Tamari Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Such a sensitive topic! But hey ho, here goes: Yes I love him, very much. Yep, I still find him attractive and yes I still enjoy being intimate with him. Howeverrr....... It's summer now, he's a hard-working chappie and to be absolutely blunt he often comes to bed with a strong enough under-arm aroma to clear a shopping mall. Yes I have mentioned it, as honestly yet tactfully as I can. He did start taking a bath before coming to bed for a while, but it was short-lived and we're back to base. I mentioned it yet again the other day and he assured me he now takes a shower every day, as opposed to every other day as he used to do in the past (!). He also only brushes his teeth once a day (evening) and there are issues there too. I don't know what else to do now, and it is a concern as we're talking about moving in together in the near future. As I said, he's a one in a million man: honest, stable, loyal, kind, patient = all very attractive to me, but this is starting to put me off being close to him. His family seems to find all this entirely normal ie: they all smell Sometimes the odour is so strong I almost gag. Any advice? No way do I want or will I consider being harsh about this to him, I am sure he is unaware of how bad it actually is. But something must be done about it before it becomes a serious issue. I couldn't live in the midst of that stench. Thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
l8estnews Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Hmm, in all occassions that requires a person to give gifts (i.e. B-days, Xmas, Anniversaries) Always give him a Six-Pack Old-Spice "Bearglove" Edition If that won't give him the hint, I dunno what else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 You're going to have to talk to him again. I would probably say that my olfactory sense is quite sensitive in order to make it a "we" problem rather than being blatantly critical, but then go on to make it clear that it's important to you. I wonder if this is purely a hygiene issue, or if his natural scent is unappealing to you? I have had women tell me before that my natural scent was very appealing, in which case it became less requisite that I shower just before seeing them. I also dated a women a few months ago whose natural scent was unappealing to me, and it was not a hygiene issue. If it's hygiene it's easily fixable, but only if he's fully cognizant, on board and willing to change his habits. But I don't see any way to avoid having a serious talk. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Hygiene is a huge issue to me. I wouldn't be able to handle this! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Get him some clinical strength deodorant. And there is a mouthwash that fights bad breath called Smart Mouth. The deodorant helps for 24 hours and mouthwash for 12. Good Luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 The other day I went to snuggle into my husband's arms in bed and the stench was so bad as he had run earlier in the day. I actually got up, grabbed MY deodorant off the bureau and rolled some on under his pit. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 That would be a deal breaker for me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 If he comes in smelly, playful pat on the rump and "Shower before snuggles!" ? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Luckily my husband never gets that smelly... But when he does need a shower before bed, I ask him to take a shower. He doesn't get offended, and takes a quick shower. It only takes a moment to soap up and rinse off. Besides, he knows that will usually be a pay off for him Not brushing teeth in the am is nasty though.... Not sure what to do with that besides encourage him to join you as you brush your teeth in the am. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tamari Posted July 17, 2017 Author Share Posted July 17, 2017 (edited) If he comes in smelly, playful pat on the rump and "Shower before snuggles!" ? Many thanks to all of you. I feel I have to say here, he really is a very attractive man in all other ways... but yeah... this is an issue. I like the idea by 'somanymistakes', thanks for that The aftershave idea won't wash (haha...) cos he would never use it. I don't mind that, but he must be fresh! Neither he nor his two adult kids use deodorant, which I find odd but honestly I do believe they consider it unnecessary:o Yes, I feel playful is the way to go. I have tried the serious talk twice and he's really happy to go along with how I feel but truly, it seems he's not aware of how things are.... it takes all sorts lol. Edited to add: Salparadise, it is deffo a hygene/habit issue, yes cos when he's just bathed/showered his own personal smell is actually very pleasant Wish me luck please, I'll keep you updated Edited July 17, 2017 by Tamari 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 No sex until he's washed properly will soon have him nice and clean! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 I guess he doesn't get much blowies 5 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Look, he's got a strong smell and I guess it's mostly not his fault, BUT you have to tell him he must ALWAYS bathe before getting into bed. Tell him, I think it's because you're just more manly than most, but I can't take it, so you must always bathe before bed or any outing. Please understand. Buy him some deodorant soap and deodorant for sure. Something strong that might really put a cork in it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tamari Posted July 17, 2017 Author Share Posted July 17, 2017 Preraph, thanks for that. Yes, I guess it really has to be done and I like your suggestion of the manly thing And erm... amaysngrace... hahaha!!! Too funny But euh actually.... that's one part of him he keeps very clean WHICH means, of course, that the rest can be dealt with as well, for pretty much the same reason Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Tell him you love him and that it would mean so much to you if he'd shower before he comes to bed because you find a freshly showered man extremely sexy. Use words that will help him want to do so without being critical. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
