Wife's strange actions

[ConfusedHub]

I don't want to make this too long, but will try to give enough detail to receive help.

 

My wife and I have been married for over 30 years, but have for some time been in a sexless marriage. This is probably largely due to my ed problems. We have had sex, but I don't always maintain an erection and we never follow-up. For example, a month ago we were drinking wine and started to make out. Usually, it would stop there, but I kept kissing her and led her into the bedroom. We performed oral on each other and I penetrated her, but I wasn't able to cum. Still we had an enjoyable time doing what we did. It helped that it was spontaneous and in the afternoon. Unfortunately, we didn't have sex again for a month.

 

Our anniversary was coming up and I was planning for a romantic night with candles in our bedroom, but when my wife sensed I was planning something she said not to go to so much trouble as we'd probably be too drunk to do anything. Besides wasn't the dinner (we were going out) going to be enough.

I was a little dismayed, but shrugged it off, hoping she would go with the flow on the big night. Instead, while she enjoyed the dinner, she made it clear with her body language that she didn't want to have sex. When we talked a day or two later, she said she wasn't in the mood lately. I mentioned that once she gets going, she's very into it, like the day a month ago which I described above. She said I shouldn't read so much into what apparently for her was a one-time unusual occurrence. She also questioned why I was so interested now, after all this time. I told her that I felt older (I'm 60 and she's in her late 50s) and that I wanted to get things back on track with our marriage before it is too late. I told her I didn't want to lose her, to which she replied that I didn't need to worry about that. But, she also said that she felt I was putting on a full court press and would appreciate it if I would ease up which I have, so far.

 

My question is does this make sense. She was very hot and heavy the time we did it a month ago, but recently she has made it clear with her actions that she doesn't want to have sex. She isn't working now and she says that makes her depressed, though we do plenty of other activities, such as going to dinner, dancing, concerts, plays, and movies. Is it possible she is depressed and maybe has also grown accustomed to the no sex?

 

I didn't put this in the infidelity section, because I do not think she would or is having an affair. As I said we literally do just about everything together and lately she hasn't even gone out to dinner with a friend (always home no later than 10pm). Also, her various devices are not password protected and she leaves them lying around wherever, so it doesn't seem as if she has anything to hide. I only worry because she so readily warmed up before, but this latest period has lasted a month in which she has made it clear she doesn't want to have sex and doesn't want me to keep pressing her.

 

There were, also, two unusual things related to our last sex experience. First, she never reached down to play with herself while I was in her - like never - but that day when I penetrated her she reached down and was playing with herself the whole time I was inside her. Maybe she's been masturbating? More intriguing is that she is not a fan of blowjobs, but she will suck my penis if I put it up to her mouth. She is always worried about her gag reflex, so she never (as in never) takes more than my head in her mouth. She obviously, to me, prefers sucking my penis as foreplay, but she will let me cum in her mouth. However, even if I try to thrust it in her mouth she always uses her tongue to keep more than the head going into her mouth. So I found it unusual that on this day, she was readily taking a half to three quarters of my penis in her mouth and that I was able thrust without any tongue interference. Could it be the alcohol and circumstance, or does it seem like she's had another penis in her mouth recently? Probably ridiculous, but it is very confusing.

 

Anyway, sorry for the ramble - hopefully someone can provide some insight.

I probably went on too long, but I'm happy to provide further detail or clarification.

[findingnemo]

Hi ConfusedHub,

 

It is difficult to rule out an affair based on your W's routine. But let's assume there isn't one. The problem may be that she didn't enjoy the sex as much as you think she did and therefore wants to avoid it altogether. You need to discuss it with her. Just ask her (time it for when she is relaxed and happy) if she is avoiding sex because she doesn't get what she needs.

 

Do not allow her to sidestep the conversation. Tell her that you feel like things are changing and that it is not right to ignore what is happening. Tell her you love her and will do anything to make things better in that department. Ask her what she wants/needs.

 

She may feel like she is being selfish by admitting it because ED is a problem that isn't easily solved. She may feel like her complaints would be seen as blaming you. Ensure that any guilt she has is dispelled and get her to open up about sex in general. After that discussion, you will have an idea about how to proceed.

 

ConfusedHub, as long as she is willing to discuss the issue, there is a high probability that things will change for the better.

[GemmaUK]

What she has said about easing up totally makes sense to me.

It's like a big planned build up for the anniversary which could end with you both feeling bad/unsatisfied,

Keep it to just dinner and you could have a lovely time.

