Only for the Dollar

[maniamtired]

Does anything happen in this world, except for the reason of making money? As much as I'd like to fight it, I have to admit that to my family, I am only a financial provider. Day after day, I commute to work to do whatever crap the boss wants that day. Then I drive back home stuck in traffic, and take care of whatever it is the wife has on her list for me. Then I get an hour or two to sit and think about my meaningless day, before going to sleep and starting all over again. Weekends feel like mere moments, sometimes I'm not sure if they are real. Even when I do have free time, if I am not making money, then who cares?

 

If not for money, then marriage would not exist, because the woman would not need a provider. And if not for money, then prostitution would not exist either.

I am starting to think that marriage is an unnecessary evil, just as prostitution, which was born out of reactions to our greedy nature. Long ago I accepted the fact that the fairytale of love, the magical spark, was a myth, I knew that...but this is something different. Never before have I felt such a lack of love.

 

I can't give my wife sex...well, I can...but she doesn't actually want or care about it. Unless I stop giving her sex for a while then she will notice and ask me if I am sleeping around. Selfish #@$!

 

Wisdom for the kids? No, all my teachings will be forgotten, except for the number one rule: you must work and make money.

 

Hell if I had the money, I could just buy whatever wife I wanted. And then I guess I would be much happier. Clearly the solution to all problems is more money. So many wives refuse to have sex with their husbands, or do it poorly, and why? Because they are not getting paid for it. I'd rather hand money to a stranger while she smiles and sucks me off, then look at the same emotionless face all the time. I guess if there's no money involved, there is just no point right?

Edited October 10, 2017 by maniamtired

[basil67]

Sounds like you're in a really bad place at the moment. How long since you've had a vacation? Does she work? Do you have kids?

 

Your respect for your wife seems to be zero. It begs the question: Why are you still there? What's good about your marriage?

[maniamtired]

Sounds like you're in a really bad place at the moment. How long since you've had a vacation? Does she work? Do you have kids?

 

Your respect for your wife seems to be zero. It begs the question: Why are you still there? What's good about your marriage?

 

Thank you for your input. I don't have anyone to talk to, so forum conversation does help.

 

We just went on a vacation about a month ago, it was ok, but too much driving. I work, she takes care of the house and kids. We have 2 teenagers - they are both biologically hers, but I raise them as my own. She really wants to have another kid, but she is no longer able to.

 

I have been very depressed the last few days, and my desire for sex has also been very strong for the past week. First couple of days I had sex with wife as usual, but on the 3rd day I couldn't take it anymore! Why do I always have to make the first move? Am I unattractive? Does she not want sex any more ever? Is she screwing someone else?

 

This isn't the first time this problem has come up, it's always been this way. I've asked her about it before. Usually she just says "I don't know" which makes me angry. One time she actually discussed some feelings with me, about her not being able to have children any more, and childhood molestation issues. I understand that, but it seems like there has to be more to it.

 

I do have respect for my wife, she is a beautiful woman, and she is good to me mostly. We do a lot of good for each other. But...either one of us could easily be replaced. I enjoy the companionship; if I left the marriage I may find better sex but at what cost? Would the woman cook, clean, and sing as beautiful as my wife does? For me it's not worth the risk to leave, even though I am unhappy at the moment. Not only that, but if I left, who would take care of her and the kids? Their well beings are my responsibility.

 

I can't help but get angry sometimes just looking at her. I have never slept with another woman besides my wife, but I am seriously considering hiring some help in that area. It really bothers me that I would have to lie about it. Why should I have to? Women and their rules make no sense.

Edited October 10, 2017 by maniamtired

[newmoon]

just some thoughts i had while reading... like, why can't your wife work... you don't have toddlers, she could help ease some/any financial issues for you, maybe bring back her own self-worth a bit, which could increase the attraction for both people. maybe some of the depression is from being the sole provider, maybe some of hers is from not being able to have a kid (lowering her sex drive). we all do that daily grind, but i don't think we all do it for money. i certainly don't. i do get satisfaction from my day, from my job. maybe you're lacking some passion in what you're doing for work? lots of what-if's...hang in there, you're never alone in what you're experiencing

[RecentChange]

I don't think you can blame marriage or money for your situation.

