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She travels for work constantly


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Old 30th October 2017, 4:25 PM   #1
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She travels for work constantly

Now this may sound pathetic but I feel physically sick and anxious everytime my partner goes away for work. It was never a huge issue but lately theyve given her a promotion and although I'm happy for her I cannot stop feeling anxious everytime she's away as it's every week.

The past 10 days for example
Monday she was away for 2 nights in a hotel in Liverpool
Came back Wednesday then Thursday and Friday she was away in Scotland and then she came back and then tonigbt until Wednesday she's away in a hotel in london. What makes this harder for me is her work colleagues are also staying at 5he hotel in different rooms or that's what I'm told. The other problem is... they're all men. So my girlfriend this time is away for 3 days in a fancy hotel with 4 men. I hate that it makes me insecure as I've never felt this in any relationship but I hate it. Tonigbt she's gone for a drink with them and it always seems to involve beer. These meetings always seem to revolve around a day meeting then meals and beers at night. What's wrong with me
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Old 30th October 2017, 4:57 PM   #2
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I think any guy would feel uneasy if they were in your situation. Your gf may have no intentions of doing anything wrong. But you can be sure that of those 4 or 5 other guys, more than one of them have their eyes on her. And regardless of her intentions, going out for drinks with them should not be happening.

Now you need to decide where you go from here. Ask her how she'd feel if the situation were reversed. Open up a conversation with her, watch her reaction.

Trust your gut.
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:07 PM   #3
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Ive spoken to her just now and told her it makes me incredibly uneasy. She replied in kind of annoyance that I didn't trust her so I said 'what if the roles where reversed' she then said all you need to know is that I love you.

I dont know how much more I can take living anxiously like this while she's out with these men every week. Everytime she goes to these hotels there's always 1 or 2 of her male colleagues there too.
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:10 PM   #4
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I'd feel uneasy in your position too. Can you join her on one of these trips sometime, so you can get a feel for her interactions with these men in a bid to put your mind at ease, or justify your feelings?
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:19 PM   #5
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I cant go on any of them as the hotels are paid for by the company and i have work the follpwing day so cant get to london and Back.

I dont know what To do as I love her to pieces and know she does me but when she took this job she promised it would be the odd evening away but the past 3 months it's every week
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:21 PM   #6
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An even bigger problem is she's the type to concentrate on who she's with so if she's out on these meals etc she won't reply to my texts as says she doesn't like having her phone on her while she's with work colleagues.

I'm very fearful that this could be the end of my perfect relationship and the sad part is, it may be the end just because of my imagination
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:22 PM   #7
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Bottom line, you have three things that you can do...

1. Trust her, and accept the fact that she has to travel for work. Maybe there is something she can do to alleviate your anxiety - like keep her phone with her to answer your texts when she can (even if it's a "I can't talk now, text later" or call before bed - but otherwise, you just have to deal with it.

2. Travel with her. Probably not practical, I assume that you have your own job.

3. Break up with her.

If it was me, I know that nothing would ever happen and I would probably be unhappy that my boyfriend didn't trust me. But considering how upset you are, I would understand and do what I could to ease your anxiety. The fact that she is being somewhat evasive and rather dismissive about your concerns and your feelings is the most interesting thing for me. I wouldn't be happy about that, if I was you.

Do you have any reason not to trust her? Has she ever been unfaithful in this or other relationships? Have you been cheated on in the past?

Last edited by BaileyB; 30th October 2017 at 5:26 PM..
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:34 PM   #8
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She's replying to texts tomight but I think that's because she knows how hard shed find it if I was away.

She says she's never cheated before on anybody bar 1 kiss in a nightclub when she was 21. I trust her on that and she does seem honest as she told me outright the 4 men who where going tonight and their names. I keep thinking if she wanted to hide it she didn't even need to tell me tjey where going she could of just hid that part altogether and say she's going to bed or something. I just wish shed be home more and all this new job never even started
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:41 PM   #9
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I asked her who they are and she's said they're all married with children or she wouldn't of gone for drinks with them. I trust her but I wish I could stop feeling anxious
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:42 PM   #10
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Depending on how serious she is about this relationship, she may have to find another job eventually. It's pretty hard to maintain a relationship and/or have a family when you are traveling every week for work.

I hope you are able to work this out. All you can do is communicate and trust her - unless she gives you reason to think otherwise.
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:49 PM   #11
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Maybe when she’s home you can try to find ways to make more of your time together?

I understand why this would make you a bit uncomfortable but what is she supppossed to do, stay holed up in her room after the work day’s over?

Her response when you talked to her seemed a bit insensitive, and it’s a little concerning that you weren’t clear on how often she’d be away before she took the job. It sounds like she either undrestimated her travel time or choseto downplay it. If she downplayed it on purpose I think she knew you’d get upset and wanted to avoid talking about it with you. In which case Id think you’ve exhibited this kind of insecurity towards her before.

If it’s the former and she just didn’t think about it, she needs to work on communicating to you a little more and fleshing our how her decisions impact the both of you not just her.

Honestly I think your anxiousness in this scenario is too intense for this insecurity to be isolated to this one instance. Are you sure you’ve never been anxious like this before when sh s away around other guys?
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:53 PM   #12
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This is her job. She's not going on these trips or spending time with her colleagues because getting away from you is a priority (although it will become a priority of you don't get a handle on your irrational insecurity)


In a male dominated world she needs to hang with the boys to get her job done. She needs the info & the connections which will only come her way if she's out with the guys for beers after work. She is after a sale or a promotion, not a roll in the hay.


Trust her & act like it.


I'm not thrilled when my husband is out late on business trips but he texts me when he gets back up to his room. I don't always reply because often it's too late for me but no later then my night owl would be turning in at home.


She's doing her job, not cheating on you. Until you can grasp that you will not have a future with her.
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Old 30th October 2017, 6:00 PM   #13
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So I've got some people agreeing with me that they'd be uneasy too and the other half saying I'm being 'irrational'.
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Old 30th October 2017, 6:00 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Travel87 View Post
Monday she was away for 2 nights in a hotel in Liverpool
Came back Wednesday then Thursday and Friday she was away in Scotland and then she came back and then tonigbt until Wednesday she's away in a hotel in london. What makes this harder for me is her work colleagues are also staying at 5he hotel in different rooms or that's what I'm told. The other problem is... they're all men. So my girlfriend this time is away for 3 days in a fancy hotel with 4 men. I hate that it makes me insecure as I've never felt this in any relationship but I hate it. Tonigbt she's gone for a drink with them and it always seems to involve beer. These meetings always seem to revolve around a day meeting then meals and beers at night. What's wrong with me
Nothing. Nothing at all.


Please don't ever marry her.
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Old 30th October 2017, 6:35 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Travel87 View Post
So I've got some people agreeing with me that they'd be uneasy too and the other half saying I'm being 'irrational'.

Welcome to the internet.
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