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Marriage in free fall (very long)


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 8th February 2018, 4:24 AM   #76
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Hi Just a Guy and everyone.

An update: I have found a place to live and I am in the process of moving in. I will be in and settled by the weekend. There were a few things the landlord needs to fix before I can move in (small stuff like damaged vinyl on the floor) etc. The place is pretty nice in saying that. It's a very suitable place for my kids to stay and be very comfortable.

My wife has been very co-operative and we have been helping each other with things. I could not really ask for a better separation. I know of some guys I work with who have had a real bad time because their ex wives have been really difficult. I'm blessed in that regard.

As for changing job - for the moment I need stability. I'm not being paid too badly at the moment. My work jas given me 2 pay rises recently as the big boss doesn't want me to leave. I've done my budget and I will comfortably pay my bills and have money to do things with the kids - help them and help my wife a bit too.

It has definitely been a crazy start to the year. I have had so much to do, the time has just flown by like nothing else. Emotionally I am doing OK. I guess I haven't had a lot of time to think about how I feel. In a week or so when I'm settled in my new place I may sit on my couch, look around and ask myself "how did I get here?"

I guess time will tell. The kids have taken it well and are excited to come and stay with me. I'm in a new town about 20 miles from where my wife is living, but it's a familiar town just the same and there's more to do here as it's a fair bit bigger. I just hope the novelty of visiting dad doesn't wear off at some point.
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Old 10th February 2018, 10:29 AM   #77
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Hi Trail Blazer, Thank you for the update. Good to know things are going well for you and that you and your wife are on a good wicket. Although it may be early days but has your wife mentioned divorce? Have you? Has she said anything to the effect that your marriage is over and done with or is are both of you holding out hope for things to g3t better down the line. Irrespective of that I think you have to keep striving to better your position in life and find a job commensurate with your new qualifications and your expanded view of the world. From all accounts the US is on an upswing with regard to the job scene and has probably the lowest unemployment rate in a long time. This bodes well for managerial positions and you have prepared yourself in time to ride wave. Just don't miss out on it.
As far as your kids are concerned keep them excited and let them have an entirely new perspective of life with you. As a young man you are on to the threshold of an exciting new period in your life. Make the most of it. Have fun , live life large as they say, maybe pick up something exciting like sky diving or sail planing or whatever to break the him drum setting which defined your life before this. Have the fun that you missed out on in your twenties. You're not too old to do that. Always remember to keep evolving for the better. Keep us updated on your new fun life. Warm wishes.
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Old 10th February 2018, 10:59 AM   #78
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[QUOTE=Trail Blazer;7533140]Hi Just a Guy and everyone.

An update: I have found a place to live and I am in the process of moving in. I will be in and settled by the weekend. There were a few things the landlord needs to fix before I can move in (small stuff like damaged vinyl on the floor) etc. The place is pretty nice in saying that. It's a very suitable place for my kids to stay and be very comfortable.

My wife has been very co-operative and we have been helping each other with things. I could not really ask for a better separation. I know of some guys I work with who have had a real bad time because their ex wives have been really difficult. I'm blessed in that regard.

As for changing job - for the moment I need stability. I'm not being paid too badly at the moment. My work jas given me 2 pay rises recently as the big boss doesn't want me to leave. I've done my budget and I will comfortably pay my bills and have money to do things with the kids - help them and help my wife a bit too.

It has definitely been a crazy start to the year. I have had so much to do, the time has just flown by like nothing else. Emotionally I am doing OK. I guess I haven't had a lot of time to think about how I feel. In a week or so when I'm settled in my new place I may sit on my couch, look around and ask myself "how did I get here?"

I guess time will tell. The kids have taken it well and are excited to come and stay with me. I'm in a new town about 20 miles from where my wife is living, but it's a familiar town just the same and there's more to do here as it's a fair bit bigger. I just hope the novelty of visiting dad doesn't wear off at some point.[/QUOTE]

You'll always be their Dad no matter what circumstances or age. As they grow into their own and activities and have dates, etc, that may affect their time, but enjoy it each time you can. You've made quick and wonderful progress for yourself and so glad the spouse is being cooperative! I see a bright future for you!! Best of luck!!
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Old 14th February 2018, 8:54 AM   #79
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Hi Trail, today is Valentine's day! Are you planning anything with your 'Old Lady' or is it now done and dusted. Just hope you have'nt reached that point yet. Whatever it is have a Good Day! Warm wishes.
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Old 19th February 2018, 10:30 AM   #80
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I did nothing for Valentine's Day.

We are now very much separated. There is zero connection between us now. We are civil, but go through the motions.

I have done something which may be judged harshly by some. I couldn't care to be honest.

I have joined Tinder.

All I can say is that I've been blown away by the response that I've received. Some incredibly good-looking women have swiped right and 'matched' me.

Sure, a few did not write me back, but nonetheless an overwhelming amount have.

I don't wish to brag, but I've already had a couple of girls want to meet up for some much-needed coffee to ease the burden of a freezing Oregon winter.