 

First, I know wealthy, not rich, wealthy people who are miserable. Money can't buy love or happiness, that is TRUE.

 

I am married, I make twice what my husband does, and I have always made more. We did not marry for money.

 

And we have tons of sex, hot raunchy, sex - the kind with pleasure and passion that could never be faked for a paycheck....

 

I am POSITIVE I could not have such enthusiastic, adventurous, fun and simply wonderful sex if I was doing out of duty or for money. The very best sex is between two people who WANT each other and deeply be care about pleasing each other.

 

So.... Time to stop blaming the institutions and instead your path, your choices and your relationship.

 

Why doesn't you wife work? What does she bring to the relationship? Why are you working yourself to misery for another man's offspring?

 

And why don't you like your job?

 

I work long hours, I have a big commute (via train thankfully, that's where I am writing from now) - and honestly I enjoy it! I enjoy my work, and even my commute most days.

 

What can you change so you start enjoying life more?

Edited October 10, 2017 by RecentChange

[maniamtired]

I don't think you can blame marriage or money for your situation.

 

First, I know wealthy, not rich, wealthy people who are miserable. Money can't buy love or happiness, that is TRUE.

 

I am married, I make twice what my husband does, and I have always made more. We did not marry for money.

 

And we have tons of sex, hot raunchy, sex - the kind with pleasure and passion that could never be faked for a paycheck....

 

I am POSITIVE I could not have such enthusiastic, adventurous, fun and simply wonderful sex if I was doing out of duty or for money. The very best sex is between two people who WANT each other and deeply be care about pleasing each other.

 

So.... Time to stop blaming the institutions and instead your path, your choices and your relationship.

 

Why doesn't you wife work? What does she bring to the relationship? Why are you working yourself to misery for another man's offspring?

 

And why don't you like your job?

 

I work long hours, I have a big commute (via train thankfully, that's where I am writing from now) - and honestly I enjoy it! I enjoy my work, and even my commute most days.

 

What can you change so you start enjoying life more?

 

Of course you have no problem with money - you're obviously rich. No offense, but I think your financial advantage keeps us from seeing eye to eye. I do very much appreciate your input, though.

 

I don't like my job because I don't make enough money. I guess the solution to that is work more/harder. It's sad but true: money fixes everything. If I had more money I would definitely enjoy life more!

[maniamtired]

just some thoughts i had while reading... like, why can't your wife work... you don't have toddlers, she could help ease some/any financial issues for you, maybe bring back her own self-worth a bit, which could increase the attraction for both people. maybe some of the depression is from being the sole provider, maybe some of hers is from not being able to have a kid (lowering her sex drive). we all do that daily grind, but i don't think we all do it for money. i certainly don't. i do get satisfaction from my day, from my job. maybe you're lacking some passion in what you're doing for work? lots of what-if's...hang in there, you're never alone in what you're experiencing

 

I wouldn't want her to have to go to work. You nailed it on the passion thing, it is missing from my work and my marriage. There's no joy in any part of my day, it's just on to the next job... The key to life that I am missing? How do you make passion?

 

I guess another huge problem for me is that I have no friends. I used to have friends, they've come and gone. If I had somewhere to hang out sometimes, besides just work/home I'd probably be better off. I don't even have family. The wife has family that she visits and talks to, and I think it's helpful.

Edited October 11, 2017 by maniamtired

[RecentChange]

Of course you have no problem with money - you're obviously rich. No offense, but I think your financial advantage keeps us from seeing eye to eye. I do very much appreciate your input, though.

 

I don't like my job because I don't make enough money. I guess the solution to that is work more/harder. It's sad but true: money fixes everything. If I had more money I would definitely enjoy life more!

 

Hahah I am not rich, I make a good income, but I live in the most expensive part of the country. I rent with no hopes of buying, my car has 160,000 miles on it. And I can't afford fancy vacations... Oh and my husband was laid off two weeks ago.

 

But I ENJOY my work. Not because of what they pay me, very few things are worth being miserable 10 hours a day.