 

That other time was spontaneous and just happened. Plan it and you put all the pressure on.

 

How much do you drink OP?

You do know that drinking can be one of the direct causes of ED?

[elaine567]

That afternoon I guess, you chanced upon real lust and desire from your wife, you cannot recreate that with candles and a "set up".

 

I guess that extra "making out" tipped her over the edge into actually wanting to have sex with you, hence her "strange actions".

YOU warmed her up into actually wanting sex and her instincts took over, . At that point she didn't care about gag reflexes or "being polite" or anything else.

 

What I guess you normally have is more about duty sex than lust on her part, sorry to say.

 

Google "responsive sexual desire".

[road]

Are you retired?

 

Does your wife still work?

 

I do not think there is an affair unless with a co worker.

She would have no need to use any electronic means

to connect with her OM.

 

Her sudden change in oral skills is a tiny red flag.

Her telling you no to sex is a red flag.

 

Time to go to a Dr for your ED.

Time to lose weight, hit the weights, and have sex the

first thing in the mornings for older men have it

easier to get and maintain an erection.

[preraph]

If she doesn't want to have sex, drop the subject. I'm sorry it's bothering you, but no woman is obligated to have sex. She sounds depressed and unhappy. Why make her more so by trying to get her to have sex after she's said no thank you.

[ConfusedHub]

I don't have a lot of time, but I wanted to let everyone know I appreciate your responses.

 

First, to preraph - you are absolutely correct, no one should be forced to have sex, but that's not what I'm suggesting.

 

I think findingnemo, GemmaUK, and elaine567 are all on the right track. I was looking for a woman's perspective. In answer to road, I'm working, but my wife is unemployed. I definitely believe she may be depressed because of that and that it has affected her libido. I'm also starting to think that my wife is the type of person who needs to be aroused first, then her desire kicks in, which eventually leads to sex. Also, the romantic set-up does put significant pressure on both parties. Finally, I did want to respond to GemmaUK, that while I am not a heavy drinker, it is often part of our sex routine, but I'm beginning to realize that may be having a negative effect on my erections (or lack thereof).

 

I'm running out of time, but I have a specific instance in mind which caused me to question my wife's "new" oral skills. If anyone is interested, I can post about that in a day or so.

 

Thank you again for your help and support.

[basil67]

I'm also starting to think that my wife is the type of person who needs to be aroused first, then her desire kicks in, which eventually leads to sex.

 

Well, this is standard for many, many women.

 

Did she marry you knowing that the relationship would be largely sexless due to your ED? If so, it stands to reason that she'd be quite happy with the status quo. She may be wanting a marriage which is more about companionship than sex.

[preraph]

Not sure it's pertinent here, but you mentioned drinking. If someone does drink too much and then want sex, it can sometimes be a turnoff. I had a sex buddy I just saw once or twice a year for a long time and it got to where he drank so much it was like he sweated alcohol and then he also got sloppy and let a condom come off and I dumped him for those two things. AGAIN, may not be the case. If both people are drinking, it usually isn't a problem. But it's kind of like smoking. If one is and one isn't, it can be smelly. And then also, if your personality changes when you drink can be a turnoff.

[ConfusedHub]

[Not sure it's pertinent here, but you mentioned drinking. If someone does drink too much and then want sex, it can sometimes be a turnoff/QUOTE]

 

Its not pertinent. We both enjoy wine, and cocktails on occasion, but we are not heavy drinkers. The time I described, we were both drinking, and it may have had an effect on my wife, so she let down her inhibitions. However, neither of us was so drunk that we didn't know what we were doing. While it helped my wife, I think GemmaUK is correct that the booze had a negative effect on my erection. Still, we both had an enjoyable afternoon, except I believe my wife was a little frustrated that I didn't cum.

[ConfusedHub]

basil67 -

 

No. We have been married for along time (since our mid 20s) and have 1 adult child. Our sex life was great at the beginning and went through the usual ebbs and flows after we had a child. I had an injury and surgery, after which the ed occurred and our sex life pretty much tanked.

[elaine567]

Still, we both had an enjoyable afternoon, except I believe my wife was a little frustrated that I didn't cum.

 

A big part of female arousal is thinking that her partner is almost out of control with desire for her, he wants her, he needs her, so she then needs to see "the result" of all that desire, to validate her feelings.

The fact there was no "result" here, makes her feel bad, it makes her feel like you had simulated all that passion, that you did not really find her attractive, that you were somehow just going through the motions...