Having said that, I've been unmatched by a couple who, upon realizing that I reside some 35 miles from downtown Portland, have said I live too far away.

Apparently I shouldn't search while at work, because I work in Beaverton, it gives off a false sense of living closer to town, thus bypassing someone's desire to date someone only residing in their arbitrarily defined search radius.

Imagine a dating app developed for mobile/cellular devices using dynamic location identification. Yeah, I'll just go for a vacation in Cali and still be listed as located in Oregon. *eyeroll*

Anyway, it's all been a bit of fun. For a guy who considers himself moderately good looking, certainly no Chris Hemsworth (but ironically can do a really good Aussie accent) though, I'm happy to play along for now.

Last edited by Trail Blazer; 19th February 2018 at 10:33 AM..
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Old 19th February 2018, 10:57 AM   #81
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Hi Trail, good to read your update. Sorry but I'm not familiar with Tinder but whatever it is you could do with some TLC at this time. Good to know your mating radar is switched on. You never know when you latch on to a desirable target. Have you had a chance to show your kids a good time? Keep popping in with an update or two now and then. Warm wishes.
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Old 19th February 2018, 4:50 PM   #82
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Tinder is a so called "hook up" app. A dating app where you simply swipe right on someone if you like their photo and swipe left if you don't. If 2 people swipe right on each other then they are 'matched' and can then chat.

You choose your search radius and every person with the app who falls within that search radius will be accessible for you to swipe through. The app works really well in populated cities but not so much in rural areas.

I have my house nearly set up for the kids. I've been unbelievably busy, running around getting furniture and the like. I'm not ready for the kids to stay overnight yet, but I will have them over the weekend just for a day.

I have today off work as I need to go and organize some things in person in business hours. I've also had a technician from my internet provider come today to sort out some issues. I'm picking up the kids from school and having them for the evening.

I will come back regularly and keep updating. Now since the worst of everything is all over, I will have a bit more time to do so.
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Old 19th February 2018, 5:07 PM   #83
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[QUOTE=MidlifeMama;7534761]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trail Blazer View Post
Hi Just a Guy and everyone.

An update: I have found a place to live and I am in the process of moving in. I will be in and settled by the weekend. There were a few things the landlord needs to fix before I can move in (small stuff like damaged vinyl on the floor) etc. The place is pretty nice in saying that. It's a very suitable place for my kids to stay and be very comfortable.

My wife has been very co-operative and we have been helping each other with things. I could not really ask for a better separation. I know of some guys I work with who have had a real bad time because their ex wives have been really difficult. I'm blessed in that regard.

As for changing job - for the moment I need stability. I'm not being paid too badly at the moment. My work jas given me 2 pay rises recently as the big boss doesn't want me to leave. I've done my budget and I will comfortably pay my bills and have money to do things with the kids - help them and help my wife a bit too.

It has definitely been a crazy start to the year. I have had so much to do, the time has just flown by like nothing else. Emotionally I am doing OK. I guess I haven't had a lot of time to think about how I feel. In a week or so when I'm settled in my new place I may sit on my couch, look around and ask myself "how did I get here?"

I guess time will tell. The kids have taken it well and are excited to come and stay with me. I'm in a new town about 20 miles from where my wife is living, but it's a familiar town just the same and there's more to do here as it's a fair bit bigger. I just hope the novelty of visiting dad doesn't wear off at some point.[/QUOTE]

You'll always be their Dad no matter what circumstances or age. As they grow into their own and activities and have dates, etc, that may affect their time, but enjoy it each time you can. You've made quick and wonderful progress for yourself and so glad the spouse is being cooperative! I see a bright future for you!! Best of luck!!
I was at the ex's new place last night to drop some stuff off. She wasn't there but her 23 year old daughter was. Anyway my daughter hugged me and then wouldn't let me go. She started crying and refused to let me go and begged me to just stay.

She was even bartering with me to stay by offering me her bed to sleep in "and I will sleep in mommy's bed if you don't want to." I had a lot to do but I just couldn't bring myself to prizing my daughter's arms from my waist. We waited an hour until the ex got home, by which point she gave our daughter some things to occupy herself with.

That was tough to deal with. That will not be the end of it. My son who's 11 is pragmatic about it all, but the little 7 year old girl is very sweet and a little sensitive, so it will hit her a bit harder.
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Old 20th February 2018, 10:33 AM   #84
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Hi Trail, that incident with your daughter was very sad. Sometimes adults cannot foresee the pain that a little child has to endure in situations like this. It will probably leave an indelible mark on her as firstly, she is too young to comprehend the reasons as to why her life has turned upside down and secondly,, being a girl, I would think she is very attached to you as her father. Girls are always Daddy's pets. I think you have to put in a lot of thought into how you ate going to smoother things over for your kids. Warm wishes.
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Old 20th February 2018, 5:26 PM   #85
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Divorce is typically very hard on children...especially when they are young.
Talk to your ex about managing your daughter's grief.
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