 

I get to use my mind at work. I am respected. I get to see results on my projects and that is fulfilling - and I bust my ass, just got tagged for a promotion.

 

What do you do? Can you look into a new line of work?

[MidlifeMama]

I think you are pondering life. That means you are alive and want for more.

If you have insurance, could you look into seeing a counselor?

No matter your situation or age, you can change it at any time to become more fulfilling.

Your marriage lacks passion, as with many of us, but you can still find passion. You could start with evaluating what your work is and interests are. I think most people find themselves in life questioning ,"Is there more?"

If you had passion at home, the job might not seem so bad. If you had passion at work, home might not seem so bad but you seem to be lacking in both areas.

There are many things in our control, some not so much. I see a great opportunity to change what you can control.

Start a fitness program, that helps depression as well and helps self esteem.

Seek a counselor, someone to help you look at things from a neutral perspective.

Talk with your wife on a deeper and serious level. You may want to tell her that you are sorry she can not have anymore children, but there is a lot to look forward to as the other children will be growing and moving towards their life and possibly grandchildren in the future.

Tell her you miss her and that intimacy is important to you and your needs seem to be unfulfilled.

Seek out groups to meet new friends in things you are interested in,,fishing club for example or something like that. Try a new hobby...whatever sparks an interest for you. Take a class at a time on perhaps something that could lead to a new and better career fit for you. There are all kinds of grants available out there. Speaking to a trade school or community college counselor can guide you.

I don't think stifling your feelings and being miserable is going to change a thing.

You can still have your family and be your own person. Perhaps finding new ways to connect with your wife whether a drive to a new place to explore once a week. Doesn't have to cost anything but gas. Just to get out, talk, be alone.

I think you'll find if you get up, make changes and search yourself, the emptiness you are feeling can be filled. It may not happen overnight and takes work, as all things do, but this is your one life, stop living it as if you are only going through the motions.

On a side note, I find people tend to live outside of their means. If your mortgage is too much, consider downsizing or moving to an area that is cheaper. If you are deep in debt, consider bankruptcy..last resort but a fresh start.

I would also consider asking your wife to work part time. She sounds like she could use a boost as well.

Best of luck.

[dichotomy]

Wait.... your wife has sex with you? she says yes when you go after it from her?

 

I wish my life was as good as yours. Mine says no. I am very sad now.

 

 

 

 

Grass is greener.

 

 

But to help you for a moment. Lets say your suddenly single... maybe your wife dies, or leaves you and takes the kids, or by some magic wish your wife and kids just go "poof" and are suddenly gone - and you are all alone in your home or apartment.

 

So what would you do with your life then?

 

My point is this - short of leaving your wife and kids and going backpacking in China - what things can you do to grow, learn or explore your life - independent of your wife, kids, or job? New hobbies, clubs, charities, exercise classes, reading/book clubs, classes at local college .... I get you are trapped in the rat race with sucky job, boring marriage, ungrateful kids.... but there are things you can do for you.

 

Many years ago I decided I was going to continue to grow, try new things, new ways of thinking. All of them independent of my wife, job, or what ever. It has helped me.

Edited October 11, 2017 by dichotomy

[maniamtired]

Hahah I am not rich, I make a good income, but I live in the most expensive part of the country. I rent with no hopes of buying, my car has 160,000 miles on it. And I can't afford fancy vacations... Oh and my husband was laid off two weeks ago.

 

But I ENJOY my work. Not because of what they pay me, very few things are worth being miserable 10 hours a day.

 

I get to use my mind at work. I am respected. I get to see results on my projects and that is fulfilling - and I bust my ass, just got tagged for a promotion.

 

What do you do? Can you look into a new line of work?

 

Well you are right, that doesn't sound rich to me. Perhaps you are rich in comparison, but I don't want to compare financials.

 

I work with computers - I know that is very broad, but my scope of work is very broad. I am involved mostly in programming. I work with a wide range of technologies, and I am respected as a critical thinker in the company. I am self-taught, and when I first started messing with computers as a child, I thought there was nothing better. Now that I am grown and *have* to do this stuff...I kinda hate being attached to a desk. I think it would be the same for any line of work. The real problem for me is having to listen to someone else all the time. I'd be much happier if I owned my own company, but I don't possess the required skills for that.

