Any of the married pairs-one would pass away...

[FastHands]

Have you ever thought of what would happen if one of you should pass on-what would your spouse do? Do you think they would mourn? Marry quick? Stay single forever and honor you?

I ask because most of my family that have had their spouse pass on, soon found another and married. I know one that married within a month. Another in 3 months found a gf, then found another and finally married another. So what do you think?

[RecentChange]

I love my husband.

 

And if I should pass in an untimely way - I hope he would find love again, sex again, passion again, a life partner again.

 

I would not want to be "honored" by him living a lonely, grieving existence.

 

And if he passed before we were old and ready to leave this Earth - I hope I would find someone to connect with and share joy with again

 

Marriage is till death do us part. Some wish to stay single the rest of their days after their spouse passes, but that's not what I would desire from my husband.

[road]

I love my husband.

 

And if I should pass in an untimely way - I hope he would find love again, sex again, passion again, a life partner again.

 

I would not want to be "honored" by him living a lonely, grieving existence.

 

And if he passed before we were old and ready to leave this Earth - I hope I would find someone to connect with and share joy with again

 

Marriage is till death do us part. Some wish to stay single the rest of their days after their spouse passes, but that's not what I would desire from my husband.

 

Is there a cut off age where you would not seek another relationship.

 

Being I was able to have kids. There is no one that can replace

my wife I would not marry again. Don't think I would date either.

[d0nnivain]

I think it varies. My father was heartbroken when my mother died but he had a lady who he spent time with starting a few months after her death.

 

 

I love my husband. He's an introvert. I expect if I died, he'd crawl into a shell & not come out. But I would want him to.

 

A spouse finding love again after a death is a good thing. Nobody should be alone in their grief. They are not required to stop living / feeling.

[BarbedFenceRider]

Both my grandparents lost their wives and only lived around 10 years more. They were amazing and dedicated couples. One grandpa had a "girlfriend" in the latter few years, but nothing serious. My other grandfather missed my grandmother terribly and never moved on. Soulmates. He gave up dancing and bowling. (The two pastimes they did forever). I miss my grandparents everyday. Big shoes to be filled and legacy long gone I'm afraid. They both loved our HUGE family and reveled the small kids! I guess I just wish I am thought of as fondly as they are. But, it was a different generation.

 

I did know a guy in the Air Force that lost his WHOLE family in a car accident. He checked out of work, said goodbye to everyone close and joined the AF. He was a dependable guy, and kind person. Just real quiet and hermit like. Never dated or married to this day I think...sad.

[carhill]

I saw the wisdom in the choice my mother made to be married for life and when her spouse died she continued on for another quarter century alone. As she put it she had the love of her life and was thankful for that and, eh, didn't want to take care of another man again

 

The longer I'm single after being divorced the more I subscribe to that choice. Nothing against women at all. I hope they find all the happiness they deserve. If I match the same timeframe, I'll be 75 when I die and that's a pretty long time for a guy, especially one who's worked like I have in life. Good run.

 

If I were married and passed away, I'd wish for my spouse to do and be what fulfills them in life, as I'd hope they were fulfilled with our M. Their choice.

[GunslingerRoland]

Never talked about it explicitly with my wife, but I'm pretty sure neither of us would expect the other to live alone forever... it's not a typical request or expectation.

 

My Grandmother lived over 4 decades as a widow, but that is definitely more the exception than the rule.

[RecentChange]

Is there a cut off age where you would not seek another relationship.

 

Being I was able to have kids. There is no one that can replace

my wife I would not marry again. Don't think I would date either.

 

No actually, I wouldn't have any cut off.

 

I think love is a beautiful thing - and if you can have it in your life, why not.

 

My grandpa passed when my grandma was in her late 60's. In her 70's she met a lovely man while on a widowers group trip.

 

And ever since my grandma has had a "boy friend" they share their time together, together they are not lonely. They motivate each other to go out and travel etc because now they have a partner to do it with.

