LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships

Crying over my ex.... why?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

Like Tree419Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 19th November 2017, 7:15 PM   #61
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Sorry, I was not a part of your earlier threads. I'm sure I missed a lot.

Sounds like she was checked out of the marriage and even though you cheated, she is moving on because the marriage was not meeting her needs, either.
When I started seeing my new gf she begged and did anything and everything to get me back. Everything I begged her for years to do but this time I couldn't go back. Now, 5 months later all of a sudden I think I do
What-2-Do is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th November 2017, 7:16 PM   #62
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 3,134
Quote:
Originally Posted by What-2-Do View Post
When I started seeing my new gf she begged and did anything and everything to get me back. Everything I begged her for years to do but this time I couldn't go back. Now, 5 months later all of a sudden I think I do
Why? List five reasons.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th November 2017, 8:31 PM   #63
Established Member
 
sandylee1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 6,043
Quote:
Originally Posted by What-2-Do View Post
When I started seeing my new gf she begged and did anything and everything to get me back. Everything I begged her for years to do but this time I couldn't go back. Now, 5 months later all of a sudden I think I do
What2do... I've sent you a PM.

Sometimes people don't realise what they've got till it's gone. She wants you back. She wouldn't tell you she's not sleeping with him otherwise.

I think you need time out of your current relationship.
__________________
'Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to'

Last edited by sandylee1; 19th November 2017 at 8:37 PM.. Reason: Eta
sandylee1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th November 2017, 9:01 PM   #64
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 4,330
Quote:
Originally Posted by What-2-Do View Post
When I started seeing my new gf she begged and did anything and everything to get me back. Everything I begged her for years to do but this time I couldn't go back. Now, 5 months later all of a sudden I think I do
You've played this game before though... For months, at the end of your marriage. She would do just enough for you to think she had reinvested in the marriage, and then it would back to the same old problems...

If you go back to her, it will probably be more of the same.
BaileyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th November 2017, 3:09 AM   #65
Established Member
 
sandylee1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 6,043
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
You've played this game before though...

If you go back to her, it will probably be more of the same.
Not necessarily.

I've seen remarkable changes when people realise they've lost someone they love and have a lot of blame for that.

I've also seen a great many men in W2Ds position, wish they gave their marriage another chance.
sandylee1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th November 2017, 6:25 AM   #66
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 14,631
OP, why are you even asking your ex if she's having sex with this guy? It's none of your business. If he is sleeping over do you really think they are not having sex? Again, it's just none of your business. Are you having sex with your beloved gf? I'm sure you are.
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th November 2017, 7:03 AM   #67
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
You've played this game before though... For months, at the end of your marriage. She would do just enough for you to think she had reinvested in the marriage, and then it would back to the same old problems...

If you go back to her, it will probably be more of the same.
This is honestly my biggest fear. Whenever things would get really bad she would pull things together and make an effort and things would be great again for about 2 weeks and then it would revert right back to how it was prior.

She said if we were to get back together or even try that she would put it all behind us but she has god-knows how many people stalking my Social Media accounts so anything I post is under a microscope.

I honestly don't even know if I would even want to get back with her. I think a big part of it is the holidays coming up and that has me thinking all kinds of things.
What-2-Do is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th November 2017, 7:06 AM   #68
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 3,134
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandylee1 View Post
Not necessarily.

I've seen remarkable changes when people realise they've lost someone they love and have a lot of blame for that.

I've also seen a great many men in W2Ds position, wish they gave their marriage another chance.
I have too. In one case it involved an unbelievable act of forgiveness on the part of the wife as the husband was actually arrested for statutory rape and has completely ruined his future employability as a teacher (or much else). Their marriage is thriving, though.

But, I have also personally experienced the exact opposite, so I'm always very quick to warn people that forgiveness does not equal reconciliation. It hurts worse the second time around.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th November 2017, 8:20 AM   #69
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 4,330
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandylee1 View Post
Not necessarily.

I've seen remarkable changes when people realise they've lost someone they love and have a lot of blame for that.

I've also seen a great many men in W2Ds position, wish they gave their marriage another chance.
I don't know, given what this man has share about this woman, that she has it in her to forgive and move forward. THIS woman has proven in the past to be very manipulative, passive aggressive, and hurtful. I would be concerned that she is going to want to punish OP for leaving and having an affair with a younger woman. I can imagine that the affair really bruised her ago.

I don't see this having a healthy, happy ending... I just don't.
BaileyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th November 2017, 9:21 AM   #70
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
I don't know, given what this man has share about this woman, that she has it in her to forgive and move forward. THIS woman has proven in the past to be very manipulative, passive aggressive, and hurtful. I would be concerned that she is going to want to punish OP for leaving and having an affair with a younger woman. I can imagine that the affair really bruised her ago.

