My wife has to be the laziest woman alive

[RedBaron2765]

Just blowing off stream - my wife has to be the laziest person alive. Every day when I get home (she gets home around 3:30 and picks up the kids from the sitter while I get home around 6:00) she's sitting on her ass on the couch with her laptop or her phone playing games while the kids are watching an ipad. Doesn't matter if it's sunny and 80 outside - she's on the couch. Meanwhile the dishes are piled in the sink (she doesn't want me to touch them), crap is strewn around the house, laundry is piling up (she wants to do the laundry). She claims that she can't get the crap in the basement put away because she doesn't have time but she finds plenty of time to play her computer games. Meanwhile I'm always taking the kids outside, building Legos with them, reading to them.

 

She doesn't exercise (she knows she's overweight and always says that she's starting a diet/exercise program on Monday, but that lasts about two days. Our sex life is non-existent - we haven't had sex in over a year (three times in five and a half years). Sex requires her to make an effort and we can't have that. I don't bug her about sex - I'm not going to make her do something she doesn't want to do.

 

Vent over - think I'll go to bed so I can get up and take the kids out to play tomorrow while she sits in the house feeding her face and moving up to the next level in her game.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Nothing will change if you dont vent to her

 

 

now...how important is it to you?

[basil67]

How's her state of mind?

[MidnightBlue1980]

Just blowing off stream - my wife has to be the laziest person alive. Every day when I get home (she gets home around 3:30 and picks up the kids from the sitter while I get home around 6:00) she's sitting on her ass on the couch with her laptop or her phone playing games while the kids are watching an ipad. Doesn't matter if it's sunny and 80 outside - she's on the couch. Meanwhile the dishes are piled in the sink (she doesn't want me to touch them), crap is strewn around the house, laundry is piling up (she wants to do the laundry). She claims that she can't get the crap in the basement put away because she doesn't have time but she finds plenty of time to play her computer games. Meanwhile I'm always taking the kids outside, building Legos with them, reading to them.

 

She doesn't exercise (she knows she's overweight and always says that she's starting a diet/exercise program on Monday, but that lasts about two days. Our sex life is non-existent - we haven't had sex in over a year (three times in five and a half years). Sex requires her to make an effort and we can't have that. I don't bug her about sex - I'm not going to make her do something she doesn't want to do.

 

Vent over - think I'll go to bed so I can get up and take the kids out to play tomorrow while she sits in the house feeding her face and moving up to the next level in her game.

 

I will tell you now that it's really not the weight or the laziness, it's the lack of sex and probably the lack of appreciation which bothers you. I know this because I'm messy and put on some weight but my husband does not care because we have an intimate side to our marriage now. Before you find yourself going down my dark road, you should talk to her about the lack of sex and and see a counselor. Maybe she is depressed or some hormonal imbalance - or you need to snap her into action.

 

But - seriously now - she gets home at 3:30pm with your child and you expect her to spring into action, clean, cook, laundry, etc? When you are out of shape and don't eat right you are even less motivated to do all that. You do need to cook and do laundry but you can hire someone to clean. Again, its the lack of sex.

 

What is her plan for that? To just not have it anymore?

[aileD]

Maybe she just wants to relax a little after getting home? Where is she all day?

[whichwayisup]

Maybe she just wants to relax a little after getting home? Where is she all day?

 

You say she gets home at 3 30 after picking the kids up from school so I assume during those hours before 3 30 she's at work?

 

Does your wife book and go to all Dr, dentist appointments with the kids etc? When you all go away on holidays, who does the packing and organizing?

 

Hire a cleaning lady to come every 2 weeks.

[MidnightBlue1980]

You say she gets home at 3 30 after picking the kids up from school so I assume during those hours before 3 30 she's at work?

 

Does your wife book and go to all Dr, dentist appointments with the kids etc? When you all go away on holidays, who does the packing and organizing?

 

Hire a cleaning lady to come every 2 weeks.

 

It's always about the sex. This was the exact story I heard from xmm. I had to check the location to make sure it was not him. If you give a man sex, they do not really care about the rest of all that stuff. Many women just turn the faucet off.

[MountainGirl111]

I'm sorry, OP. That sounds like a nightmare.

[somanymistakes]

Your wife is definitely NOT the laziest person alive, though you probably know this lol.

 

Are you resentful because she doesn't live up to your standards for housework, or because that you feel she's ignoring you and the kids in favor of her own amusement?

[mikeylo]

Blaming her is adding to the already existing problems. Get to the root of it and work from there.

[jjgitties]

Blaming her is adding to the already existing problems. Get to the root of it and work from there.

 

^^ This!^^

 

OP, sorry to hear about your story. Its much worse than mine.