[maniamtired]

My situation has changed drastically for the better, and by something so simple: my wife letting me know that she wants it. The night before last (same night I made original post), my wife asked me what was wrong with me. I let her know very clearly what the problem was, and her answer surprised me. She said she always waits for me to make sure that I'm hard and ready. I told her not to do that anymore, she told me she wanted it, and then we had the best sex we ever had. I was doing all the work, but I didn't care one bit! Dripping sweat everywhere.

 

God looks upon me with favor. Would it have been the same had I hired a prostitute? I think not, and I'm glad that instead I came here to this forum. Thank you all.

 

My circumstances are the same - I still need more money, I still get tired of doing the same garbage, I still have no friends. But, it's funny how meeting a simple need such as sex can change your attitude. I was consumed by dark thoughts before, and now I have light. I am a simple fool. When we had sex that night, I felt like beating on my chest and letting out a loud sound like a gorilla

 

The world is unnecessarily complex, when God made us to be simple creatures. We have learned a lot from other animals, and there is still much more to learn. Why do we consider ourselves superior when animals live without many of our self inflicted tragedies?

 

I am a slave to the system, like how Frederick Douglass was. When he felt the time was right, he made his escape for the Underground Railroad...I must do the same. One large difference between Frederick and I is that I have the wife and kids that I must protect along the journey. I will bide my time, learn everything I can, and one glorious day I will make my move! God give me strength.

[maniamtired]

I think you are pondering life. That means you are alive and want for more.

If you have insurance, could you look into seeing a counselor?

No matter your situation or age, you can change it at any time to become more fulfilling.

Your marriage lacks passion, as with many of us, but you can still find passion. You could start with evaluating what your work is and interests are. I think most people find themselves in life questioning ,"Is there more?"

If you had passion at home, the job might not seem so bad. If you had passion at work, home might not seem so bad but you seem to be lacking in both areas.

There are many things in our control, some not so much. I see a great opportunity to change what you can control.

Start a fitness program, that helps depression as well and helps self esteem.

Seek a counselor, someone to help you look at things from a neutral perspective.

Talk with your wife on a deeper and serious level. You may want to tell her that you are sorry she can not have anymore children, but there is a lot to look forward to as the other children will be growing and moving towards their life and possibly grandchildren in the future.

Tell her you miss her and that intimacy is important to you and your needs seem to be unfulfilled.

Seek out groups to meet new friends in things you are interested in,,fishing club for example or something like that. Try a new hobby...whatever sparks an interest for you. Take a class at a time on perhaps something that could lead to a new and better career fit for you. There are all kinds of grants available out there. Speaking to a trade school or community college counselor can guide you.

I don't think stifling your feelings and being miserable is going to change a thing.

You can still have your family and be your own person. Perhaps finding new ways to connect with your wife whether a drive to a new place to explore once a week. Doesn't have to cost anything but gas. Just to get out, talk, be alone.

I think you'll find if you get up, make changes and search yourself, the emptiness you are feeling can be filled. It may not happen overnight and takes work, as all things do, but this is your one life, stop living it as if you are only going through the motions.

On a side note, I find people tend to live outside of their means. If your mortgage is too much, consider downsizing or moving to an area that is cheaper. If you are deep in debt, consider bankruptcy..last resort but a fresh start.

I would also consider asking your wife to work part time. She sounds like she could use a boost as well.

Best of luck.

 

You are a wise person, thank you for your help. It's funny that you mention "if you have passion at home, work might not be as bad".... The funny part is, if I get really into my relationship, then I am torn apart when it's time to leave for work. The same vice versa - I can be very interested in work, but then I won't want to go home. Do you find it's hard to be passionate about multiple things at once?

[maniamtired]

Hang in there, brother. God has love for us all. []

 

New hobbies sounds like a good idea for me. I've always wanted to go to the shooting range, perhaps I can find friends for that. Honestly though I am a social disaster - I feel like I don't fit in anywhere except at home, and if I don't feel welcome there, then where do I go? That was always a problem for me. I need to have escape routes.