 

Maybe she also felt that the "hot" sex would have cured your problems and so she was disappointed.

[road]

I don't have a lot of time, but I wanted to let everyone know I appreciate your responses.

 

First, to preraph - you are absolutely correct, no one should be forced to have sex, but that's not what I'm suggesting.

 

I think findingnemo, GemmaUK, and elaine567 are all on the right track. I was looking for a woman's perspective. In answer to road, I'm working, but my wife is unemployed. I definitely believe she may be depressed because of that and that it has affected her libido. I'm also starting to think that my wife is the type of person who needs to be aroused first, then her desire kicks in, which eventually leads to sex. Also, the romantic set-up does put significant pressure on both parties. Finally, I did want to respond to GemmaUK, that while I am not a heavy drinker, it is often part of our sex routine, but I'm beginning to realize that may be having a negative effect on my erections (or lack thereof).

 

I'm running out of time, but I have a specific instance in mind which caused me to question my wife's "new" oral skills. If anyone is interested, I can post about that in a day or so.

 

Thank you again for your help and support.

 

Time to hide a digital VAR in the house and WW car. Then hide a real

time GPS in WW's car.

 

You will get your answers.

[ConfusedHub]

Time to hide a digital VAR in the house and WW car. Then hide a real

time GPS in WW's car.

 

You will get your answers.

 

I think that may be a little excessive, but maybe I should expound on my thoughts regarding her oral sex skills.

 

A few years ago, my wife wanted to lose weight - not new, but this time she went to a place that provided a personal trainer. She continued with weight watcher's, sought more information on healthy eating, and added exercise to the mix and the results were significant and stunning.

 

While I'm sure that her significant weight loss and newfound physical well-being was the result of this combination, my wife believes that her personal trainer was the missing tipping point. She believes that she was lucky to find him and that only he could have helped her achieve these results.

 

I can go into detail, but long-story short (maybe), it seems an attitude ripe for an EA. However, I don't believe they interacted outside of the training sessions and the sessions were so short (20 minutes and 10 minutes to get back and forth from home) that I honestly don't see much time for a PA. But there are certain events which lead me to have a gut feeling that while she might not have acted on it, that she wanted to express her feelings for him sexually. My gut also tells me that she at least sucked him off on several occasions and that, if she did so, she would have wanted to, and would have, swallowed his semen. The incident I spoke of in my original post confirms for me that my wife had another penis in her mouth since our wedding and the most likely penis is that of her physical trainer. He's since left the business and they no longer have contact, so I know its not ongoing, but I'm convinced it did happen - at least as far as blowjobs. I don't think they had intercourse, but there was one possible time. I do believe that she wanted to have intercourse with him - that she wanted him inside her, but I don't think that happened.

[elaine567]

My gut also tells me that she at least sucked him off on several occasions and that, if she did so, she would have wanted to, and would have, swallowed his semen. The incident I spoke of in my original post confirms for me that my wife had another penis in her mouth since our wedding and the most likely penis is that of her physical trainer. He's since left the business and they no longer have contact, so I know its not ongoing, but I'm convinced it did happen - at least as far as blowjobs. I don't think they had intercourse, but there was one possible time. I do believe that she wanted to have intercourse with him - that she wanted him inside her, but I don't think that happened.

 

 

That is some gut!

How do you know any of this?

Did she tell you?

[road]

I think that may be a little excessive, but maybe I should expound on my thoughts regarding her oral sex skills.

 

A few years ago, my wife wanted to lose weight - not new, but this time she went to a place that provided a personal trainer. She continued with weight watcher's, sought more information on healthy eating, and added exercise to the mix and the results were significant and stunning.

 

While I'm sure that her significant weight loss and newfound physical well-being was the result of this combination, my wife believes that her personal trainer was the missing tipping point. She believes that she was lucky to find him and that only he could have helped her achieve these results.

 

I can go into detail, but long-story short (maybe), it seems an attitude ripe for an EA. However, I don't believe they interacted outside of the training sessions and the sessions were so short (20 minutes and 10 minutes to get back and forth from home) that I honestly don't see much time for a PA. But there are certain events which lead me to have a gut feeling that while she might not have acted on it, that she wanted to express her feelings for him sexually. My gut also tells me that she at least sucked him off on several occasions and that, if she did so, she would have wanted to, and would have, swallowed his semen. The incident I spoke of in my original post confirms for me that my wife had another penis in her mouth since our wedding and the most likely penis is that of her physical trainer. He's since left the business and they no longer have contact, so I know its not ongoing, but I'm convinced it did happen - at least as far as blowjobs. I don't think they had intercourse, but there was one possible time. I do believe that she wanted to have intercourse with him - that she wanted him inside her, but I don't think that happened.