[anika99]

Your wife doesn't do the dishes or the laundry yet even when dirty dishes are piled up in the sink and the dirty laundry is overflowing she does not allow you to wash dishes or put a load of laundry in? That sounds far fetched to me. Lazy people do not have a problem letting others do chores. There is more to this story.

[RedBaron2765]

Apologies for the delay in replying - busy weekend (as I was out with the kids a lot, surprise) and just getting a chance to reply.

 

We do have cleaning people come every other week, so all we really have to do is pick up (which can be a challenge with little kids).

 

Note that she does work - leaves around 6:30 and gets home at 3:00. Picks up the kids at 4:00, and I'm usually home around 6:00. I have the kids in the morning - mostly just get their teeth brushed and off to the sitter. When I get home, she's sitting on the couch with her computer on her lap and/or her phone in her hand playing games while the kids are usually on an iPad (even on a nice day). We'll eat, then I take the kids outside to play if it's nice or we play in the basement.

 

As for the dishes, she bitches about how I load the dishwasher, so she doesn't want me to load or unload it. She always says that she'll get to it, but it's usually after two or three days. I take care of it in the morning when she's not home - unload the clean and load the dirty.

 

Saturday was a case in point - I get up around 6:15 and go out for a walk. Kids are up around 8:30, so Mommy has to get up (that's too early for her - she'd love to sleep until noon). Sit around for a bit, then breakfast. I take the kids out to run some errands - when we get home it's lunch time, and lo and behold, she's on the computer. She gets off of the couch to make lunch for the kids, then the kids and I go out to the park for a few hours while she stays home. We finally get home, and while she gets them dinner, I do yard work (cut the grass, edge, and lay a few bags of mulch). Finally get in to eat, then the kids want to go outside to play with their friends, so I go out with them while she goes back to her spot on the couch with the dishes piled in the sink.

 

She's always complaining about how she's tired et al, but does nothing to rectify this. She's also overweight, but again does nothing to fix it even though she's always complaining about her weight. I never comment on her weight, and always encourage her if she wants to go for a walk. I think she'd feel a lot better if she'd watch what she eats and get some exercise, but she won't do it. She doesn't like to exert any effort to do anything (which explains our lack of sex life - she's commented before on how sex requires too much effort). I don't need to have a skinny wife - just make an effort to stay in shape for the kids if nothing else.

 

I am unhappy with our lack of sex, but the overall laziness is bad as it sets a bad example for the kids. She even will comment on how little she does, but even with me trying to set an example (exercising, taking the kids out, etc) she still sits on her duff all the time.

[Gemma1]

She's a far cry from the laziest person in the world. She could obviously be a better/more active mother and wife, but she's working a full time job and even on your "case in point" day she still got up with the kids and made them lunch and dinner. I'm not saying it's ideal, but it's not the worst situation.

 

Even the way you talk about her when she does get herself up is very derogatory. Instead of appreciating that she gets up with the kids in the morning while you are out, you say "Mommy has to get up...she'd love to sleep till noon." She's probably pretty depressed and you don't sound like the best partner either, to be honest. If this much contempt is coming through in your posts here, I imagine living with you is not so pleasant.

 

I'm NOT excusing her. She could definitely change for the better. And there's no excuse for the lack of sex (which, like others have said, is probably the real source of your resentment). But the only person you can change is yourself and I think your character could use some work too.

 

The only way you are going to have a fulfilling marriage again is if your wife gets the help she needs for her likely depression, which could lead to her having the energy and drive to lose some weight. Maybe you guys should try some individual and/or couples therapy?

[Transitions12]

I work 60 hours a week usually getting off at 6. I workout 5 times a week. When I get home I maintain house and laundry so it's always clean . My kids (twins-6 years old) have chores. I do all the errands. I rarely am sitting down . My hubby sits like that and it annoys me lol . I was brought up to go and do . On weekends when I'm off I am off with the kids to places . Maybe try to accept that is her personality ,take it or leave it

[aileD]

Your wife doesn't sound lazy, she sounds depressed.

 

Does she have a history of depression? How old are your kids? Has she ever had her thyroid/vitamin d/iron checked?

 

if you really care about your wife you should try to look for the reasons behind the behavior. I think she's not lazy, but her actions are a symptom of something more.

 

You're just seeing the surface and getting annoyed and resentful.

[SammySammy]

She may not be lazy. Just resentful and stubborn.

 

Went through this with an ex. She may be refusing to do those things because of some underlying issue between the two of you.

 

The problem is confrontation, demeaning, or belittling her makes it worse. So does ignoring and not addressing it.

 

You have to find a positive and constructive way to address the situation.

[mightycpa]

I'll bet that her vision isn't the greatest, like she needs a strong vision prescription to get to 20/20.