I don't see this having a healthy, happy ending... I just don't.
This is prob. the BEST description of my ex. For the past 5 months all she's done is post cryptic posts on Facebook basically bashing me for anything and everything. Until this happened everything has been about her and her needs and she never cared about what was important to me. I think with the holidays approaching I'm having a moment of weakness which is why I've been thinking this way.
What-2-Do is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th November 2017, 12:19 PM   #71
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,986
Quote:
Originally Posted by What-2-Do View Post
This is honestly my biggest fear. Whenever things would get really bad she would pull things together and make an effort and things would be great again for about 2 weeks and then it would revert right back to how it was prior.

She said if we were to get back together or even try that she would put it all behind us but she has god-knows how many people stalking my Social Media accounts so anything I post is under a microscope.

I honestly don't even know if I would even want to get back with her. I think a big part of it is the holidays coming up and that has me thinking all kinds of things.
Reconciling with your wife would not be with your wife would be a smart choice, W2D. She would just go back to her old behaviors once she felt comfortable again. You're absolutely right.

If you're feeling triggered by the holidays coming up, you can always make new memories with your girlfriend. Since you see a future with her, this can be a chance for the two of you to start new traditions. I hope you wait at least a year or two before embarking on a second marriage.
BettyDraper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th November 2017, 3:51 PM   #72
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by BettyDraper View Post
Reconciling with your wife would not be with your wife would be a smart choice, W2D. She would just go back to her old behaviors once she felt comfortable again. You're absolutely right.

If you're feeling triggered by the holidays coming up, you can always make new memories with your girlfriend. Since you see a future with her, this can be a chance for the two of you to start new traditions. I hope you wait at least a year or two before embarking on a second marriage.
I completely agree with this. Sometimes, it's so difficult to walk away even when we are happy when we finally do. I agree about making new memories with my new G/F. I clearly won't be running into getting married as I don't ever want to be in this situation ever again.
What-2-Do is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th November 2017, 7:20 PM   #73
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,986
Quote:
Originally Posted by What-2-Do View Post
I completely agree with this. Sometimes, it's so difficult to walk away even when we are happy when we finally do. I agree about making new memories with my new G/F. I clearly won't be running into getting married as I don't ever want to be in this situation ever again.
I'm very glad to hear that you aren't going to rush into a second marriage.

With respect to a future with your girlfriend, take a hard look at the fact that she had an affair with a married man. Unfortunately, that says something negative about her character. If she will cheat with you, then she will cheat on you as well.

Make sure that the two of you on the same page about serious issues such as money, children, sex etc. Realize that your girlfriend is still very young so her stance on these topics will likely change as she grows older.
BettyDraper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th November 2017, 10:47 PM   #74
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: India
Posts: 1,698
Hi What-2-do, from all that you have written about your relationship with your ex wife it seems she is a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. This indicates that she may have a serious personality disorder which she would have to address before you could ever think of getting back with her. At the same time she is a 'known devil' whereas your GF is an unknown entity and someone who is very young and probably still very immature. I think you have to chart your future course of action very carefully if you want a happy future for yourself. Just some thoughts. Warm wishes..
Just a Guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st November 2017, 9:17 AM   #75
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 283
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just a Guy View Post
Hi What-2-do, from all that you have written about your relationship with your ex wife it seems she is a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. This indicates that she may have a serious personality disorder which she would have to address before you could ever think of getting back with her. At the same time she is a 'known devil' whereas your GF is an unknown entity and someone who is very young and probably still very immature. I think you have to chart your future course of action very carefully if you want a happy future for yourself. Just some thoughts. Warm wishes..
My STBXW is def. hit or miss or hot or cold. She's usually not in the middle which makes dealing with her very difficult at times. Whenever I try having a conversation with her it just turns south quickly. I think she's just such a negative person that no matter how much I ever wanted to be happy with her again I can't be.

As for the new G/F being immature I can't disagree more. She grew up quickly and has her act together. The issue I mostly have with her is that she has major issues with the fact that I had a previous life. It kills her that I spent so much time with my ex and built a family together with her. Not sure if this is something she can ever get past either which obviously makes things challenging.
What-2-Do is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
So why am I still crying? Lyka Breaks and Breaking Up 6 31st July 2011 5:40 AM
crying again Rozyo20 Coping 7 9th June 2011 5:17 PM
Crying Right Now...So Sad Butterfly5525 Coping 9 9th April 2011 2:31 PM
on crying shadowplay Dating 11 13th July 2008 6:55 PM
I keep crying... and crying...and crying... how do i stop? Swthugznkisez Long-Distance Relationships 9 6th July 2004 4:20 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 8:15 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.