I don't trust her

[N.a.t.e]

I have no idea what to do.

 

Basically my wife has now screwed our life as we live in a small town she was fired from her job arrested on suspicion of theft. She was guilty and basically lied her ass off to me. And now I can't trust her. So do I stay and try to trust or call it a day and go HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!

[SammySammy]

She should know that you can't trust her.

 

Is she willing to do what it takes to rebuild your trust?

 

Are you willing to stick around long enough for that to happen?

 

If the answer to either of those is "no" then your choice is made.

[pheonixrisen]

You need to decide first can you recover from this

If yes then You need to figure out what your wife needs to do in order to build the trust back .

 

 

Then list it and let her follow through .

 

If she does not you have your ans .

[d0nnivain]

If you don't trust her, there is not much of a foundation any more is there?

 

Do you know why she stole? If you can get to the bottom of that there may be hope to save things but you may have to move to avoid the humiliation of a small town. She most likely lied because she was ashamed.

[dichotomy]

I trust that human beings are flawed creatures.

 

They lie, cheat, steal, and are selfish.

 

Sometimes they are bad, sometimes they are good people who make bad choices, especially if they are suffering somehow.

 

There was a study once that people lie more to people they care about or need love and respect from.

 

Only you know the whole picture of your relationship with her - what she has done for you, means to you. If this was a bad choice, or she is a bad person for you.

Edited September 7, 2017 by dichotomy

[BetrayedH]

People make mistakes, sometimes big ones.

 

To me, the key isn't the mistake that was made but their ultimate response to it.

 

I can forgive almost anything, even an initial lie about something. But if the lies continue, I won't continue to subject myself to that.

[knabe]

People make mistakes, sometimes big ones.

 

To me, the key isn't the mistake that was made but their ultimate response to it.

 

I can forgive almost anything, even an initial lie about something. But if the lies continue, I won't continue to subject myself to that.

 

This. Is she repentant, humble, trying to do everything she can to make amends to the victims of her crime AND you? If so, then maybe you can move past it. But if she is still lying or playing the victim...she doesn't get it, and you'll have a very hard road.

 

And do not try to swoop in and rescue her. She needs to face her consequences.

[standtall]

You are married and hence share the consequences. As some of the OP's indicated, we are flawed human beings...all of us have a dark side. You have to decide what flaws of hers you're willing to accept. If it were my wife, I would make her come clean with me, and I would not betray what she says to you...unless she a physical threat someone.

Edited September 8, 2017 by standtall

[N.a.t.e]

I'm going to hold on but if it still is like it is come new year I'm just going to have to tell her. I want to trust her but she don't make it easy, yes she knows she messed up and feels bad for it. the struggle of life got to her.

 

In a way it's her fault for wanting to stay in a crappy town with little to no jobs.

 

I hope to get past it I really do

[d0nnivain]

Maybe the silver lining in this awful situation is that you will now be able to convince her to move to a place with more opportunity where she can have a clean slate instead of being the subject of gossip

[mikeylo]

Maybe the silver lining in this awful situation is that you will now be able to convince her to move to a place with more opportunity where she can have a clean slate instead of being the subject of gossip

 

It will never be a clean slate. She was arrested and was found guilty. Most employers do a background check.

 

OP, what drove her to steal?

[Steve51]

I got cheated on and screwed over by two of my four lovers in my life. Since then I believe in a healthy dose of mistrust and not second chances because they all did the same things again and again. I am really amazed at how easily and sincerely women can lie. I think guys are not as slick as women when it comes to that.

 

Cut your losses and start a new life. I did and although I was devastated at the time and thought my life was over, it ended up being the best thing in my life. My wonderful life and wife are a direct result of me cutting my first fiancé loose.

 

She went on to crack addiction, prostitution, mental illness and cheating on her husband to marry a woman. That could have been my life.

[d0nnivain]

It will never be a clean slate. She was arrested and was found guilty. Most employers do a background check.

 

 

Just to clarify I only meant a "clean slate" socially. If they stay in the small town she will always be fodder for gossip. Since the OP wants to move, this may be the leverage he needs to get his wife to relocate.

[Just a Guy]

Hi N.a.t.e, I wonder if your wife is a kleptomaniac? If that be the case she may need psychiatric treatment to rid her of the causes. In terms of value was the item she stole of high value or something not really commensurate with the punishment? All said and done you are the best person to take a call on your situation. If you plan on giving her a second chance then moving to another city is warranted. Warm wishes.