 

Like any other problem, a little sunlight can work wonders.

 

Get on Facebook, make all of your neighbors and her friends FB friends and then start posting pictures of the inside of your house.

 

Invite the neighbors to come over for dinner, or dessert or to hang out on a whim. Don't lift a finger to clean up.

 

That will get the conversation started.

Edited May 23, 2017 by mightycpa

[somanymistakes]

Invite the neighbors to come over for dinner, or dessert or to hang out on a whim. Don't lift a finger to clean up.

 

That will get the conversation started.

 

If she seriously doesn't care about that sort of thing, all this will do is make HIM feel more aggrieved by adding embarrassment to his existing sense of being overworked and unappreciated. And without her even realising why he's now even more mad!

 

Making assumptions and then trying to backhandedly manipulate someone into doing things MAY work, but it can also very easily blow up in your face.

[NuevoYorko]

 

Get on Facebook, make all of your neighbors and her friends FB friends and then start posting pictures of the inside of your house.

Throwing ones spouse under the bus and publicly shaming them is not good for a marriage.

[aileD]

I'll bet that her vision isn't the greatest, like she needs a strong vision prescription to get to 20/20.

 

Like any other problem, a little sunlight can work wonders.

 

Get on Facebook, make all of your neighbors and her friends FB friends and then start posting pictures of the inside of your house.

 

Invite the neighbors to come over for dinner, or dessert or to hang out on a whim. Don't lift a finger to clean up.

 

That will get the conversation started.

 

yeah cuz that's a healthy way to deal with issues in a marriage.

[Patrice]

elsewhere. Complaining and being a martyr isn't an attractive trait in anyone.

I am kind of wondering if something may be going on already, since she is on her computer all the time.

[mightycpa]

Throwing ones spouse under the bus and publicly shaming them is not good for a marriage.

Privately shaming her doesn't seem to be working. I assume she's immune to the condition of her surroundings. Why shouldn't he be able to invite people over? It's his house too. Why shouldn't he post pictures of the inside of his house on FB? Lots of people do that. I'm not convinced she'll feel any shame, which would be an important thing to know. It's worth a try to find out what makes her tick. She's clearly not self-motivated.

 

Nor is she mentally ill, addicted to drugs, physically handicapped, or whatever other excuse people want to offer. She's merely interested in sitting on her butt, neglecting her physical well-being and appearance, neglecting the kids and neglecting the home, allowing the family to live in squalor while she builds plays games on her computer. She is simply demonstrating what is truly most important to her by her actions. Fine for the third world, but apparently not fine for the OP.

 

He's right about her being a horrible example to his kids. You think she's teaching them how to love their own home? Do you think these kids will learn how to care for their belongings or themselves properly? Are they learning persistence? Will they be careful with the contents in the house as they grow up, or will they learn that nothing in their house has value? Will they learn the self-discipline from her that they'll need to excel at school or sports or music or anything? Will she dote over them while they do their homework on a table that is free of the daily crap that accumulates? Will they learn the rewards of a job well done? Will they feel shame when they want to bring their friends home after school? Will they be able to live with roommates when the time comes? This is the same kind of neglect that you find in many homes that stay in poverty for generation after generation. Only a tiny sliver of people grow up with this kind of "love" and decide for themselves that this isn't who they are:

 

Trapped!

 

I think OP needs to either shock her into a waking state, or get her out of the home. She should get a second job, and they can use the money to hire an au pair who will actually take care of the home, take care of her appearance and interact with the kids in a positive way and minimize the damage that she's doing. In other words, she should pay for her own role model.

 

[]

Edited May 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[Gemma1]

^^^Um, I don't know where you're getting all of that info, mightycpa, because it certainly wasn't from the OP's post. He said that they have a housekeeper, the kids aren't living in squalor. You're really inventive, though, I'll give you that.

 

I'd love to hear the wife's side of this.

[rick2016]

I will tell you now that it's really not the weight or the laziness, it's the lack of sex and probably the lack of appreciation which bothers you. I know this because I'm messy and put on some weight but my husband does not care because we have an intimate side to our marriage now. Before you find yourself going down my dark road, you should talk to her about the lack of sex and and see a counselor. Maybe she is depressed or some hormonal imbalance - or you need to snap her into action.

 

But - seriously now - she gets home at 3:30pm with your child and you expect her to spring into action, clean, cook, laundry, etc? When you are out of shape and don't eat right you are even less motivated to do all that. You do need to cook and do laundry but you can hire someone to clean. Again, its the lack of sex.

 

What is her plan for that? To just not have it anymore?

 

 

OK , your husband is not stupid, he knows he better not complain about your weigh gain....yep...bye bye sex....let a your messy house...