 

Twenty minutes alone.

 

Is plenty of time for them to get it on, in, out, over, under,

and just about any way they wanted to.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Confusedhub, you said that you are in your sixties and your wife is in her late fifties. If that be the case then it is possible that due to the fact that she has been menopausal for quite a while, her estrogen levels have finished considerably leading to low libido and she may be suffering from vaginal dystrophy. This latter condition results in a dry vagina which makes intercourse painful and unpleasant for women. Even using lubricating gels does not alleviate matters. The remedy may lie in her undergoing HRT( Hormone replacement therapy) which will artificially raise her estrogen levels and increase her libido levels. Of course the flip side of this is that she may become more prone to breast cancer so of course this has to be carried out, if at all, under supervision of her gynaecologist. The trick may be to have breaks in between the administration of the therapy.

 

As far as your ED is concerned you would have to give up alcohol whenever you want a sexual interlude with your wife. You could also consider the use of Viagra or Cialis under supervision of your physician. You could also use vacuum pumps to help you maintain an detection. About your wife's possibility of infidelity, how much does the thought of this affect you considering that her possible AP is now out of the picture? If you find it troubling you may have to dit her down and ask her outright if what you think is true. A polygraph test is also a possibility. However, if it is not eating you up then it may be best to let the matter rest. The above are all suggestions. Take what you think helps. Warm wishes.

[Just a Guy]

Hi CH, as a postscript I wanted to add that you should get the ladies opinion on the post menopausal vaginal dystrophy factor and their opinion on HRT. They would be better qualified to advise you on that.

 

I also wanted to ask you why you seem to be so sure that your wife gave BJs to her personal trainer? If you say it is a gut feel then did this feeling assail you when she was actually training with him or is it an afterthought? You also say that she 'Wanted to have intercourse with him, she wanted him inside her' but is any of this based on some tangible evidence of something having happened or visit your overwrought imagination which is prompting you to offer this piece of information? Gut feelings usually come on when something is actually going on and not as an afterthought. All this is not to say that your wife is innocent or may not have committed infidelity. It is to point out that there must be something concrete which you have not revealed here or that you overlooked at the time but subsequently took note of, that is prompting your misgivings. Some clarification on this would be helpful. Warm wishes.

[anika99]

Hi Confusedhub, you said that you are in your sixties and your wife is in her late fifties. If that be the case then it is possible that due to the fact that she has been menopausal for quite a while, her estrogen levels have finished considerably leading to low libido and she may be suffering from vaginal dystrophy. This latter condition results in a dry vagina which makes intercourse painful and unpleasant for women. Even using lubricating gels does not alleviate matters. The remedy may lie in her undergoing HRT( Hormone replacement therapy) which will artificially raise her estrogen levels and increase her libido levels. Of course the flip side of this is that she may become more prone to breast cancer so of course this has to be carried out, if at all, under supervision of her gynaecologist. The trick may be to have breaks in between the administration of the therapy.

 

As far as your ED is concerned you would have to give up alcohol whenever you want a sexual interlude with your wife. You could also consider the use of Viagra or Cialis under supervision of your physician. You could also use vacuum pumps to help you maintain an detection. About your wife's possibility of infidelity, how much does the thought of this affect you considering that her possible AP is now out of the picture? If you find it troubling you may have to dit her down and ask her outright if what you think is true. A polygraph test is also a possibility. However, if it is not eating you up then it may be best to let the matter rest. The above are all suggestions. Take what you think helps. Warm wishes.

 

This! I was wondering when someone was going to bring up menopause...lol.

I'm younger than the OP,s wife so I don't have problems yet with lubrication or vaginal dystrophy but I am in menopause and even without those problems I can attest to the fact that the dropping hormones affects sex drive. It comes and goes. I went almost an entire year without so much as a passing thought of sex and I was glad I was single as the thought of a man wanting sex with me was unappealing. Then all of a sudden the sex drive came back but to where it used to be. If your wife is in menopause then she will definitely need lots of foreplay to get prepared, but pretty much all women are more sexually receptive and aroused when they have an attentive lover who spends time on foreplay so I'm surprised that you OP, have just figured that out.