Edited October 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[QuietDan]

Of course you have no problem with money - you're obviously rich. No offense, but I think your financial advantage keeps us from seeing eye to eye. I do very much appreciate your input, though.

 

I don't like my job because I don't make enough money. I guess the solution to that is work more/harder. It's sad but true: money fixes everything. If I had more money I would definitely enjoy life more!

No not really... Then... You ignored me, didn't spend enough time, you only want me for sex, thus other man took care of my needs, listened to me, so I f@$& my brains out with him while telling you I was too tired and don't like sex. Work harder longer hours.

[Timshel]

No not really... Then... You ignored me, didn't spend enough time, you only want me for sex, thus other man took care of my needs, listened to me, so I f@$& my brains out with him while telling you I was too tired and don't like sex. Work harder longer hours.

 

 

'Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter, when you come close to selling out, reconsider. Give the heaven's above more than just a passing glance and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.'

 

Not every marriage, relationship is the quoted above. I'm sorry that's your take Dan, that sucks.

 

Stop doing that.

[MidlifeMama]

You are a wise person, thank you for your help. It's funny that you mention "if you have passion at home, work might not be as bad".... The funny part is, if I get really into my relationship, then I am torn apart when it's time to leave for work. The same vice versa - I can be very interested in work, but then I won't want to go home. Do you find it's hard to be passionate about multiple things at once?

 

I'm passionate about everything. I laugh hard, love hard. Passionate about my job, passionate about my friendships. It's just who I am. I used to be passionate about my husband, but we lack in that area. I think I was trying to be the perfect wife, but deep down, I didn't actually have the romantic passion for him or with him that I so want. BUT I did try to be very PASSIONATE with him to change his low sex drive..toys, lingerie.

spontaneous encounters. Sadly the sex between us has dwindled to very little. I'm still passionate about him as a person though.

 

I guess what I am saying is it's part of my personality to be passionate. I tend to be a depressed person as well, so I try my best to keep my big personality alive so the other-side doesn't consume me.

 

Sounds like you're saying that you feel you can only focus on and being passionate about 1 thing at a time?

 

I think you should re-evaluate why you feel that way. We as humans have a ton to give. We may feel drained but the hearts a muscle for a reason, so that you can build them stronger!!

 

You don't have to LOVE your job to go in with a better attitude. Some days I go in thinking,"If I come here one more day I'm going to drive off and never come back." Then I change my attitude. I hear a joke, share a story with someone at work. Bring a silly coffee cup to look at. I change my attitude. I tell myself I'm grateful...thank you for this job, I am not destitute. I also know this isn't the end all be all for me.

 

I've had more jobs than anyone I know. I'm an Aries(Desire change), have moved a lot and changed jobs and careers frequently. I too would rather be working for myself. Time punching sucks!

 

BTW, we had our own business and it was hard too! Worked longer for sure then had to worry about others filling in anytime we wanted time off.

Hell, let someone else pay the taxes and worry about keeping the company afloat, something to be said for that.

 

But, if you work in IT, you could likely start doing side jobs. That may lead to your own little company. Your kids are older. Perhaps this would be a time to start some side business to grow into your own thing in the future?

Don't give up on dreams!

 

Keep having hot sex as much as possible with your wife and I mean, please her, romance her, lead up to great encounters with sexy texts, helping around the house, etc. She likely reciprocate !

 

I do believe having that bond and that love at home can get anyone through a crappy job!

 

And get out there and meet some people! You need at least 1 friend outside your marriage for sure!

[maniamtired]

I used to be passionate about my husband, but we lack in that area.

 

 

Thank you sister for all of your advice! I will take this knowledge and apply what I can to my life. Perhaps many of my problems stem from my social awkwardness. I always feel like I don't fit in, that people don't like me - it has been this way since I was young. As a man, I know that God loves me, and that keeps me alive, but these old feelings often interfere.

 

I am concerned for you and your husband - you must have more sex! How long has this been going on for? Are you both still physically attracted to each other?

 

How does he respond when you wear sexy clothing? If it is spontaneous, and different, there should be at least some excitement there. What about new positions?