ReformedMan Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 My wife and I had been married for 12 years and have an 8 and 6-year-old daughters. On July 4th, my parents were watching our daughters and my wife and I attended a gathering at an old friend of my wife's. There was a lot of drinking, poker, and other games. There was about 8 or 9 people there when we arrived at 7. At around 10 pm, about 6 or 7 people left to go to a bar, leaving my wife, her friend, friend's spouse and one other person, If I recalled. I was pretty drunk at that time. My wife and her friend got into an argument sometime later. I stayed in the living room with the other husband, while the other person had gone upstairs to use the bathroom but don't remember them ever returning. The rest of the night was one big blur. The next day I had woken up at around noon, passed out on the floor of the friend's bathroom. Her friend said my wife was gone when she woke up at 9. I tried calling my wife but was no answer. I got home and she wasn't home. AN hour later, the police showed up to my house and arrested me for domestic violence. She had told the cops that I had gotten in the middle of the argument with her and her friend. That I said I was tired of her whining and pushed her, and she hit her head on the side of her friend's coffee table. She had a gash on her head. Her friend and friend's spouse both told the police they don't remember much of the night, and her friend said she didn't even remember arguing with my wife. So here I am, staying with my parents. I was given a 30 day no contact order which was extended until November 1st. My wife tried to have it removed earlier last month but was denied. I only get to see my kids one day a week, and my trial is pending for next year. I don't remember and I really don't think I pushed my wife. I keep saying why would she lie or maybe I did but was too drunk to remember anything. I'm just at a loss of words. I don't want to accuse my wife of lying but I also don't want to be convicted of something I didn't do. Any insight? Link to post Share on other sites
Sammichmaker Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I'm not sure where you live, the laws could be slightly different in your state, so don't take me word for word. After reporting the incident cops would have met her at the hospital to take pictures and such. Your wife then would have then been given the option as to whether or not you should be allowed to contact each other. The no contact for those initial few days would be mandatory unless she signed saying she would allow otherwise. If your wife hadn't signed anything similar, I have a hard time believing the judge would automatically keep extending the no contact order. Now that court is involved, your wife won't be able to drop charges because it's now in the hands of the state. She has already reported it as physical abuse. It's going to be a long process - if both you and your wife find all this to be untrue the rest depends on her working with the DA's office in trying to lift the no contact order. No one here can assure you of what you did or did not do.. but I would suggest refraining from calling each other liars, seeing as how you were both at least slightly intoxicated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ReformedMan Posted October 31, 2017 Author Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) If your wife hadn't signed anything similar, I have a hard time believing the judge would automatically keep extending the no contact order. I haven't talked to my wife since July 4th so everything I'm hearing is from a third party and from my attorney. I won't hear her side fully until I'm able to talk to her tomorrow. But from what I was told by my attorney was she filed for an extension because she was afraid of me. On August 3rd, her request for no contact was extended until November 1st. In September she requested for the no-contact order to be lifted. She still claims I assaulted her. Her request was denied. The spouse husband messaged me a few days after the incident in July and told me that he was sorry I was dealing with this. That the last thing he remembered was the friend and my wife "drunk" arguing, and that he went to bed shortly after. We had drunk a lot. The friend doesn't even remember what the hell happened, remember the argument even. The other person who was there around that time said he didn't see or here anything. I know something happened to her because her head was cut opened. We were all drunk, no one but my wife (if she truly even remembers) could recall how it happened. After reporting the incident cops would have met her at the hospital to take pictures and such. I was told she went down to the sheriff office herself and made a complaint. Edited October 31, 2017 by ReformedMan Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Was your marriage on the rocks prior to July 4th? Would she have a reason to concoct a false story? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ReformedMan Posted October 31, 2017 Author Share Posted October 31, 2017 Our marriage was okay, neither bad or good. We had talked about saving for a vacation with just her and I as we hadn't been away more then a night or two since our youngest was born. We have odd arguments but nothing that stands out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hecan Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Ok so your marriage was so so... It seems strange.. Have you ever been violent before? Are you a mean drunk? I know people are different when intoxicated but usually a person has been a Mean drunk In the past? If you never have been then I have to wonder, if you have , then who knows. It would seem like you would be more outraged about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Sammichmaker Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 But from what I was told by my attorney was she filed for an extension because she was afraid of me. On August 3rd, her request for no contact was extended until November 1st. In September she requested for the no-contact order to be lifted. She still claims I assaulted her. Her request was denied. I know something happened to her because her head was cut opened. We were all drunk, no one but my wife (if she truly even remembers) could recall how it happened. I was told she went down to the sheriff office herself and made a complaint. Exactly, her request was denied because she expressed originally that contact was not something she wanted. To be blunt - Unfortunately, how you think it happened means very little at this point. Not only does she claim to recall what happened, but she's also the one that did something about it after the fact. It's been reported and she still believes you assaulted her. I don't think you're necessarily scared of being convicted of something you didn't do, I think you are scared of being convicted in general. I'm no lawyer.. so when i say that I think you've got a good chance of walking away if you stick to fighting this, it obviously holds no merit. But if you care about your marriage, I'd put all thoughts of lying behind, believe in what she's expressing, and work towards accepting a plea deal when the time comes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ReformedMan Posted October 31, 2017 Author Share Posted October 31, 2017 Ok so your marriage was so so... It seems strange.. Have you ever been violent before? That's the thing. I haven't. Not even when I caught my ex-girlfriend sitting in the lap of my ex-best friend. I had been drinking that night too. I don't know what to think of this situation because all the information I have right now is from third party. I don't have her side of the story yet. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I don't remember and I really don't think I pushed my wife. I keep saying why would she lie or maybe I did but was too drunk to remember anything. I'm just at a loss of words. I don't want to accuse my wife of lying but I also don't want to be convicted of something I didn't do. Any insight? Get a lawyer. This is not a DIY proposition. If you lose it will have repercussions through your whole life in ways you may not understand. Also get your drinking under control. A judge will look favorability on you being in treatment or having joined AA 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I would suggest that your top priority should not be worrying about 'what if I'm punished for her lies' but 'what if I hurt her'? You know you don't remember what happened, and obviously something happened. While it's all very confusing, the odds are against you here - it seems more likely than not that you were involved in things going bad. I would be pretty horrified if there was a possibility I might have hurt someone while blacked out. Obviously it would be hard to accept because I can't imagine that I would ever do such a thing, but if it did, there'd be this awful fear of... what if this happens again? Show that you're taking this seriously. Sign up for help with your drinking and with any potential anger issues or therapy. Show that it was a one-off and you are doing everything possible to make up for it and prevent it ever happening again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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