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Crying over my ex.... why?


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Old 18th November 2017, 4:36 PM   #31
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Lyme disease. OP felt that she was malingering, and she probably was a little... but, she is clearly feeling better now.
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Old 18th November 2017, 8:58 PM   #32
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It's probably also difficult to come to terms with the possibility that another man could be seeing your son more often than you do ... if she has a boyfriend move in with her.

It's possible you thought that as she wasn't interested in sex with you... she would continue to be uninterested and therefore you wouldn't have to worry about other men being around.
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:31 PM   #33
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This woman you had the affair with, was she also cheating on someone by being with you? Maybe that's why you don't know if she's trustworthy? How does she feel about trusting you?
No, she was single when we started talking and seeing each other. We had a really difficult talk last night which was hard for both of us.

She is insecure that I still have communication with my ex which I completely understand. She has trust issues and is afraid I will screw her over. She gave me an ultimatum last night which I am going to agree to. It's in regards to my ex.

I cannot have any contact with her at all unless it revolves around our son. If she finds out we are still talking and it's not about our son then she's gone.
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:33 PM   #34
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That's fair enough. I really hope you're able to do it. You could throw away a good woman if you're not careful.
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:34 PM   #35
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I did not post that to suggest she was an "innocent".
I think the OP is correct to not trust her, not necessarily that she will cheat she may do, she may not, but I guess she will soon get fed up and go on to other things. They are always "so mature" until they aren't...
Seems to me that in big age gap relationships it is the older man that gets hurt, whilst the woman in her early twenties just moves on.

Of course this may just be a fun, "filler", exit affair type relationship for the OP anyway so no real harm done.
I disagree. I'm in love with my new g/f and she's great. I want nothing more than to be with her and to continue building what we have.

Looking back at the advice given on here where people said I needed to be single for 6 months to a year before dating and I blew it off. I now see why everyone mentioned that. It is still hard to be 100% over my ex. We were great together for so many years but we were so wrong for each other for so many as well. I stuck around for as long as I could and left like a coward.

I regret hurting her the way I did and I know she will now forever have trust issues with men and it's my fault. My intention was not to crush her but my selfishness and indecisiveness got the best of me.
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:37 PM   #36
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Not sure about the body, but the rest is spot on!
Definitely NOT the body that's for sure. But, I guess a penis is a penis so there can be something there. Not to boast or anything but I own a fitness gym and workout 6 days per week and have for 20+ years so I'm in better shape than 98% of guys my age and even 20 years younger.

Sexually, my wife and I were great together WHEN we actually had sex. Although, sex with my new g/f is even better.
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:39 PM   #37
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By good body, I didn't necessarily mean he wasn't big. Security guards are usually pretty big guys .... and I've had great sex with a big guy myself. He was brilliant every time.

It feels nice and made me feel well protected with a big guy too. That rugged attraction is a good feeling.
This guy isn't in shape at all. He's a frail person at best. I actually would feel better about myself if he was a good looking buy. I'm actually embarrassed for her because he is literally Paul Blart Mall Cop. Not saying that to make myself feel better but several of her friends have messaged me asking what the hell is she doing with this tool?
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:41 PM   #38
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Definitely NOT the body that's for sure. But, I guess a penis is a penis so there can be something there. Not to boast or anything but I own a fitness gym and workout 6 days per week and have for 20+ years so I'm in better shape than 98% of guys my age and even 20 years younger.

Sexually, my wife and I were great together WHEN we actually had sex. Although, sex with my new g/f is even better.


I think you're MASSIVELY over inflating how important looks are to women. Sure, it makes up part of an initial attraction. But in a LTR, it's personality, love, caring, sense of humour.

Try to switch focus to the lady you DO have or you'll lose 2 women, back to back. I can't imagine having to deal with that!
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:41 PM   #39
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No, she was single when we started talking and seeing each other. We had a really difficult talk last night which was hard for both of us.

She is insecure that I still have communication with my ex which I completely understand. She has trust issues and is afraid I will screw her over. She gave me an ultimatum last night which I am going to agree to. It's in regards to my ex.

I cannot have any contact with her at all unless it revolves around our son. If she finds out we are still talking and it's not about our son then she's gone.
Sounds like she's starting to wise up to the folly of a relationship with a married father. Hmmmm, who'd have guessed that would happen?

I'm curious what her friends and family think about what she did (basically stole another woman's husband)/how the relationship started. Do they accept you? Do they even know you were married and your relationship is a result of cheating?
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:41 PM   #40
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You said in passing she was ill when you cheated on your wife. What kind of ill?
Here is the funny thing.... Well, not funny but it shows her real character.

She did have Lyme Disease. We were pretty much at the end of our relationship and she got sick. I then, stayed around for another 18 months or so while she was 'sick." Why I say it's funny is that she said she was sick right up until the affair and then suddenly she was PERFECTLY CURED and has no more Lyme Symptoms what-so-ever for 6 months now.

She was one that was always a hypochondriac complaining about chronic headaches etc on a daily basis. This is why I didn't really believe her when she first started getting sick because she cried wolf for 14 years on a daily basis so you learn to tune it out.
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:44 PM   #41
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I think you're MASSIVELY over inflating how important looks are to women. Sure, it makes up part of an initial attraction. But in a LTR, it's personality, love, caring, sense of humour.

Try to switch focus to the lady you DO have or you'll lose 2 women, back to back. I can't imagine having to deal with that!
This is great advice. I agree in a LTR looks only go so far. However, physical attraction needs to be there. Also, this guy is a 40 something year old mall security guard who has never been married, no kids, no real previous relationships, and I'm pretty sure still lives at home with his mother. He's clearly got ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to offer.
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:47 PM   #42
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This is great advice. I agree in a LTR looks only go so far. However, physical attraction needs to be there. Also, this guy is a 40 something year old mall security guard who has never been married, no kids, no real previous relationships, and I'm pretty sure still lives at home with his mother. He's clearly got ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to offer.
So then why does it bother you? I would think you'd be more bothered if he was "all that." This confuses me.
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:48 PM   #43
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This is great advice. I agree in a LTR looks only go so far. However, physical attraction needs to be there. Also, this guy is a 40 something year old mall security guard who has never been married, no kids, no real previous relationships, and I'm pretty sure still lives at home with his mother. He's clearly got ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to offer.


In your opinion. Not in hers. Shes with him for a reason.

You say you have a hot, younger woman. And yet YOU are the one on here, obsessing about your ex. She's off having a good time with the guy you deem lesser.
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:50 PM   #44
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Originally Posted by What-2-Do View Post
This is great advice. I agree in a LTR looks only go so far. However, physical attraction needs to be there. Also, this guy is a 40 something year old mall security guard who has never been married, no kids, no real previous relationships, and I'm pretty sure still lives at home with his mother. He's clearly got ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to offer.
That's for your ex wife to decide...

Clearly, he has something to offer because his mere presence has managed to get you all tied up in knots over the relationship... Which, may have been her entire purpose, all along...
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Old 19th November 2017, 12:51 PM   #45
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That's for your ex wife to decide...

Clearly, he has something to offer because his mere presence has managed to get you all tied up in knots over the relationship... Which, may have been her entire purpose, all along...


I dunno. I couldn't shag a loser, just to hurt an ex. It'd still be me, feeling all the slimy disgust...
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