avvril3000 Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 Thats funny you find him stinky... when my man sweats, its arousing to me, the smell is a good smell. Maybe your nose is telling you more than your brain can right now Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 OK, I'm always the blunt one....but sometimes tact does not cut it. I know this because there have been many times my husband has tried to be tactful and I don't even realise he's trying to tell me something. He knows now to just speak directly. Given that you've already raised the issue carefully and it's made no long term difference, either you are being too tactful and he doesn't get it - or he knows he stinks but does not care. The latter is a bigger problem than the former. I'd ditch the tact and pull out the big guns. "Oi, you stink. Go and have a shower" would be my way of approaching it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 Thats funny you find him stinky... when my man sweats, its arousing to me, the smell is a good smell. Maybe your nose is telling you more than your brain can right now I like hubby's sweat when he's been doing yard work while wearing deodorant. It smells just 'hard working'. But if he's run 5 miles with no deodorant, I will send him to the back of the house until he showers. Horses for courses. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 Preraph, thanks for that. Yes, I guess it really has to be done and I like your suggestion of the manly thing And erm... amaysngrace... hahaha!!! Too funny But euh actually.... that's one part of him he keeps very clean WHICH means, of course, that the rest can be dealt with as well, for pretty much the same reason Only one other thing. Tell him never to wear the same clothes twice without washing -- and then maybe you can help him to keep his clothes fresh. Maybe something with febreze. He may be wearing his underwear over and over or something that makes him smell. I had a bf once whose clothes smelled terrible. Not so bad once he was naked... Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 OK, I'm always the blunt one....but sometimes tact does not cut it. I know this because there have been many times my husband has tried to be tactful and I don't even realise he's trying to tell me something. He knows now to just speak directly. Given that you've already raised the issue carefully and it's made no long term difference, either you are being too tactful and he doesn't get it - or he knows he stinks but does not care. The latter is a bigger problem than the former. I'd ditch the tact and pull out the big guns. "Oi, you stink. Go and have a shower" would be my way of approaching it. I agree with this approach. When politeness and tact doesn't work, then it's time to be blunt so that the message gets across. I couldn't handle being with a man who had poor hygiene. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 Sometimes you just have to tell them. Or just send him that video. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 I remember a young man who nearly lost his job in our office due to a combination of his poor personal hygiene and the boss not being direct enough when initially addressing the problem. The boss waffled on about using aftershave and such - but what the lad really needed was to be told what that he needed shower in the morning and that deodorant is essential in an office environment. After two tactful verbal warnings, he got warned in writing. Judging by his reaction, the poor guy honestly had no idea of what the boss had been trying to tell him. And yes, deodorant and showering fixed the problem. The office staff (and commuters on his train no doubt) were very grateful when he finally got the idea. I often wondered what his mother was doing. This is the stuff to teach kids as soon as they hit puberty. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ahmed8xm Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 Nobody is Perfect you have to accept him with all his good habits and bad habits. Relationships Doesnt WOrk this way OK. GOOD MAN Means that He Has 70% GOOD things and 30% Bad Things. Talk to him about his smell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tamari Posted July 18, 2017 Author Share Posted July 18, 2017 (edited) @ MidKnightDreams: Hahaha love it!!! And to everyone else, thank you so much, some very good suggestions there x Oh and btw, this family loves the outdoors etc... I don't think they have ever considered deodorant! :/ Edited July 18, 2017 by Tamari Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 (edited) Well, time for you to tame the beast. I love the outdoors too but the time you need deodorant the most is when you're out being active in the outdoors. Buy him a shaving kit with all the deodorant and deodorant soap included. This will always hold him back in work if it's not fixed. Hey, a lot of men do not put on clean socks and shorts, so take note of that. It's a common thing with men, unfortunately. Edited July 18, 2017 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
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