 

Also it seems to me that your ego is involved here. You say developed ED years ago and it pretty much tanked your sex life with your wife. What have you done or tried to remedy that problem? It seems like it was all well and good when there was little sex between you and your wife due to your issues but now your wife has an issue and you're horrified. Like she was always on supposed to be on standby, ready to give you sex whenever you were willing and able but not have any sexual demands or issues of her own. Now you have a "gut feeling" that she gave some other guy blow jobs and she swallowed and she wanted him inside of her. Those are too specific to be gut feelings. Most people get a gut feeling that someone that someone is being dishonest or lying in some way. You either have way more knowledge about her relationship with her trainer or your ego is bruised because your wife is not eager to have sex with you when you decide there will be sex.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Anika, I brought up the menopause and vaginal dystrophy issues because my wife suffered(still does) from this issue and for a while she was on HRT. Of course she was very worried about contracting cancer which I believe happens fairly frequently to women on this treatment. She had to stop it after a while when she became a bit paranoid about it. The OPs wife could very well be a victim of the above issues.

 

For the rest of it the OP needs to clarify his remarks about his gut feel and his confident statement about his wife giving BJs to her trainer. That seems a bit farfetched unless he has some concrete evidence of her infidelity which he has not shared here. After all he is talking about his wife. Warm regards.

[ConfusedHub]

That is some gut!

How do you know any of this?

Did she tell you?

 

elaine567 (and anika99 and Just a Guy), you are all likely correct in that I am projecting my own jealousy and insecurity, rather than observing and correctly interpreting the facts. But, the self stimulation and new oral sex skills still struck me as odd.

 

Basically, I don't think my wife had sex with her Personal Trainer. I was definitely jealous, but not about sex. I was jealous of the personal connection between them. He was able to help her, largely because he was a non-family third-party, with following through on her weight loss program. And, I was actually grateful to him because he was able to help my wife achieve this important (to her) and long-term goal.

 

There were, however, two instances that I found unusual. First, she would update him on her weight progress and other issues to which he would usually reply. I believe his responses got less frequent and one week-end he didn't respond to her e-mail at all. I figured he probably had something to do that weekend and just decided to respond in-person at their next session. I mean she's just a client, right? But she was very upset; more like a friend had ignored her than a teacher or coach. Of course, while she was a client to him, to her this was a very personal issue. So, I thought her reaction was odd, but understandable from her point of view. The second was a discussion at the table during a family gathering. As I said the weight-loss was significant and people would always ask her about it. And she was happy to talk about it and she was always ready to sing her trainer's praises. Often, as part of these discussions, she would make a comment to me such as "don't be jealous". I was at the other end of the table involved in another discussion, but my wife's comment caused me to look at her and pay some attention to that conversation as well. Unfortunately, I wasn't paying close attention to what my wife was talking about, but she made a comment about him and I laughed along with everyone else. Immediately, my son, who was sitting next to me, looked at me and said, "why are laughing at that?" And, it was clear that he thought that I should have taken the comment as inappropriate for a wife to say about another man. But kids are kids, even when they're adults, so I eventually shrugged the incident off.

 

I agree - not much there. Jump to our recent hot sex session and the two incidents I described above. Understand that my wife and I have been married a long time. We are in a dry spell now, but it wasn't always this way.

We had plenty of sex - however, two things, both of which I would have welcomed at one time or another - never, ever happened. She never reached down to stimulate herself during intercourse and she never took more than the head of my penis in her mouth during blowjobs. Until this one day, three decades in, she does both. It struck me as odd. I posted here because I was curious if anyone else experienced a similar situation and whether they thought it could happen spontaneously or if it indicated experience with someone else. If the latter, than that begs the question, who? And to me, the only possible candidate is the physical trainer.

 

So in the end, everyone is right, I'm just frustrated, anxious, and a little guilty about my situation and I've unfairly maligned my wife. Next post back to the matter at hand, to which there have been some excellent posts.

 

One last thing - regarding asking my wife or requiring a polygraph:

 

I am satisfied with my conclusion above. Further, my wife has often said to other people regarding other situations, but I think applicable here, "never ask a question to which you don't want to hear the answer". And I wouldn't want to hear that it was true, so best to let it lie.

[Just a Guy]

Hi ConfusedHub, thank you for addressing the points raised NY Anika,, Elaine and me. What you have said at the end of your post leads me to believe that you are not overly concerned with the possibility of your wife's infidelity. If that be so then if there are any other relational matters that ate of concern to you should be expressed by you now and as they say "Let sleeping dogs lie" in the case of the infidelity question. Too much water has flowed under the bridge for that to be a cause of worry for you. However if your wife had cultivated some new male friends then let us know. Also check on whether this personal trainer guy has not returned on the scene. If you keep an eye on your wife you will know. Warm wishes.