 

They make each other smile, they make each other happy, they make each other's lives more full. Now neither of them have much time left, but the years they shared together were something special.

 

If my husband has to live without me, I would hope he found someone to help make his life more fulfilling.

[Timshel]

My late husband and I did discuss the possibility of remarriage for me after he was gone. He wanted me to be happy and whatever that meant. I know that he meant it and I would have said the same to him.

 

I remember looking at him and saying that I never would, I couldn't imagine loving anyone enough ever again. He laughed and said babe, if you do or don't it won't change what we have.

 

After he died I stayed single for almost three yrs and then some ruffian made me change my mind. I'd be lying if I said I don't think about the conversation my late husband and I had or wonder if I've lost my mind.

 

What I know is that my late husband wants me to live because I am still alive. For a while after he passed I didn't want to be.

I also know that what I have now with my fiance is something really special because I don't change my mind easily and would have been just fine to remain single.

[Timshel]

I have to add, after my husband passed I had to move. People always say to not make big decisions, like moving, but I had to. I couldn't sleep..I was on the couch and had the tv on constantly, nuts.

 

I moved and it helped to make a separation, but FastHands, months after to want anyone wasn't something I was capable.

Everyone is different but I can honestly tell you that I allowed myself all the stages of grief..twice at least.

 

Life never ceases to surprise me and every person has their own way.

[jenkins95]

Just wanted to share a little anecdote that this thread reminded me of.

 

In the 1990s, my wife and I went on holiday to Sicily and visited a beautiful rural church one day. In the graveyard, an elderly lady all dressed in black was crying at a graveside - it was as though she was actually hugging the gravestone. This was really moving. Just as I walked past, the lady stood up and turned around - our eyes met, we smiled and struck up a conversation (I could speak basic Italian and she could speak basic English). I said I was sorry for her loss and she confirmed, as I suspected, that it was her husband. In the course of the conversation, it became clear that he had been dead for 44 years and that she had visited, tended and cried at that grave every day since - and she had worn black since the day he died.

 

That meeting affected me profoundly and I often think back to it. It was one of the most tragic, upsetting yet beautiful stories I had ever heard.

[SolG]

My mother remarried about five years after my dad died just shy of their 45th wedding anniversary. Her new husband was a widower. Between them they have seven children and I'm not even sure how many grand kids, and at least five great grandchildren. (I've lost count!)

 

In the hallway they have a wedding photo of each of us that have been married. And in pride of place are their wedding photos with the spouses they lost. I love that my dad is still remembered in this way. And I'm glad that mum has had the joy of another man in her life that brings her happiness.

Edited November 17, 2017 by SolG

[wmacbride]

My mom and dad ere married just shy of 50 years.

 

When my mom got sick, it was a terrible time for both her and my dad. Shen got ill so fast, but she really wanted to stay at home. He looked after her until she really needed to be in palliative care, and he stayed with her until she passed away about a day later.

 

I went back tot he house with afterwards, and it was so hard for him. He Had me help him rearrange the living room, as said he couldn't keep it the way it was because he couldn't stop picturing her sitting there in her favorite chair.

 

He moved away a few months later, because he couldn't stay in the house and see the gardens she had loved and cared for without her in them. He moved closer to me, and a few years later, he met a widow and they went on to start a relationship. She's a nice lady ( although she eats so slowly she's the only woman who could starve to death at an all you can eat buffet:laugh:) and they both seem happy.

 

That is what my mom had wanted. She never wanted him to be alone, as he is the type of person who needs someone in his life, and she made sure he knew that. As she put it, she couldn't enjoy whatever comes next if she knew he was here and lonely.

[jenkins95]

Some very touching stories on this thread. It is wonderful that people can find happinness again after the heartbreak of losing a life partner.

 

This really made me laugh: -

 

she eats so slowly she's the only woman who could starve to death at an all you can eat buffet:laugh:).

 

This is the polar opposite of me - the damage I can do in a very short time at all you can eat buffets (both to the buffet and to my own waistline) is quite frightening!

