a lawyer asap. He's committing a fraud here and blaming you... Who knows what else he could do
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Old 14th January 2018, 12:04 AM   #3
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this is my husband... there is nothing else... its a loan from a few years ago... i am asking for a payment plan... he feels he should not have to pay back since we are married...
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Old 14th January 2018, 12:06 AM   #4
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Are your finances now combined or are they held in separate names?
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Old 14th January 2018, 12:51 AM   #5
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they are separate...I know he is hurting financially, but i felt my loan was just shoved to the side... I am now requesting a payment plan, giving him a few years to pay back... he throws in my face that i shouldnt be asking, and says our marriage is not strong, because i am demanding he start paying, hence maybe we should file for a divorce... i am a bit shocked ... since divorce was not what i wanted... but yes we are seperate finances, and pay household bills together. I do want my money back. it took years to save. its been a sore subject in our marriage when i do bring it up...Is it to much to ask for a payment plan?

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Old 14th January 2018, 2:31 AM   #6
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To be honest, it's kind of hard for me to advise, because I'm the kind who would have all joint accounts and each person's financial status becomes combined into one. So, I'm kind of guessing what I'd do.

Thing is, you can ask for a payment plan and there's no reason you shouldn't. But if he doesn't have the money or will to pay you, the only option would be to sue him. And suing your husband would most certainly land you in divorce courts.

To be honest, I don't see you getting your money unless you divorce and the payback comes from his settlement. If you've got no joint assets and he's got no money, he might go bankrupt and you'd lose everything anyway.

Best bet is to see a lawyer.
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Old 14th January 2018, 2:57 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mino View Post
Hi, i have been married 3 years... before marriage I made a loan to my then boyfriend, for a very large amount of money... with promisary note and legal documents signed... he was selling his real estate from previous marriage, and i was suppose to be paid back 6 months later... he sold his home, but didnt get what he expected... Fast forward.... I ask serveral times a year for a payback plan, its now to a point where i feel very angry and resentment... I have again, clearly stated he needs to start paying back... he is now saying that i am wrong for asking... and that our marriage because of me asking is not as strong, and we are now talking divorce... what to do? I worked avout 8 years to save that much... he rather pretend the loan is not there...
May I ask why your finances aren't as one?

Anyway this is going to ruin your marriage. He has no intention of paying you back Mino. He believes he shouldn't because now you two are married... He is blaming you for disrupting things and honestly if this ends in divorce then it means he is not an honest or upstanding person who pays back loans. Regardless of who it is.

Fact that he is throwing divorce around without even talking or making a plan to work this out with you is alarming and could mean he's looking for an out.

The thing is, you'll get that money in the divorce he just doesn't realize that. (that is if things end between you two.)

Other than this, are you happy in your marriage? I remember your story.
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Old 14th January 2018, 5:38 AM   #8
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Hi Folks,, I guess money and Romance do not mix. By giving her then BF(now husband) a loan, the OP has put herself in a very precarious position. It's something that is going to sour their relationship very badly. I do not know how strong or good their relationship is, but with her husband already threatening divorce I think it bodes ill for this relationship. Why not try MC to sort out their differences and have a professional weigh in on the ethics of the whole thing? Just a thought. Warm wishes.

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Old 14th January 2018, 6:53 AM   #9
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How are bills and expenses in the marriage handled now?

Does someone pay the mortgage, someone else the electrical bill, car payments, groceries, etc?
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Old 14th January 2018, 8:42 AM   #10
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Now we know why he is divorced at least one time already.
If you have no kids with him then when he mentions divorce
tell do it. If he does not then you should file.

Wisdom:

Never loan money to a friend or family if you cannot afford to
never get paid back. Because this is what happens too often.
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:14 AM   #11
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I suggest MC. If he was only still your BF I would see your point about insisting on repayment. As your husband, I'm not sure the point is as strong. Assuming he paid you back, wouldn't that money he was using to repay you simply make less cash available to your household for expenses? plus once you got the money what would you do with it? If you would set it aside for your use only, I think your husband is right that your marriage is in trouble. If you would use the money for both of you, what difference does it make?

I'm also not sure why the issue wasn't addressed before you tied the knot.

You need to think long & hard about what you value you more -- the money or your marriage.

You should also speak to a lawyer about whether you would be able to collect this debt years from now, long past the statute of limitations in the even of a future divorce. Perhaps there is some type of an antenuptial agreement you two could enter into where you would hush about the repayment now but be assured of repayment in the event of a future divorce.
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Old 14th January 2018, 9:55 AM   #12
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This is interesting. What is more important to you right now, the money or your marriage.

Instead of looking at what's right(him paying you back), look at what is realistic.

why cant you set up a basic money market account with your bank or online. Then, set it up so with every direct deposit, a small amout of money goes directly into it. from his check. because it happens automatically, he wont miss it and he is slowly paying you back. I'm talking 50 bucks or something

he doesn't have to hand you money, write you a check, it just happens.

you just have to live with a small amount each check. could take forever but your married. if you get divorced, its tracked, and you can sue him for the balance
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Old 14th January 2018, 10:04 AM   #13
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To me it would matter what type of state you live in and how they cover premarital assets in divorce.
The legal side... I guess rather than the moral side

If you live in a state that premarital assets are not considered as marital property then he should still pay you back as the asset is yours and will always be yours.

If you live in a state that doesn't delineate between premarital assets and marital assets then it doesn't matter as when he married you it became a marital asset/debt and as such it became both of yours and it just doesn't matter..

Of course as a matter of being good to his word it seems he isn't... he should have paid you back in full and I can see why it would create resentment.

As far as getting him to be good to his word.. I don't know how you do that.. you can't very well take him to court..

Maybe you can have a knock out drag out and get him to see your side...

Good Luck
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Old 14th January 2018, 11:08 AM   #14
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the reason we didnt mingle our finances, is because we are over 50, and he had no assets, and i had a lot. we did a prenup, we do pay our monthly expenses together. I did offer him a payment plan, over a few years to pay back. He was in a bad position, lost job, so hence why i made the loan. Besides the money, our marriage was fine, ups and downs like every other...I don't want a divorce... I do love my husband, I just want my money back that i lent him... I do have this amount in the prenup....

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Old 14th January 2018, 11:37 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mino View Post
the reason we didnt mingle our finances, is because we are over 50, and he had no assets, and i had a lot. we did a prenup, we do pay our monthly expenses together. I did offer him a payment plan, over a few years to pay back. He was in a bad position, lost job, so hence why i made the loan. Besides the money, our marriage was fine, ups and downs like every other...I don't want a divorce... I do love my husband, I just want my money back that i lent him... I do have this amount in the prenup....
Consult a lawyer, and try marriage counselling. Good luck.
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