[ConfusedHub]

Hi ConfusedHub,

 

It is difficult to rule out an affair based on your W's routine. But let's assume there isn't one. The problem may be that she didn't enjoy the sex as much as you think she did and therefore wants to avoid it altogether. You need to discuss it with her. Just ask her (time it for when she is relaxed and happy) if she is avoiding sex because she doesn't get what she needs.

 

Do not allow her to sidestep the conversation. Tell her that you feel like things are changing and that it is not right to ignore what is happening. Tell her you love her and will do anything to make things better in that department. Ask her what she wants/needs.

 

She may feel like she is being selfish by admitting it because ED is a problem that isn't easily solved. She may feel like her complaints would be seen as blaming you. Ensure that any guilt she has is dispelled and get her to open up about sex in general. After that discussion, you will have an idea about how to proceed.

 

ConfusedHub, as long as she is willing to discuss the issue, there is a high probability that things will change for the better.

 

You are absolutely correct, findingnemo! I think my wife and I need to sit down and try to figure out what each of our problems are and then work together towards a solution.

[road]

elaine567 (and anika99 and Just a Guy), you are all likely correct in that I am projecting my own jealousy and insecurity, rather than observing and correctly interpreting the facts. But, the self stimulation and new oral sex skills still struck me as odd.

 

Basically, I don't think my wife had sex with her Personal Trainer. I was definitely jealous, but not about sex. I was jealous of the personal connection between them. He was able to help her, largely because he was a non-family third-party, with following through on her weight loss program. And, I was actually grateful to him because he was able to help my wife achieve this important (to her) and long-term goal.

 

There were, however, two instances that I found unusual. First, she would update him on her weight progress and other issues to which he would usually reply. I believe his responses got less frequent and one week-end he didn't respond to her e-mail at all. I figured he probably had something to do that weekend and just decided to respond in-person at their next session. I mean she's just a client, right? But she was very upset; more like a friend had ignored her than a teacher or coach. Of course, while she was a client to him, to her this was a very personal issue. So, I thought her reaction was odd, but understandable from her point of view. The second was a discussion at the table during a family gathering. As I said the weight-loss was significant and people would always ask her about it. And she was happy to talk about it and she was always ready to sing her trainer's praises. Often, as part of these discussions, she would make a comment to me such as "don't be jealous". I was at the other end of the table involved in another discussion, but my wife's comment caused me to look at her and pay some attention to that conversation as well. Unfortunately, I wasn't paying close attention to what my wife was talking about, but she made a comment about him and I laughed along with everyone else. Immediately, my son, who was sitting next to me, looked at me and said, "why are laughing at that?" And, it was clear that he thought that I should have taken the comment as inappropriate for a wife to say about another man. But kids are kids, even when they're adults, so I eventually shrugged the incident off.

 

I agree - not much there. Jump to our recent hot sex session and the two incidents I described above. Understand that my wife and I have been married a long time. We are in a dry spell now, but it wasn't always this way.

We had plenty of sex - however, two things, both of which I would have welcomed at one time or another - never, ever happened. She never reached down to stimulate herself during intercourse and she never took more than the head of my penis in her mouth during blowjobs. Until this one day, three decades in, she does both. It struck me as odd. I posted here because I was curious if anyone else experienced a similar situation and whether they thought it could happen spontaneously or if it indicated experience with someone else. If the latter, than that begs the question, who? And to me, the only possible candidate is the physical trainer.

 

So in the end, everyone is right, I'm just frustrated, anxious, and a little guilty about my situation and I've unfairly maligned my wife. Next post back to the matter at hand, to which there have been some excellent posts.

 

One last thing - regarding asking my wife or requiring a polygraph:

 

I am satisfied with my conclusion above. Further, my wife has often said to other people regarding other situations, but I think applicable here, "never ask a question to which you don't want to hear the answer". And I wouldn't want to hear that it was true, so best to let it lie.

 

We all somehow miss picking up on the red flags in

one's own situation. So you are not alone.

 

Your last paragraph makes me say you know the answer

without having to be told. Though I would need to hear

my WW confirm the truth.

[sandylee1]

Sometimes one experiences changes in sexual behaviour behaviour reading and getting ideas from various resources.

 

That could account for the changes you've seen.