[MJJean]

As she put it she had the love of her life and was thankful for that and, eh, didn't want to take care of another man again

 

 

I love my husband with everything I am. He is a colossal pain in the butt sometimes and high maintenance the rest of the time. I take care of him because of my great love for him. I couldn't imagine feeling the kind of love that makes taking care of a man worth it for anyone else.

[GorillaTheater]

I love my husband with everything I am. He is a colossal pain in the butt sometimes and high maintenance the rest of the time. I take care of him because of my great love for him. I couldn't imagine feeling the kind of love that makes taking care of a man worth it for anyone else.

 

 

Yeah, I lean this way myself. Odds are my wife will outlive me, and I want nothing more than for her to be happy and if that entails another man, then I hope he treats her right and she finds joy in the relationship.

 

 

But if she goes first, I'm inclined to rest on my relationship laurels and do a lot more fishing. I've been married over three decades, and it's taken no small amount of work. I don't think I'd want to jump back into that breach.

[central]

We both love being in a relationship, and would probably seek another in this situation. But, I doubt that either of us would marry - we only reluctantly got married for pragmatic reasons, as marriage itself has no appeal. I suppose if there were good reasons to marry again, we'd do that, but it seems easier to contemplate a future good relationship without marriage.

 

 

Anyway, we both would want the other to be happy in whatever way works for them.

[mercy]

Nope, one and done.

 

I'll still look though because well men are nice to look at but no-one will ever compare to h.

 

And if I go first I won't be so nice like oh I hope you find someone....no.

[lana-banana]

Being newlyweds we've talked about this a fair amount (morbid, I know). My husband used to work a very exciting but demanding, high-stress, 24x7-type job; he maintains if anything happens to me, he's going to drown himself in work and never come out.* I'd want him to move on and find someone again, but he's skeptical of his ability to heal. "No, I'm done after you. If I ever lose you, I'll just sleep with random 20-year-olds between shifts."

 

I think if my husband died I'd be able to love again, but it would be a very different type of love than what I'm experiencing now. I think losing him in an untimely fashion would sap my desire for the immersive, exhilarating love I feel today. I would never try to replace that. I would want something that seemed quieter, gentler, safer, if that makes any sense. I would probably seek out someone very different just to fully make that distinction in my mind.

 

My husband once told me that if he died, he'd find his way back to me until we met again "in the next place, together". It broke my heart when I heard it, not just because I wanted to believe it so badly but because we're both serious atheists. It scares me that I love him beyond my capacity to be rational. Of course, he's also told me that if he dies first he's going to be a ghost and "haunt the hell out of you if you even look at a man", so maybe it depends what sort of a mood he's in when he passes.

 

* = this has also led to some of his old coworkers joking about murdering me to bring him back. Thanks, guys.

[FastHands]

Beautiful stories. I'd like to add one. It was in a Spain missionary hospital in a rural town. My grandmother went there for treatment, a very good hospital. Anyway there was a couple in the room close. They were relatively young and of low means (poor) the husband didn't want no nurse or helpers to assist his wife. He absolutely did everything for her. She couldn't walk so he carried her cradle like a child to the rest room and back. She was dying and the husband wasn't really convinced. The lady talked to my sister and regarding her helpful husband- the lady said "he must've really loved me and I don't know how he's going to take it when I'm gone (her death)." That really broke my heart and the power of love to break all boundaries. Absolutely beautiful example of true love.

[TrustedthenBusted]

If I died, I'm pretty sure my wife would find someone pretty quickly and remarry. She wouldn't have any trouble getting a new man, and she is not very good at being alone.

 

I, on the other hand, would never remarry if my wife died. I'd date, and date only. Forever.

[Bufo]

The older I get the less likely it seems that I would remarry. One consideration I I have discussed with my wife is our children. I don't want to

Partially disinherit them. Yes I know prenuptial agreements can solve that problem sometimes, but if a second marriage lasts for years, unraveling the estate can be difficult.