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A female who get it


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 3rd October 2017, 12:38 PM   #1
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A female who get it

Hey my name is Steve Iím a 35 year old male married for 10 years to a woman who does not communicate very well. There is nothing in the marriage besides the kids... Iíve tried couples therapy , Iíve tried everything , basically just need a female in my life who can direct me where to go and what to do
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Old 3rd October 2017, 1:21 PM   #2
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Welcome Steve. A few questions for you to help us to understand more...

Do you have anything in common with your wife - beside the kids? Do you do things together? Do you have fun together - as a couple or as a family? Do you fight often? Is there affection between you and your wife? Is there sex?

If the answer to many of these questions is No, then I have to ask - why do you stay? You may need to consider separation or divorce if the marriage is not meeting your needs and there is no hope of improvement.

It's not a decision to be made without a lot of thought, but you are far too young and life is far too short to stay in an unhappy and loveless marriage...

Last edited by BaileyB; 3rd October 2017 at 1:28 PM..
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Old 3rd October 2017, 1:40 PM   #3
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basically just need a female in my life who can direct me where to go and what to do

Hey Steve, can you clarify what you mean by this?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:30 PM   #4
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Iíve tried everything , basically just need a female in my life who can direct me where to go and what to do

Sounds like an administrative assistant. Although I'm a woman, my admin runs my calendar -- she tells me where to go & what to do when I get there (have a meeting, talk to a client, negotiate a deal etc.) I pay her to streamline my work life.


If you want a loving relationship you either have to find a way to speak to your wife on her level or get a divorce.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 4:55 PM   #5
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It takes two. And if one is doing all the communication and carrying the weight in the relationship, it can't survive. You might want to consider what the others have said and think if this relationship is viable.

That's how I came to accept that my own marriage must be ended. We have nothing in common, (we also don't have children), he's always got time, energy and money to travel and buy his "toys" (men's toys like cars), and complains about how I detract from him enjoying his life. I'm pretty low maintenance.

Some people just aren't meant to be in a relationship, and this may be one of those situations. Or, it may simply be a matter of you two not being right for each other. If you have different drives and interests, and don't really share much in life or out of life together, you need to examine this.
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Old 4th October 2017, 9:57 AM   #6
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NYCguy1,

The problem is that you do not want a wife, lover and life partner, you want your mother. This is not going to work. One directing the other, is not a marriage. The issues are with you. You need to work on yourself, and find out way, you feel you must be directed, and not move forward yourself as a adult male. Maybe you have never really grown up. Not a tragedy, you can solve this by working on yourself, and thinking and acting like a adult.

I wish you luck......
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Old 5th October 2017, 2:20 PM   #7
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I am having the same problem. We went to marriage counseling and that helped somewhat but we had to stop going because we couldn't get a sitter when we needed it. She kept canceling on us.

I would recommend going to counseling or going yourself if she won't go. At least they can give you advice on what to do. Our counselor said to listen more effectively and spend an hour each evening talking and planning the day.
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Old 16th October 2017, 10:18 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCguy1 View Post
Hey my name is Steve Iím a 35 year old male married for 10 years to a woman who does not communicate very well. There is nothing in the marriage besides the kids... Iíve tried couples therapy , Iíve tried everything , basically just need a female in my life who can direct me where to go and what to do
Maybe you should learn how to handle the responsibility of self-determination. Pretty sure your wife is already busy directing your children and making her own decisions. She probably isn't interested in raising a 35 yo child that needs to be told what to do and think. She probably resents the hell out of you for not taking some initiative to chart a path, and lead like a husband. Take charge of your own life, manage responsibilities, and use that respect to extend you charge to the rest of the family. Your wife is probably drowning, save her.
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